A Walk on the Quick Sand

"She now has 2 children by 2 different men. But the men are really the same--uneducated drug-abusers without any ambition or prospects.. Men who don't provide any child support. Christie told me that her little girl's baby daddy could not help with the expenses because he spent all his money on heroin."

Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

".....her baby girl has blonde hair and blue eyes. Someday she'll be a heartbreaker. Hopefully she won't be a stripper."

Ummm....yeah....well....

A kid whose father is an uneducated heroin addict without any ambition or prospects, who she'll probably never even meet, and her Mom is a stripper (aka, lying, cheating whore) who fucks strangers to repay debts.....I'm sure she'll be fine.

"I had ended my relationship with Christie over a year ago. Although we sometimes texted, I had promised myself never to see her again. But when she invited me to come see her and her new baby, I went."

"Just when I thought that I was out... they pull me back in!"

Oh, and by the way, I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but...

You know why she loves you, right?

Baby daddy.....heroin addict....won't help with expenses...jackslash, gives her money and all she needs to do is spread her legs....

Now THAT is love !!!

Well Jack, I'd say "don't get emotionally involved" but I think that ship has sailed.

Good luck on this one bro.

"Well Jack, I'd say "don't get emotionally involved" but I think that ship has sailed."

Freakin' hilarious. I laughed out loud at that one...

Gawker can probably give you some good advice on how to handle this situation.

One thing I really haven't figured out yet, because it seems so freaking irrational and insane, is why so many hot strippers are so attracted to unemployed drug addicts/musicians/losers with no ambition and who won't support them or take care of their children.

I kind of understand how women like badboys, but this just seems so ridiculous....especially since women in general are so concerned about finding a man who can support them. It is so beyond my comprehension.

Maybe Lopaw will chime in since she might have the womens' perspective.

I'm not sure 100% if this makes sense and I'll probably sound like Captain Obvious even if it does, but I believe people who spend a lot of time together develop a liking (even if it's only to a small extent) for each other even if it's solely a cash in exchange for time/money (just business)like your relationship with Christie has been.

Recently one of my favorite dancers was telling me the latest episode of the shit her BF did. SO I simply asked her "where do you girls find these loser BFs". She replied "I dunno. I went to school with this one".

"even if it's solely a cash in exchange for time/sex"

That's what it was suppose to say

These gals fall in love with the musician/athlete/bad boy aspect of a man, not the drug addict side. Many times, that part of his personality/life isn't evident until too late.

One of the gals at TL was telling me how her boyfriend went to jail because he wasn't on the up-and-up with his cannabis licensing. I've seen this cat drop her off before. Nice ride, decent looking dude, and plenty of cash can be pretty attractive to women, especially risk taking, impetuous women like strippers.

"I believe people who spend a lot of time together develop a liking (even if it's only to a small extent) for each other"

@GoViking - Yes, studies (I'll get the footnotes later) show the more you interact with someone, the more they'll like you.

This applies across the board right up until the point when you get married.

"These gals fall in love with the musician/athlete/bad boy aspect of a man, not the drug addict side."

"Money for nothing, chicks for free"

steve229...thanks, please do share the notes later.

There's a word for it....when people develop a liking for each other as they spend more and more time together...but I'm not sure of the word.

Hopefully Jack or you will know...y'all seem to have very good vocabularies...better than mine that's for sure

I'd also like to add that since strippers are in sense, outlaws, it makes sense that they'd be attracted to outlaws in their personal life. I won't say always but often.

Your writing appeals to my imagination. Somehow it hits closer to what I'm seeing her as well. Customers who once were blinded by idealism now see the messy aspect and the ugliness of the situation.

Ugh.

But the sex is good because she is awesome to look at.

And you know what?

I think you are going to be just fine because you pushed back and learned your lesson.

Run. Now. Trust me.

Steve - LOL If anyone can sympathize or empathize it's me. Jackslash - how the hell did you make the break a year ago? Why not just see her once in awhile? Too habit forming?

You guys. Addicted to the drama.

Good story jack

Oh yeah the drama is a big part of it. A lot of people deny it but individuals who normally have a sane and well put together life, find some excitement in the drama. On the other hand, if you're involving yourself with a stripper, exchanging money for sex, it's likely you're going to have some drama because that's the only life she knows. that's why she's a stripper and not a secretary at a corporate office somewhere.

It's funny, many of the established members on here are guilty of this... We find a stripper who we really like for one or another reason. The relationship becomes drama filled and we all justify it by saying the sex is too good, or we see some good in the person and want to help in our own weird way, or we see some sort of value from the stripper. Value as in "I get OTC and on average it only costs me $150 each time even though I pay $1000 up front. " lol

Another plus with dealing with a drama filled stripper is most won't come into your personal life too often. you're likely not going to find a jealous husband or boyfriend, if seems most boyfriends of strippers in the relationships we have described see us more as a PL father type figure.

Given the fact that heroin users constitute the largest group of HIV positive ppl in America and that male heroin addict transmission of aids to females is the number one reason hiv/aids remains a problem why on earth would anyone do someone doing a junkie, condom or not?

Providing he is using a condom it's very unlikely for a straight, white male (which I'm assuming jack is) who is not an IV drug user himself to catch HIV. Very likely acceptable risk in his books.

"baby daddy could not help with the expenses because he spent all his money on heroin"

Well, at least he didn't waste it on meth

@Moto-I missed your optimistic outlook on life while you were on vacation. That's what Mr. Brightside would say.

“… One thing I really haven't figured out yet, because it seems so freaking irrational and insane, is why so many hot strippers are so attracted to unemployed drug addicts/musicians/losers with no ambition and who won't support them or take care of their children.…”

I think women in general are much more about relationships than men – as a saying/joke goes – “women look for the ONE man to satisfy ALL their needs – men look for ALL women to satisfy their ONE need”.

