What's the point of getting married (or why should you get in a serious relation

29 comments

• san_jose_guy

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  8 years ago

  ^^^^^^ "I believe you should be faithful IF your significant other expects you to....or leave the relationship." AGREED! I think people just get pushed into committed relationship. And I'm not faulting the women then. But I also think the need to avoid committed relationship is created by outside social forces. SJG
• Mate27

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  8 years ago

  Yeah, why get married when welfare can take care of all the illegitimate children you become baby daddies to?
• JohnSmith69

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  8 years ago

  The disadvantages almost always far outweigh the advantages, at least after several years. But the potential advantages of marriage as I see it are: 1. It's the best way to have and raise children, assuming that you want to be a father. 2. In the extraordinarily unlikely event that you find a dream civie, the sex can be amazing. At least that's what ski bum and seaboard claim. But for 99.9 % of men, the sex will be weak after a few years. 3. Companionship is a potential advantage, but you don't seem to need that from a wife. 4. There are tax advantages to filing as a married couple. But the amounts you will loose in a divorce are a 1000 times greater than any savings. There can also be advantages in employee benefits too. 5. You can hopefully be more confident in fucking bareback without wondering when your dick will fall off. That's all I've got. But I was only married for 25 years so maybe I missed something.
• shadowcat

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  8 years ago

  In some cases to obtain a green card. :)
• rh48hr

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  8 years ago

  I've seen marriages that work. Just like anything it can be done with both parties happy. But more often than not it seems to be the exception than the rule. Most of my friends say they wouldn't get married again if they got a divorce or their spouse died, but I have friends who have remarried as well. I think it all depends on what you're looking for. I said I would never get married again but it briefly crossed my mind as a possibility with my last girlfriend. Briefly. Lol
• Tiburon

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  8 years ago

  @Meat where did that come from?
• BigPoppa99

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  8 years ago

  @ Tiburon, excellent question posed. I've often wondered the same thing. "What's the point in getting married, besides having kids."... You basically end up "paying" for everything, one way or another. Whether you are married or not. Might as well, handle all of your own stuff, and just pay for the fun with no hassles or regrets... It will probably be cheaper! I could be wrong- maybe it's just the outlook of a young person....
• jackslash

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  8 years ago

  I would not get married again. If I were young I would consider it, but at my age I would have to marry some ugly old grandma who would spend all my money and tell me what to do. Q. How can you tell that your wife is dead? A. The sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up in the sink.
• skibum609

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  8 years ago

  I have been a divorce lawyer for almost 34 years and coming up on 26 amazingly happy years with my wife. People who fail at marriage always seem to fail in other relationships. Living together or hooking up is fine for those who plan on never owning anything or saving money because if you are unmarried and own property together, dividing up on a split is a nightmare. As a guy I would never be married before 30 and never be single after 60. The fact I can be self-employed and get union benefits from my wife's job is cool and thats not taking into account her $30.00 and hour part-time job at home coding. She is my favorite sex partner in my life; my favorite ski partner, my favorite dinner companion, my favorite travel companion, my family loves her, I love her family and I am as free as any single guy...he said as he packed his clubs for a week in florida with 3 people I have known for at least 35 years. I get to strip club, we swing, I can gamble and she smokes weed. Yeah paying a whore seems much better lol.
• impala

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  8 years ago

  The purpose of marriage is so the courts have the ability to take half your stuff and give it to the lying bitch that got caught cheating on you but blamed you because you were never home working 2 jobs so she didn't have to get a job.
• shailynn

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  8 years ago

  Advantages: 1. Someone cooks me breakfast on the weekends 2. Free sex 3. I have someone to go out to dinner with 4. 2 incomes = better quality of life 5. Most of the time she looks pretty hot so I have eye candy. 6. If she wasn't at home I'd just have my fish to talk to. 7. She does my laundry. I'm in a positive mood today so I'm not talking about the negatives.
• Mate27

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  8 years ago

  And don't forget, baby daddies get to have welfare take care of their illegitimate children.
• Cashman1234

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  8 years ago

  Just an observation - not sure if it works here but - as your friends get married - and as the women begin to worry about their biological clocks running out - the stream of women who will be available to hook up will become smaller. I'm 51 - and in my 20's I went to a lot of weddings - and in my 30's I went to less - went to 2 weddings in my 40's. Since turning 50 - I've been to several funerals. So things definitely change over time. Maybe the fact that the recent funerals have all been male friends puts better odds in a single guys favor - but who knows. If you are going to father kids - it's good for them to grow up with a mom and dad - or a consistent set of parents.
• rh48hr

