Farmerart Dodges Not A Bullet But A Howitzer Shell

Oct 21, 2010, 3:08 PM

Back in early September I was chilling out in the local watering hole with the resident rednecks. I had just returned from a visit in Toronto with my Million Dollar Saloon sweetie and I was feeling especially mellow. Conversation turns to the upcoming county elections. The boys tell me to run for county councilor. I use the word "fuck" in as many contexts as possible to convey my feelings about this proposition.

"Another table full of beer" I say to the biker owner of our fine drinking establishment.

A couple of rounds later the subject arises again. I use the same word again but in capital letters - "FUCK YOU".

"More beer please, Godfrey".

Do you see where this is going? It seems that sometime during that unfortunate evening I actually signed the nomination papers!!

I lived in terror for three weeks that I would be elected. I couldn't stand the tension so I left for my condo in Vancouver. I did vote for my opponent in the advance poll before I left.

Last Monday was civic election day in Alberta - my opponent creams me: I lose magnificently. I joke about this but I do take civic responsibilities seriously. Is it time for farmerart to join AA?

comments (8)

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farmerart15 years ago

Well, shit! I thought I had the edit techniques figured out. I am such a useless putz. Help me out, georgmicrodong.

farmerart15 years ago

Hooray!! Idiot farmerart finally figured out the edit techniques. Back to MFC (both of them), george.

Prim015 years ago

Farmerart is calling others "rednecks"?! I can't imagine what kind of inbred hillbillies live near him.

LOL/JK

georgmicrodong15 years ago

I suspect you're like most people, art: unelectable. You don't lie well enough, and you have too much personal integrity to screw people over like a politico seemingly must do. And you have an additional handicap that I share. You're whoring about will come to light if any high enough office is at stake.

Dudester15 years ago

I ran for office twice. The first time, in a forum, I went first and made a speech about ten things I wanted to accomplish and how I was going to do it. My opponent got up and said "I think I can do a better job", then sat down. I lost by a margin of ten to one. A year later, when she had accomplished nothing but attend a few meetings, her supporters came to me and apologized for voting for her.

The second time (same job-she didn't run again) I was pitted against a career poltician in the midst of a sexual harassment lawsuit. Still, he dug up all my dirty laundry, aired it in public, then tried to pin some of his shit on me (I actually had to appear at a commissioner meeting and produce proof that I didn't commit the acts). Anyway, I won by a margin of three to one. I only served that one term.

rickdugan15 years ago

Nah farmer, you are just fine. AA is for quitters ;)

samsung115 years ago

I'm a recovering alcoholic...I'm just now getting back into drinking

shadowcat15 years ago

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. I know cause I have a T-shirt that says so.