There is one good thing about the prospect of Hillary as President -- the jokes.
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Go" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off.
He storms into his security staffs HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well dammit, dont just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!" The entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits.
Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"
Clinton says "Oh hell, give me the bad news first."
The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gores urine." Clinton says "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own Vice President! Damn....Well, whats the really bad news?"
The officer replies "Well sir, its Hillarys handwriting."
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last commentQ. How does Bill Clinton keeps his beer cold when he is at a ball game?
He has Hillary hold it between her legs.
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While undressing for bed one night, good ole Bill notices something like a red rash around his you know what. Alarmed, he thinks, "I can't let Hillary see this!"
He makes an appointment to see his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day.
"Doc," he says, "I've got this red ring around my, you know. What is it and how do I get rid of it?"
The doctor says, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but take these pills for a week, and see if that takes care of it. If not, come back and we'll try something else."
Bill takes the pills for a week but unfortunately, the red ring is still there after 7 days. He goes back to the doctor and tells him the pills didn't help. So the doctor prescribes another medication, capsules this time, and gives him the same instructions. Take them for a week, and come back if it's not improved.
He takes the capsules for a week, and damn, the red ring is still there! So he goes back to the doctor and asks,
"What next?"
The doctor gives him a cream in a tube this time.
"Rub this on every day for a week and let me know."
Bill goes back in a week and says,
"Great news Doc! The rash is gone! That stuff in the tube was wonderful! What was it?"
The doctor replied, "Lipstick remover."
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Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.
"Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that, if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no-one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then address Hilary. "Hilary, what do you believe in?"
" I believe you're in my chair."
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Hillary Clinton says she's the most qualified to become President because she was married to a president for eight years. Now let me ask you, if your brain surgeon quit his job, would everyone in the operating room say, "Wait, let's get his wife." Chris Rock
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Great jokes!
I think the only reason we have our current President was because nobody wanted Hillary years ago.....
Best thing Bill could have done when he was President was say "look at Hillary....who came blame me?" He should have owned his affair. We would have torn up the constitution and made him King.
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But I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night!
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If Hillary became president don't look for her to create jobs. The only one she had she outsourced to Monica.
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This type of humor is what you get when men in their dotage are fed a steady diet of Fox News and the Daily Mail (the UK's cross between Fox News and the National Enquirer).
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Pres. Clinton comes out of the White House one morning for his daily jog. The head Secret Service agent notices he has a german shepherd walking beside him and asks " Your dog, Mr. President ?". He says " No, I got this dog for Hillary." The head agent looks at the dog, then looks up at Clinton and says " Good trade, Mr. President !".
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Well now we're a pillar of society.
We don't worry about the things that you used to be.
You're a rag-trade girl,you're the queen of porn.
You're the easiest lay on the White House lawn.
Get out of my life,don't come back.
She's so respectable.
Jagger/Richards
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Seems someone might be offended, therefore no more jokes will be allowed. The thought police are on it!
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Jokes are fine with me, Clubber, just strikes me as dotard humor. Hark to tell whether Hillary's running for the Democratic or Republican nominee? Or running for queen of the hypocrites (see my post in Dougster's thread)?
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Hark == Hard
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J43,
Seemed you were offended. Seems to me those that are most offended most always are on the left. The "tolerant" ones. Well as least if you agree with them. Just a very "thin" political insight.
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What does Hillary Clinton do every morning after she shaves her pussy?
She sends him to work.
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Ha @ crazyjoe!
Bill is the only pussy that's working in that relationship.
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Rumor Control: KFC plans to use the proceeds from their menu sale of the "Hillary Special" to donate to her presidential campaign. The "Hillary Special" comes with 2 small breasts, 2 fat thighs, and a left wing...........
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Nice - those were funny.
BTW - I think it would be hard for Hillary to become president b/c she lacks charisma and IMO she is probably hard to like by most.
IMO Obama beat Hillary in 2008 mainly b/c he was much more likable.
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Papi,
And "black:".
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NEED YOUR HELP
Can I count on you?
I got this from a fellow that asked if I would contact you.
Please read on.
I have the distinguished honor of being on the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary Rodham Clinton.
We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington , D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband William J. Clinton, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money.
Thank you for your generous contribution.
Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee
P.S. The Committee has raised $2.16 so far.
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I'll be voting for Hillary but I like the jokes too!
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rock,
That would make you certifiable!
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