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  8 years ago

  Skibum- I'm happy for you that you found the perfect mate. Unfortunately not everyone does and to act holier than thou about it comes across as a douche move. I actually had a great marriage with many of the same freedoms you have with the exception of strip clubbing but I didn't care to club then. Sex was good etc. Then she was struck by a mental disease which changed her whole personality, and the relationship slowly deteriorated (although there were still good times) until SHE asked for the divorce. Since then I've had three serious girlfriends and none of the relationships worked out for one reason or another. So now I go to clubs and do otc when it's in the budget. I wish things could have worked out but not everyone is as perfect as you I guess.
• DaOnion

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  8 years ago

  rh48hr +1
• larryfisherman

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  8 years ago

  I would say the number one positive of getting married is having kids. There is no feeling in the world like knowing you brought a child into the world. Kids alone would make marriage worth it for me.
• sharkhunter

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  8 years ago

  I've never been married but one potential benefit is the possibility of keeping her committed to you and to stop others from attempting to take her away if she's hot if she is committed to a marriage. There are a number of legal advantages via work, insurance, health care laws, benefits after death (if you stay committed) and want her to have these benefits as a widow after you're gone. You can save more in certain retirement accounts as well if married if you don't exceed certain income limits. If one of you gets injured, married spouses can visit, non family may not be able to.
• GoVikings

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  8 years ago

  tiburon, i'm only a few years older than you and i've never been married but would like to one day. i think the biggest advantage is companionship. i mean, i can't speak for anyone but myself and i know everybody is different, but it seems like living alone for all those would be very lonely. now some people are perfectly content with being alone, but most individuals seem to want a companion and thus they get married.
• ATACdawg

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  8 years ago

  I agree that kids and companionship are the main reasons for.getting married. My wife and I went out for all of six weeks before we got engaged - on my 30th birthday. For most of our 34 years of married life, our sex was frequent and great. Menopsuse
• ATACdawg

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  8 years ago

  I agree that kids and companionship are the main reasons for.getting married. My wife and I went out for all of six weeks before we got engaged - on my 30th birthday. For most of our 34 years of married life, our sex was frequent and great. Menopause has pretty much put an end to her libido, but there is still no woman that I would rather spend time with, or two kids I'd rather have than our two daughters, not to mention our grandkids. rh, I don't think skibum was being holier than thou; he's just being honest and grateful for what he has. Lucky? You bet. Unique? Not really. On this forum - definitely rare.
• san_jose_guy

