You Know Your'e A Regular When....
1) Strippers know your PIN number.
2) Spend more time in VIP Room than your own Living Room.
3) Valet has a spare set of your car keys.
4) Door charge? What door charge?
5) Strippers know your name...even your middle name.
6) They hand you the TV remote control.
7) Strippers ask you to remind of their work schedule.
8) You know more about their family than yours.
9) You know all their outfits...you bought them.
10) You actually know their real names.
2) Spend more time in VIP Room than your own Living Room.
3) Valet has a spare set of your car keys.
4) Door charge? What door charge?
5) Strippers know your name...even your middle name.
6) They hand you the TV remote control.
7) Strippers ask you to remind of their work schedule.
8) You know more about their family than yours.
9) You know all their outfits...you bought them.
10) You actually know their real names.
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33 comments
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By verfolgung:
....You regularly get dirty looks from a guys sitting at the tip rail who turn around to see who the dancer keeps smiling and winking at instead of paying attention to them and their $1 tip.
....You can recognize the "will someone please hand me a towel with alcohol" look on a dancer's face
....You've ever had a dancer's stalker call YOU to find out whether or not your more than friends
....You commonly have "Field of Dreams" moments and wonder if you install a pole in your living room, will they come?
....When you're at home watching TV and your SO sits on your lap, you immediately put your hands down by your sides.
....The cashier at the day spa giggles when you walk in to buy gift certificates because so many different girls have come in to redeem your previous purchases.
....You can look around the club and tell where each dancer is sitting by the drink that's on the table
....Friends and family no longer believe you when you answer your cell phone and say, "Oh that, it's just my car stereo you're hearing."
....You've asked payroll to split your direct deposit into two accounts so your SO doesn't see all the withdrawals you make
....You and the girls in the "amateur" night contest recognize each other from the other clubs you visit
....You walk by a lingerie store, see a sexy outfit, and imagine how it would look on your favorite dancer ... even when your wife is standing right next to you
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By Others:
…You have the nerve to ask the waitress at IHOP if you can tip her between her boobs
…You become confused when your neighbor talks negatively about the “high mileage” on his car
…People always come to you when they need change for a five because you always have plenty of ones
…When you go to the ballpark, the beer there seems cheap by comparison
…At work, you fantasize about your hot looking HR director giving you a lap dance, even as she’s reading the sexual harassment guidelines
…You laugh when a non-club going friend bitches about a $2.50 charge for using an ATM
…Pestering the wife about the obscenely high credit card bill she ran up at Neiman Marcus seems hypocritical
…You compare prices in stores in terms of how many lap dances it would cost as if LD’s were an alternative currency: Hey sweetie, this HD television costs only 150 laps!
…You insist that your SO wear only a g-string and platform heels while she does housework
…Hearing a techno song on the radio brings back pleasant memories of last weekend
…You cut down to generic coffee, cigarettes, beer, and buy day old meat and bread so you can use the savings to fund your next trip
…You buy contacts just for SC use. Tired of taking your glasses off for a little stage lovin' and want to see after they are off
…You take a date out to dinner, you tell her you want to go to your favorite restaurant and you take her to the club to eat
…You feel the need to tip people everywhere you go. “Here, McDonalds Window Guy, here's a dollar.”
…You get a whiff of lotion, and you can place the dancer who uses it, and the outfit she was wearing
…You get up from a chair you’re sitting in, you automatically tip it forward
…You consider getting a part-time job just to go clubbing
…You originally started going because it was cheaper then dating only to have your monthly habit quickly exceed anything you ever spent dating
…A dancer comes out on stage, sees you and exclaims "Oh my God, you cut your hair!"
…You hear a song on the radio and instead of thinking "who's the artist?", you think... "who dances to that?"
…Instead of going to the club after work, you stay till 4AM and go to work after the club
…You start to measure your purchases in "LDEs", lap dance equivalents
…You are at a trade show, and a rep invites you back to "her booth", and you start to get a woody
…The girls start talking to you about current events
…Your SO is sitting on your lap for a cuddle, and as she leaves you reach for your wallet for a tip
…You base your new clothing purchases on how you think it feels for the dancers!! "Hmmm, I think Miss X will like these nice soft pants!"
