Here's the downside

16 comments

• lexus300

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  19 years ago

  To FONDL--Jersey
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Lexus, my ATF usually never even bothered to make excuses, she just pretended it never happened. And if I asked her what happened, she'd look at me like I had 3 heads and change the subject. It's good to keep reminding yourself how young some of these girls are because what they are doing is fairly normal behavior for their age. What part of the country are you from?
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Dain, you are exactly right. My ATF used to make plans with me all the time and then not call or show up because something else came along (often it was smoking pot.) At first I took it personally but soon discovered that she treated everyone that way and her friends all did too, it's just the way they were and they thought nothing of it. Once I realized what was going on I actually considered it a little flattering because what it really meant was that she was treating me as one of her friends, if she had been treating me as a customer she would never have acted that way. Now my new fav is doing somewhat the same thing. It's just the way a lot of young and inexperienced girls are. If you want to play with them you have to put up with it. Don't take it personally because that's not how it's meant. And don't get angry, it will accomplish nothing other than to raise your blood pressure, she won't even understand why you're angry, and if you try to explain it she will just think you're being weird. If you want to play with a young girl, you have to be willing to accept who they are, the whole package, good and bad. If you aren't willing to do that, don't get angry, just move on. BTW, my ATF eventually grew out of that type of behavior and is now a very considerate person, but it took awhile. Hopefully my current fav will eventually figure it out too.
• Dain

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  19 years ago

  The fact that she didn't call means that something else was more important to her, e.g. vegging out in front of the TV. Not calling when she says she would is typical of an immature person.
• lexus300

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  19 years ago

  To FONDL--we have got to meet for lunch sometime ! I have read a lot of your posts over the last few months and I feel like I am reading my life story when it comes to this hobby. My ATF called me Easter night and (the usual) said she missed me -loved me--wanted to see me etc. She BTW has stopped dancing. Anyhow asked for my schedule the upcoming week and wanted to get together. Like an asshole I called several times with no call back--this has happened numeruos times over the last few months. I have lost patience and got some balls to tell her to f*** off but I am sooo weak when it comes to her that when she calls again I will probably accept any lame excuse.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Yoda, I've also had the opposite experience. I've had 2 other regulars who didn't meet the characteristics of my others, and both ended rather badly. One was an older and very experienced dancer, who was my first regular ever. I found out later that everything she told me was untrue and that she wasn't a very nice girl. Maybe that's why I avoid older experienced dancers. The other one was a single mother who turned out not to have much intelligence or ambition. She's been dancing at the same little club for more than 5 years. She's a very nice kid and at one point I thought we were really going to click, but she was too into herself and into the whole dancing thing, and she wasn't willing to treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I don't consciously seek out the type who I seem to end up with, in fact it seems the opposite, that they seek me out. So I agree with you that I probably fall into their "safe" image. I've had many dancers tell me that they feel like they can trust me, and many of them tell me all kinds of personal stuff without my ever asking. And I'm usually amazed at how much of it turns out to be true.
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  It is kinda wierd. Strangely, I have found similar qualities and backgrounds with my ATF and many favs as well. Obviously every life experience effects a persons outlook and personality. I think it also effects the way they react to people. Young women, and dancers in particular, need to classify a guy as "safe" in order to trust him. I have a feeling we both fall into that category with dancers. At the same time, maybe subconciously, men are attracted to a certain type of woman-a personality trait, a look, many different things come into play but nontheless, it all adds up to a certain type.
• RomanticLover

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  19 years ago

  Strippers have been known to LIE about how long they have been stripping. "White knights" who try to "rescue" strippers from the stripping lifestyle may get told this LIE more often. Some "white knights" may be JUDGMENTAL of strippers in the sense that the "white knight" may THINK that it is SOMEWHAT ACCEPTABLE for a girl who comes from a bad background and/or is going to school but UNACCEPTABLE for a girl to be a stripper because she ENJOYS SEXUAL ACTIVITY. These "white knights" sometimes get PLAYED by strippers who may see them as SUCKERS and some strippers may actually DISLIKE "white knights" because the stripper may think the "white knight" THINKS that he is MORALLY SUPERIOR to the stripper
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Yoda, I agree. And I also agree with your earlier post that my current fav and my ATF have a lot in common, in fact they have so much in common that it's almost frightening. They both have had very serious drug problems, they both were molested as children, they both are very intelligent and very motivated to succeed, they both come from totally disfunctional families. But what's interesting is that I didn't know any of that about either of them until I was already hooked, I just liked them because they were very personable, intelligent and attractive, and they both treated my like a friend almost immediately, and neither one acted like your typical dancer, probably because they were both new at it. In fact they both had been dancing less than a week when I met them. Incidently, I also had a third favorite many years ago who fit this same description almost exactly.
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  FONDL: All that matters is if you are enjoying yourself. It's your time and your money. Most people on the "outside" would think we where both nuts if they listened to us talk about these girls for a few hours. But we know better...
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  FONDL: The similarity I see with your new friend and your ATF is youth and, as a byproduct, a touch of irresponsibility. We all have our preferences but, if your's is younger ladies, you will be dealling with this sort of thing everytime you get involved OTC.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Yoda, I totally agree. That's the downside of the younger ladies, their immaturity. For me that's also a big part of the attraction. I like the fact that at times they're women but at other times they're still young girls. So I put up with stuff that I otherwise wouldn't tolerate. And it doesn't really bother me very much anymore, it's all part of the game. I try not to take it seriously and never take it personally.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  If I had to guess, I'd say that she probably mentioned it to her BF (she has a new BF and he doesn't like the fact that she's a dancer) and he vetoed the idea. The other likely contributing factors are that she's very busy (she's a full time college student and has a lot of other stuff going on too), she's pretty shy, very young and is uncomfortable talking on the phone. This definately has nothing to do with money, there's no way that this could add to her income but it might cost her money - the whole idea of getting together otc was her idea, I never asked to do that and in fact I've made it very clear that I planned to be her customer regardless of whether we ever saw each other otc or not. What I find interesting is that my ATF used to do the exact same thing when we first started getting together otc. I have no plans to give up on this girl, she's too much fun, but I wish I didn't have to go through this crap again.
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  FONDL: Why? Because they want your money. It's up to you if you want to give her a second chance or not but, I'm sure you've already asked yourself if the whole idea of an OTC encounter was just a scam to keep you interested.
• Kyle1111

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  19 years ago

  Non-dancers and even guys can pull the same crap. Sometimes the answer is easy: ego. They need to feel important or pursued or valued or etc. Sometimes it is fear. You know perhaps a date outside the club ain't such a great idea. Sometimes it is technology. A buddy was very angry with me for not returning his phone call. Well, I'm not like that at all. I return phone calls from everyone that I know. I just never received his calls. I think he dialed the wrong number. In another case the phone had started to malfunction and I didn't realize it until a lot of people started complaining. Anyway, I wouldn't be too quick to rush to judgment. Heck, it could even be a test. My girlfriend loved giving me tests! <sigh> Worse one girl will rate one response a failure and another girl will evaluate the same response a success.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  We could meet at Club Risque in Bristol, they have a pretty decent free lunch buffet. The buffet on stage is generally pretty good too. If you can tolerate pasties.