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  8 years ago

  Meat72, you made two nearly identical posts. I understand your words, but I don't understand your real point. Are you saying that marriage should be obligatory, or that there is some wide spread irresponsibility in play? I would dispute you on that. JS69 wrote, ".. It's the best way to have and raise children" You might remember that I posted a thread specifically to address this very subject. There are quite a few of us angry divorced men. What I was hoping to hear were guys who after such a horrid experience and so many years of their lives lost, had decided that they would never do it again and that marriage was a trap and that there is no conceivable reason for it. JS69, one of the most angry, and someone legally savvy, was one I especially wanted to hear from. Marriage and Family, Would You Do It Again [view link] He posted, but he said that he would do it again, for the sake of the children. Well to me, this sounds completely absurd. I know that it is just about universally held that two married parents is the best for children. But how could that be when it so often amounts to disaster? And is "best for the children" really an honest way of looking at the situation? I say that when people say they are married for the sake of the children or that they are staying married for the sake of the children, that they are using those children, exploiting them, so that they can have a normative middle class identity, placate a spouse, get economic benefits, etc. And often it is just so that they can remain in denial, avoid facing their own painful experiences, by hiding behind an adult identity created at the expense of children. And any exploitation of another person is always abuse. My own view is that it only appears that The Family is good for children, and that is simply because of public policies and widely followed societal norms which set it up that so that it looks that way and that that way is favored. How many families are "dysfunctional" or end in divorce? My own position is that these are not no fault situations. That is, there is a continuing financial obligation on the part of the parents to the children, for conducting a reckless experiment which did not work. I view the middle class family as a radical experiment in social engineering. As such, the parents are 100% responsible for the outcome. And then in the US we run around 300 parricides annually. 2/3 of these are committed by juveniles. But this pales in comparison to the number of parents who kill their children. That number is hard to determine, as they will try to cover it up and attribute the death to other causes. But it seems to be well over 3000 annually. extremely interesting book coming out of the UK: [view link] And remember too that the US is just about the only industrial country where a parent can disinherit a child. In almost all of the others, the law makes this extremely difficult. I believe that this is what keeps people quiet about child abuse. Talking about it can mean that the victim loses, instead of the perpetrators. So people are not accustomed to facing it, thinking about it, and recognizing it. And remember that it was with the people of a Pentecostal Church which seemed to serve no other function but to cover up and legitimate child abuse that I helped put one of their own into San Quentin. What tuned me into the situation was the very high level of investment that this guy had in blacksheeping his eldest daughter. I wrote at length to the District Attorney and the Court, and in the years since I have talked extensively with local Police. And I continue to talk about this everywhere I go. I explain that I am certain that that church is saturated with child abuse. The way you find it is by looking for signs of animosity. And you can't be around their people very long before you will get blown away by child blacksheeping narratives. It originates with their concept that some people are Saved and some people are UnSaved, and that mostly this means accepting a denial system which they call 'forgiveness'. And then, most of their people have their own serious histories with alcohol or street drugs. Now this was before they got Saves, of course. But once Saved, the way one gains status in their church is by always talking about their blacksheep child and about all the Christian Pity they are showing them. And in his sermons their Pastor regularly encourages this. I say that underneath all of these cases there is psychological child abuse, at a minimum. So in the US, if someone realizes that they've grown up in a "dysfunctional family" they are directed to a Psycho-Therapist, a 12-Step Recovery Group, or to a church to Get Saved. Well in British Columbia it does not work like that. If you realize that you have grown up in a "dysfunctional family" you just dial 604.264.8470 for Trevor Todd Esq. in Vancouver. [view link] Todd will send someone one time to try and talk some sense into the senile suicidal testators, because otherwise the estate will be paying his fees. If they don't listen, then he files under the Wills Variation Act. To collect it is not necessary to show either abuse, neglect, disability, or need. Courts routinely shred lopsided wills. When these have been appealed in their nation's highest court, that court has gone even further to benefit the one who was to have been cut out. Taryton v Taryton 1996. And thanks to Tiburon for starting this most interesting type of thread. Seeds had been planted to broach this subject on a number of recent threads. Thanks to Tiburon for recognizing this. SJG Philip Glass - Akhnaten [view link] [view link] [view link] [view link] Bayreuth Orchestra Pit [view link] Does portion of stage slide shut? But is it not totally flat on top then? Trip hazard? Maybe some of those lose pieces shown in the picture get installed on top of the part that moves, to make the stage totally flush?
• Mate27

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  8 years ago

  ^^^^ There is a mentality from poor people that it's OK to skip away from your responsibilities and leave your children behind for someone else to take care of them, mostly from the same people who vote liberal. Thus encourages negative behavior and sustains the cycle of poverty and reliance on government assistance.
• Tiburon

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  8 years ago

  huh....seems like the only answer I actually heard was for creating children. But I always planned to adopt anyway, so me having my own kids or not seems irrelevant, and since I'm perfectly content with living alone at the end of the night, there seems to be absolutely no persuasion to think otherwise. @sharkhunter can't you get health care benefits WITHOUT the married spouse? @GoVikings & ATACDawg eh companionship can be found amongst non-sexual friends I think. Like being friends with you old timers IRL. Many are divorced and don't want to bother with it again, so after work fun can be had for the long run. And it seems being alone doesn't really bother me, so I guess there's not much else holding me back from living the permanent bachelor life....especially if I work and the misses. does not. @Cashman1234 sounds like being single allows you to live longer lol @Meat72 I'm not sure if your trolling or your low key being racist? Either way, I'm a condom type of guy. withdrawal is just too "hard" for me right now lol
• jester214

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  8 years ago

  Family and companionship are the only good reasons in my opinion. I guess for some people there's an economic component that can be beneficial, though in most cases children probably negate that. If you don't want a family then I think it's something to consider very carefully. There are exceptions but most people have no idea what they're getting into.
• Mate27

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  8 years ago

  Whoa....whoa there Tiburon! Who brought the theme of racism into this picture? Surely you were the first to go in that direction as I've seen many fathers from all cultures reign dead beat dads. Since I'm white most of those examples are from white people. Seems to me if the response doesn't fit to your agenda you scream "racism" at the drop of a hat, similar to a certain someone who claims to be a fair and unbiased leader as POTUS. The comment is straight forward, many people don't get married, especially poor people, because of the lack of maintaining responsibility. If you think that pertains to any race then you are the bigot. If I was trolling I would just call everyone a "faggit" and leave it be, instead I added a truthful surge in the trend of men over the past 40 years. Can u find examples of rich men doing the same thing? Sure but nobody was talking about race. Sorry my response doesn't cater to your agenda. The truth hurts, but it's better than being a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining the world won't devote itself to making you happy, like the irresponsible lots would have it.
• Timex345