...Your monthly habit would pay the mortgage on a house or make the payments on 4 German sports cars beginning with the letter P simultaneously, and you still want to spend more
…You realize you need to cut back, you still spend more than the rent on your apartment
…You feel like neighbors with one of the girls because every time you are there, she spends most of the night dancing in the chair next to yours
…You recognize other regulars not because you have talked to them...but because you always see them in the VIP with their regular dancer too
....You remember one year to the day your favorite first danced for you and consider it an anniversary of sorts, so you celebrate by getting more dances from her
…You have named your favorite moves so you just call out... forward grind/ left leg behind, reverse booty shake right, frontal attack 1, inverted mig, reverse combo booty shake left, forward grind, standard booty shake with transition and she knows what your talking about and doesn't miss a beat while doing all your favorite moves
….Your new pair of silk boxers lasts fewer than 20 trips before holes appear
…You buy something and break a $20 you always ask for change in $1's
…You see a lovely young lady walk by and wonder what she'd look like in a g-string and how good she'd be in the LD room
…You are planning your next visit while walking to the car from this visit
…You hear a song and say "Wow.. that would be a great song for Bambi to dance to.. I'll tell her next time.."
...The flower lady and shooter girl consult your Palm Pilot before making their schedules for the month...
…Your wallet contains more VIP cards than credit cards and ID combined...
…All of the bank tellers grunt when they see you enter the bank b/c they know you will request a large sum of money in small denominations
…You are OK with spending $$$ on your ATF.....but think twice when your SO ask for $50 roses...(thinking "Ahrgh, thats 3 LD's from candy...")
…You start clapping at the end of a song when you are at a regular bar or club
…You see ladies at the mall and wonder if she is a stripper
…You see a lady paying in ones to a cashier automatically assume she must be a stripper
...You hear a song on the radio which is the opening song for your ATF’s stage set and you think of it as "Our song"
...It doesn't matter how much money your favorite handed you to hold for her (along with her dancer duds, cigarettes and accessories) you gave her most of the money in the first place. Why would you rip off yourself?
... Your face has glow to it you never noticed before. Getting those damn sparkles off your face is a bitch isn’t it?
...You hope you don't get called to a meeting when your at work right this minute because you just had a flashback to what your ATF did last night and standing is tough
…Dancer 2 always knows you've been with Dancer 1 because of the perfume YOU are wearing
...Your ATF can push all your buttons at the same time just with a stare
...A stripper car wash is a wash because you donated $20 and they gave you four free passes to come back to the club
...You know exactly who is going out with who ... and who is cheating on who in the club sometimes before they do
…You fold your one dollar bill before tipping the Dunkin Donuts counter girl and ask her if "Hi, my name is *****" is her real name....
…Your ATF takes you to sell your plasma, then gives you a couple lap dances in exchange for the $25 you would have otherwise earned
....You justify the cost of something that you would otherwise think of absurdly expensive by saying, well that's only 3 lap dances
…Your Christmas list for dancers greater or equal the size of your regular list
…You know your ATF's bra, panty and dress size, but have no clue what size your wife wears
…You know your ATF’s favorite lap dance chair, and are willing to wait for it to open up so you can get your dances
…You have minor surgery one day and then find yourself at the SC the following day
...You regularly have to come up with new and creative excuses for why your covered with glitter again. "Yeah, there was a surprise birthday party at the office...again...yeah, third party this week."
...Newbies ask you for advice on how to improve their stage performances
...The club opens at 12:00PM and closes at 2:00AM - For Everybody Else
...You have a drawer full of t-shirts which came with the 2:1 showcase
...Your buddy offers you a ticket to the game and you turn him down. You'd rather watch it on TV because you consider the live half time show more important anyway.
...You've ever used CoinStar to gather money for a lapdance
...A perfectly bronzed body in the middle of January seems normal
...Your hats and neck ties have been places you can only dream of
...You can pull into the parking lot and know who's working that day
....You can tell when another customer has had a little "accident" by the untucked shirt and the way he waddles immediately from the private dance area to the mens' room.
....The DJ will re-arrange the rotation of the stage sets if you're in the middle of getting your dances from your ATF
....You have no problem calling a flourist and ordering a bouquet to be delivered with name cards like "To Fantasia"
....Before you get to the club you call ahead to see what kind of lattes and ice coffee everyone would like
....You commonly find yourself sitting next to a cocktail table with nearly a dozen mixed drinks on it. Whenever a dancer needs a safe place to put her drink it ends up in front of you.
....Your buddies ask if you've managed to kick your "hundred dollar habbit", and you gladly reply, "nope."
