I think it's dependent on the dancer and the club. Some stuffy clubs - where they have roid-loaded bouncers - might be bad places to smack a dancers ass (out on the floor). Even if the dancer says it's ok - it can be a challenge to talk down a bouncer who is itching to do some damage.
If the club is relaxed and the girl says go for it - then smack that azz!
In most clubs I go to, no way I could spank her during a lapdance, bouncer would be all over us. But, I've spanked almost every stripper I've taken to the VIP... and that's a lot of strippers. I start soft, and they almost always yell at me to go harder
Yeah, I don't ask if I can do it anymore. Once I know I can grope her ass freely (and I don't go past one dance if I can't) I usually just give a playful little swat to start. Coos of excitement or demands for it harder are definitely more common than light scolding.
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If the club is relaxed and the girl says go for it - then smack that azz!