Ex-favorite's bizarre sens of entitlement

“... Of course I was sympathetic and diligently listened to her hardships when we were together. I was generous with $ because I know she was struggling … my honey morphed from this fine, sexy, easy going sweetheart that was fun to party with into acting like a high maintenance, spoiled rotten, miserable civie gf … This shit is really baffling ”

IMO; you should not be baffled at all – as far as I'm concerned these days I am more “baffled” when a dancer is reliable and acts accordingly – i.e. I expect SS sooner or later so when dealing w/ dancers I don't have any expectations or dreams of grandeur – having low expectations often means I won't be as disappointed when the stripper-shit hits the fan and will thus be pleasantly surprised when/if she does something right.

I've heard psychologists often talk about boundaries and their beneficial/healthful effects – I think one def needs to have “boundaries” w/ dancers as in not being too nice a guy or too willing to bend/yield towards the dancers' wishes.

Often times w/ people in general and dancers specifically; the more you give the more they want and the more they want to take; reminds me of a Seinfeld episode (youtube.com)

IME dealing w/ dancers in particular; when I try to be the-nice-guy/friend; I usually get diminishing returns – not saying one has to be an a-hole (alhtough that seems to work best for many dudes) but IME the nicer you are to a dancer often times the more they take you for granted and the more they want from you while simultaneously doing the least for you – many of these girls spend their personal time w/ thugs and/or o/w dirtbags and they use PLs – i.e. they use PLs to get what they want/need and then they go and hangout with the dirtbags and use our $$$ to spend on them (the dirtbags).

If you constantly feed a stray-cat; of course it's gonna keep coming back asking for more and expecting it.

Papi is like the Jedi Master here and he's right - eventually it happens. 3 weeks into the relationship or 3 years - either way, it happens.

I had a stripper that I had OTC with for over a year with no single problems. She always showed up late but I didn't really see that as a problem. Then in one day, she came 6 hours late, made me late for a dinner date, and she apparently was on something (I didn't even know she drank let alone did drugs) talking crazy shit about a sister and she told me before she was an only child. I ended that quick!

Anyway you like her, so maybe just stay cool and ride out the storm, maybe her life will calm back down and she will return back to normal. When bad things happen to people they act crazy and their whole equalibriam is fucked up - myself included.

Maybe you should have a frank talk with her, saying "you really enjoy your time with her, and you're prepared to pay X for it. You don't want to pay more than X for it and will cease this arrangement is she doesn't calm it down." Of course you can say it much more eloquent than that.

Yeah...even my ex-ATF (who I would see OTC for free) wasn't immune to SS from time to time. It's par for the course.

I will say, the best way to end a beautiful ITC relationship is to see her OTC, because either yours or her expectations will change when that happens. She'll feel too entitled and demand more and more money, or the guy will think he's having a real date and not have to pay at all. There are exceptions of course, but this is the rule of thumb as far as my experience goes.

If you constantly feed a stray-cat; of course it's gonna keep coming back asking for more and expecting it.

^ BAM! Nailed it!

Papi_Chulo---> "IMO; you should not be baffled at all – as far as I'm concerned these days I am more “baffled” when a dancer is reliable and acts accordingly – i.e. I expect SS sooner or later so when dealing w/ dancers I don't have any expectations or dreams of grandeur – having low expectations often means I won't be as disappointed when the stripper-shit hits the fan and will thus be pleasantly surprised when/if she does something right."

The extent to which I not just agree with you in theory, but had internalized those low expectations, really came to me when my ATF became my bodyrub girl (who I started seeing "OTC", to the extent that that concept carries over) after years of only ATFing and OTCing strippers. I had stripper-type low expectations for her ... I expected her to go silent near when we were supposed to meet, or if she didn't go silent, I expected her to be late, or if not late, manipulative, full of poor-me stories, some other wacky thing. I'd be driving to our rendezvous point, not hearing from her, already feeling like she was definitely going to flake and feeling furious over it, but she always got back to me, always made it, always on time. I expected her to fuck me over in some way, at every turn, and she simply didn't. It's been a bizarre experience to me -- I now have almost civilian-like expectations for her, not stripper expectations.

In retrospect, I guess I should have expected it. Bodyrub girls have to make appointments, be there on time every time, never forget an appointment, always communicate clearly especially those rare times she will be late or an emergency arises, not show up fucked up, and make each appointment delightful regardless of her personal woes, or she gets shredded in reviews and her business dries up fast. It's a basic life skill many strippers don't have or need or want or value -- and when I find a stripper who breaks the mold, I def hold onto her.

So my lowest expectations are reserved for strippers, although as I get older, my limit for what level of flakiness I'll tolerate has drastically lowered, and I move on even from CFs far more easily and dispassionately than I used to. I realize there's always another CF, or even ATF, just around the corner who I'll like as much, and I'm happier not putting up with much lack of respect for my time

Oh yes,the spider and the fly.This is why you will continue to be "Lone_wolf".

My ATF turned out the same way. The first 6months to a year were awesome. Then it some how morphed into a me taking care of her situation that drained me of money. My biggest problem was that I ended up having feelings for her and falling for her.

I learned the really, really, really hard way. But it's a lesson I'll never forget now with strippers. But that comes with experience and school of hard knocks.

Papi is 100% correct so is Subra every one here has gone thru this if you are smart you learn from it and never again allow any stripper to spend your money other what you want to spend. Because of the way they run their lives there is always an emergency, they always have a great excuse for why they are late but you need to stick to what you know, and just use them for your own ends not be used by them. There are plenty of stray cats if one leaves at least 10 more are there to take their place.

Women, whether strippers or not, are always bitching and complaining about something. The only reason I get blow jobs is so they will shut the fuck up.

jackslash - so true. The fine ones have been having their perfect asses kissed by dudes since they were early teens. It is no wonder they have such a distorted sense of entitlement. In fact, in a bizarre way, the more shitty they act is testament of how comfortable they are with a PL since that is how they act in the civie world.

While nowhere near as often now as in the past I do get dances from a stripper I have known since she was 19. She is now 29. Still super hot and fun in the CR. What amazes me today is that we've never discussed her b/f or g/f situation, she has never asked me for a cent for bills or a loan etc., we have never negotiated a price for anything in advance, I have never asked for her number and she has never offered. Neither of us has mentioned OTC. We will watch football together tomorrow. Go Pats.

Usually the problems arise in OTC as one gets more involved w/ a dancer's personal life and thus her personal problems.

The maximum time for any kind of a "relationship" with a stripper is six months. That's around the time she stops hiding her need for your financial support and becomes demanding. Timing is everything. If you can keep your cool, just break it off before the six month mark and move on to the next one.

SuperDude: I've had a dancer become my CF and then turn toxic on me in 3 weeks! Then there's my ex-ATF whom I knew 5 years, and my C/F I've known almost 20. I wouldn't drop a favorite in 6 months just because I think that's her expiration date.

It would probably help if we didn't have the attitude that being a sex worker makes a woman nasty. Messes with her head, makes her fell the need to not focus of just doing the best thing to get her money. Starts trying to make it seem like something other than entertaining someone well to get as much $$$ as possible from them.

In my experience, not too many of these girls can maintain that playful pose forever with the same person. She obviously got comfortable, probably too much so, and started taking you for granted. There are a lot of guys who actually like getting into the heads of these girls and crave that type of drama, which may be part of why she thought it was ok to do with you. Obviously she misjudged you and, in my humble opinion, cutting it off when it is no longer fun is exactly the right thing to do. I do the same thing myself as I have no more interest in drama than you do.

Good luck in your search for the next fun thing.