....You regularly go home smelling like you spent the day hanging out at a department store perfume counter.
....It feels strange to go to a normal club and actually have to ask women if they would like to dance
....You've been asked on more than one occasion to be someone's green card marriage
....You know all the stories behind each of the dancer's tatoos
....You've ever given relationship adivce during a lap dance
....You've ever bought a set of golf clubs just to have an excuse to tell your wife where you go on Sat. afternoons (note: a boweling ball will also work. Plus it's cheaper and takes up less space in your trunk)
....(Follow up to previous) You tell your wife you've been golfing (boweling, playing pool, etc.) every Sat. afternoon for the past two years, and yet your game hasn't improved one bit
....You can keep a strait face when a newbie tells you her name is Chocolate
....You've ever had to travel an hour and half home via the back roads because you couldn't help but spend the highway toll money on a final stage tip before walking out the door
....You think everything's fine and good until one day one of your daughter's friends decides to audition for a job
....Your ATF factors your visits into the timing of her future purchases
....Your ATF gives you updates to her "life" to pass along to the other dancers in the club should other customers ask about her
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
2 They wait till after the room to run your credit card
3 The waitress know your empty by the way you hold the bottle
Dancers / Waitresses ask you to go pick up Food & Coffee for them.
You can go in, declare you have no money with you, and still get just as many drinks and dances as you normally do.
At least 2 dancers ask you to finance their boob jobs.
You mark the dancers periods in your calendar so you can arrange your schedule accordingly.
You knopw the fastest route to the club from any point in town.
Your budget includes a heading "Strip Club"
2) If you don't show up at your regular time, the dancers and the staff actually worry about you
3) You can know who all the other regulars are
4) The waitress brings your drink before you even have a chance to order
5) Your favorite dancer knows what time you'll be getting your dances
6) Looking at women in their street cloths is no longer as appealing
7) You start to look at women rate whether she could be dancer a dancer or not
8) You're cell phone address book looks like this:
Candy (Julie)
Desire (Mary)
China (Angela)
9) You keep a roll of 1's in your glove compartment
10) You know of all the banks where you can get $2 bills
11) You know all about the details of your favorite dancer's "real life" and her other life
12) You're favorite dancer can tell you a story involving three people, while using 6 names and you can follow along without any problem
13) Airdance, Medium Contact, Full Contact, Mileage, PL, RIL, Extra ... are all familiar terms in your vocabulary
15) You keep an extra shirt in your trunk and you know how to get changed in your car so the wife won't smell the perfume on you
16) You've ever walked around the club for several hours with a big red lipstick mark on your forehead without knowing it
17) You know the dancer's schedules better than the house mom
18) A C-cup no longer seems impressive
19) You can spot a newbie from across the room by her how she walks - not quite used to those 6" platforms yet
20) Half naked women can walk by you now without even phasing you
21) You now know more about perfume, makeup, and hair removal than you ever cared to know
22) Guys who sit at the tip rail and don't tip the dancers start to piss you off as well
23) Watching olympic gymnists is no longer impressive, you see women doing cooler tricks on the pole with 6" platforms after they've had a few
24) When you go out to a normal bar with your buddies you never complain about drink prices - they're cheaper than what you're used to
25) Songs on the radio remind you lapdances you've received
26) Meeting porn stars in person is no longer that big of a deal
27) Your vacation plans center around clubs you've been wanting to check out
28) You able to remind dancers of where they are in the rotation and when they'll have to go on stage next
29) You know who to believe and who not to, when they tell you your ATF isn't working that night
30) Friends of your ATF keep you company while your ATF is busy, and don't expect you to buy dances from them
31) The manger goes to the dressing room and lets your ATF know you've arrived
32) You're no longer uncomfortable around taller women, in 6" inch heals even the 5'2" girl is taller than you
33) You can sit in a no-contact club with your arm around a dancer and no one will say anything to you
34) You know that rain means the club will be busy
35) When your freinds need advice on where to go and who they should see on Fri. night, they know who to ask.
2.The bartender knows you've changed drinks or brands.
3. Your ATF knows you just got paid.
4.The manager gives you a drink on the house to get you started.
5. Other dancers tell you that your ATF is not working that night.
6. The hottest waitress in the place gives you real hug.
1. the doorman just waves you in and says he knows you
2. the waitress or bartender just hands you your regular beer
3. a dancer jokes that some of the other customers thought I was her boyfriend