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  8 years ago

  I enjoy being single. Thankfully, there is no family pressure to change my situation. I love women. But, I can't commit the rest of my life to just one girl. I am not opposed to settling down. But, I would have missed out on all of the adventures I have had clubbing. Guilt free clubbing is the best.
• Timex345

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  8 years ago

  So many people cheat. I do wander why people get married?
• san_jose_guy

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  8 years ago

  Meat, everybody wants to do well. Men would not leave a woman pregnant or with a child unless it was the lesser of two evils. For a man who does not have adequate income, staying with the woman will be a nightmare situation. She and the child will do better off without him. This is how the world defined by Capitalism works. Ontario Canada, Universal Basic Income!!!!! [view link] I think a basic income guarantee is mandatory. Capitalism is what creates unemployment. And Cecil Williams and the people who run Guild Memorial United Methodist Church in San Francisco have got it right. Poverty is caused by social marginalization. So a corollary is simply this, everyone wants to do well. They want to win the admiration of family and friends. So if they are not doing well, then there must be some social marginalization or disability at work here. But as the main problem is marginalization, then we should not talk about disability, as usually this just means more marginalization. And of course it is absurd that people should be accepting psychiatric labels. These are just an extreme form of oppression. So for there to be justice there has to be this basic income guarantee, or what amounts to cradle to grave welfare. The typical person on welfare takes far less out of our economy than those employed do. And if the welfare recipient is not driving around much in a car, then they are treading far more lightly on the earth than those who senselessly burn up gas and dump CO2 into the atmosphere to do jobs which produce absolutely nothing which people need to live. Now welfare takes money out of gov't coffers, but in the US welfare has never been more than 3% of federal expenditure. This is much less than corporate welfare and other expenses directed to the betterment of the middle class in order to maintain political allegiance, or to keeping the poor down. So welfare is a cheaper way to keep our society going than the present state of affairs. And then as far as federal accounts, it is the federal gov't which controls the printing press, the furnace, and interest rates which multiply the availability of money by the inverse of the interest rate. Suffice to say, federal accounts and the money supply are all under gov't control, hence it is artificial. It is just a matter of who and what are being served by it. So as those who are not doing well are simply the victims of social injustice, we must redress this social injustice. 1. Stop using psychiatric labels, learning disability labels, or morality labels. 2. Offer people value producing work, not nonsense just to get a paycheck. 3. Provide this cradle to grave welfare system as efficiently as possible, and understand that everyone wants to be a useful and meaningful part of our society. 4. Follow my recommendation and hold parents accountable for exploiting their children, using them to give themselves a adult identity. This amounts to psychological child abuse. So besides criminal prosecution where practical, also prevent disinheritance and offer something like a divorce from one's parents when their is parent v child animosity. Make the parents pay, and pay dearly. Make it so that child exploitation no longer pays. 5. And for those who insist on calling the poor lazy or immoral, know that this is how Capitalism works. It is the family where this starts, with the designation of a child as the blacksheep. Those who denigrate the poor are just doing what their parents did to them. So the poor and marginalized need to start standing up for themselves rather than submitting. They and all of us must start engaging in public advocacy and non-violent civil disobedience. 6. And then since the New Economy and Libertarianism are really just the old Social Darwinism and Eugenics Movement, saying that the poor are not fit to compete, we all need to be prepared to do more than just be non-violent. We don't want to be like Anne Frank's father, hiding in an attic waiting for the Gestapo. We need to be ready to engage in guerrilla warfare, the use of lethal force, and without taking prisoners. Unless we are willing to do this, then we are helping the eugenicists who say that we are not fit to live. Gandhi and Jesus lived in violent revolutionary times. They were only able to accomplish their works because others were maintaining the constant threat of lethal violence on a large scale. [view link] SJG
• Tiburon

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  8 years ago

  @meat you didn't mention that your examples were white, thus how would I know what your referencing. For no reason whatsoever, you brought up deadbeat dads when the topic is marriage? Why would you randomly bring that tidbit of information. "...many people don't get married, especially poor people, because of the lack of maintaining responsibility." instead of saying this in your first post about deadbeat dads, you left field came out the blue with it. Your comments were remote to the discussion at hand. As far as I can read, from my perspective it seems like either your trolling or making comments to create a rise such as mine which just sounds like trolling to me. But don't worry bro, I forgive you....because I have no bastards to compare myself to those deadbeat dads