Who's ready for a religious experience

Apr 20, 2015, 3:41 PM

Fat bastard that can afford to fuck hot strippers

When the developers of a swingers club were denied building permits the reclassified it as a church. The submitted the exact same plans but renamed the "dungeon" as a" choir room" and the "game room" as a "fellowship hall."

Maybe we could use this method to help get around zoning for strip clubs. The stage could be the "alter" where the priestess could spread her message to the masses. The private lapdance booths could be called "confessionals" so we can confess our sins and everything that happens in them would be privileged. Our tips could be a form of "tithing" since many of us already spend 10% of our money there.

Apparently all that we would have to do is prove that worship services take place. I know that several trips to the vip, i mean "sanctuary" have ended with a religious experience with someone calling god's name.

The only question is what should we call this new church?

comments (13)

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4got2wipe10 years ago

Brilliant!

ATACdawg10 years ago

Just a few minor comments on you novel plan:

If you call something an ALTAR, you may lose all the Protestants, as we don't have altars, but communion tables. I think the bar would be ideal for this function.
The stage in a church is called a chancel. Clearly, the minister/priest (there's one of those pesky differences between Catholics and Protestants again) would preside with all of his acolytes (dancers). Maybe they could even do sensuous things with hot wax!
One possible solution would be to rotate Catholic, Protestant and Jewish perspectives throughout the evening - that way we could cover all the bases.
We Protestants don't have confessionals either. However, in the interest of ecumenical peace, I would certainly be willing to compromise.
The tithing thing is brilliant, and I don't think that we will have a problem exceeding the average church's threshold!

Finally, when we are going to the club and our SO asks where we are going, we can truthfully answer, "I'm going to church!"

It's Brilliant!

mikeya0210 years ago

Make sure you keep the Southern Baptists out.

georgmicrodong10 years ago

You could affiliate with the Church of All Worlds, though I suspect Heinlein would be amused.

caw.org

ATACdawg10 years ago

They shouldn't present a problem, in fact, the men will embrace the new church quickly, particularly if we install a hot tub with naked women and call it a baptismal font.

A few (actually, about 35 years ago!) a group of us were returning from a mission trip to Jamaica and were going through Customs and were declaring our stuff. The agent asked the purpose of our trip and when we said "church mission trip" he grimaced a bit and said, "Oh? What denomination?". "Presbyterian. . Visibly relieved, he said, "That's good. Presbyterians always declare their liquor. If you'd said Baptist, I'd have had to go through all your bags."

sharkhunter10 years ago

Maybe call it the church of Venus? We would have ministers or dancers dressed as goddesses in their outfits and all the worshipers going up to tithe small donations at the altars. The church might even get tax exempt status. Somehow I think many in general society would be opposed to such a church. Probably the only thing worse in their mind would be a church for Satanists. One of the requirements to worship is that some measure of love be shown to the ministers. I would be willing to caress some titties. All part of the church service of course.

whodey10 years ago

ATAC ... I am more than willing to change any terminology in order to create religious harmony. Nondenominational churches seem to be in fashion nowadays so we can follow that trend. I love the idea of the baptismal font.

This lapsed catholic has been looking for a reason to go back to church and this may be just what I need.

sharkhunter10 years ago

I always thought allowing religious freedom for all could go a long way in this country.

JohnSmith6910 years ago

The SCG Church.

JohnSmith6910 years ago

The Strip Club Gods' Church

tumblingdice10 years ago

Those snake dancers,no telling what limits they will go to.

JohnSmith6910 years ago

And 4/20 is our Easter. I'm ready to worship at the alter, tithe my 10%, and go to the confessional and start sinning. Anybody else want to smoke mother earth with me and let the service begin!

san_jose_guy10 years ago

I don't go for Republican or Religious Swinger's Clubs.

But, if you make a strip club members only, you do get around all zoning and public nudity or sex act rules.

SJG