Most women do not like to be by themselves and are often craving a relationship/finding/being-with someone (and just that someone) – this to a larger extent than men IMO.

It is probably unlikely the avg uneducated; f’ed up upbringing; stripper; will find a nice; successful; well brought-up; guy; to marry her or be in a long term relationship with – thus they (strippers) may often settle for what they can get – dudes w/ a similar background and similar disfunctionality – kind of a “birds of a feather” thing.

Just my opinion – not that it is a fact.

“… but I believe people who spend a lot of time together develop a liking (even if it's only to a small extent) for each other …”

This would be to a very basic extent IMO – yeah she might like him as a person and think he is a nice guy – but in a romantic sense; no way – along the lines of what sampep posted; they love what the custy does for them – many of these girls are in tough spots often times w/ no one to turn to – so I’m sure they appreciate a decent guy being there for them in their time of need – but if she won the lottery tomorrow; that would be the last Jack would hear of her.

The baby sounds like a Nazi. Didn't know that was anybody's thing

Why are you an idiot for. If you know she is a heartbreaker, and willing my repaid what she owed in sex and you knew that's the best your gonna get, where's the idiotcy here?

Jerikson, I think it's due to relatability followed by "good" linguistic skills. Both the bf and the stripper are essentially losers looking for romance and probably honestly do want to move up in the world. But the bf and the stripper are stuck in their ways the bf worse off of course but she can't simply feel comfortable around rich "studs" like you all because your linguistic skills "suck" and they feel inferior to your social status compared to their own. Look at it this way, your a business man hanging around a bunch of low brow but talented artists... I'll one up you. Your hanging around a rapper. You both have money but your social stature makes it hard to fit yourself in with the rapper crowd wanting you to remove yourself am I right?

"It is probably unlikely the avg uneducated; f’ed up upbringing; stripper; will find a nice; successful; well brought-up; guy; to marry her or be in a long term relationship with – thus they (strippers) may often settle for what they can get – dudes w/ a similar background and similar disfunctionality – kind of a “birds of a feather” thing."

+1 - Most emotionally mature dudes with structure in their life will not stick around after the initial erotic infatuation wears off and the drama sets in. I believe the problem isn't that the Dancers don't want a good BF but they can't find one that sticks.

“… One thing I really haven't figured out yet, because it seems so freaking irrational and insane, is why so many hot strippers are so attracted to unemployed drug addicts/musicians/losers with no ambition and who won't support them or take care of their children.…”

Two other ‘theories’ from psychotherapy that are not limited to ‘strippers’ but apply to many young women who establish relationships with ‘bad boys’.

One theory applies to women who grew up in dysfunctional homes [abusive parent[s], emotional/physical abandonment, alcoholic/drug using parent[s]]. As children they ‘failed’ to fix the parent[s] and get the stability and emotional consistency they needed. They grow up without a decent model of healthy relationships. As young women they seek dysfunctional BFs because they ‘know’ how to relate to them based on experiences with parent[s]. They gain both the excitement, unpredictability, and undependability they were used to as children. They again fail to ‘fix’ another dysfunctional person, this time the BF. Yet they have little skill in building healthy relationships with non-dysfunctional men.

The motto here: ‘Better the known devil than the unknown devil’ I know how to deal with this chaos but I don't know how to handle a healthier relationship.

Second theory is that growing up in a dysfunctional home leads to profound issues of trust and fear of emotional intimacy. So they establish relationships with ‘bad boys’ who, themselves, are unable to relate on a deeper emotional level and help foster a trusting relationship. She gets a relationship but one which doesn’t threaten her fear of greater emotional intimacy.

In both cases the young women ends up being a ‘parent’ to an acting out child, not an equal partner in a healthier relationship. Her fears, trust issues, and lack of experience with healthy relationships as a child prevent her from sustaining a relationship with a ‘good’ guy.

*dysfunctional has entered ‘pop’ psych culture and become the grist for stand-up comics. It’s been mocked by describing all sorts of relatively benign childhood experiences as dysfunctional. But the dysfunctional situations I mentioned above do exist, are serious, and do have an impact on individuals growing up in such families.

^^^^

Or maybe he just has a big dick

Whether I’m w/ a dancer or a civvie; I try to treat them well; fairly; and try not to bring any drama into their lives.

So I expect the same in return – if not the case – I almost always bail and don’t get involved – not worth it for me – plenty of dancers in the sea.

Wow, joker !!! You're the man !!! Insightful, rational....

Even if you copied it I'm impressed !!!

Thanks.

Motor Sweet and simple = Big dick trumps emotional intimacy, lol.

It's Friday and I broke a cardinal rule, posting facts on TUSCL, Duh!

'Everything written on this site should be considered a work of fiction.

I can relate to you in a way Jack. I tell myself to stop dating strippers, it never turns out good. However I keep falling in the trap and dating strippers.

@joker44 : Sorry my man, what you said doesn't resonate with me.

But I do like the narrative.

@shailynn:

Who wants drama? No one wants drama, including me.

The tension comes from me poking her to go the bed.

The tension also comes from her trying to squeeze more bucks from me.

But no one wants to give-in, so there ya go.

To break the tie, we just compromise. That works for me.

"Sorry my man, what you said doesn't resonate with me. But I do like the narrative."

I just love this forum. Most people can't even form an intelligent thought to respond to a well presented argument, but they feel free to dismiss stuff they don't even understand.

It's like some guy writing a 800 page physics textbook, and some moron reads it and when he's done he says "Nah..."

I once promised myself never to go out with another stripper. Another dancer made me forget why.

+1 Moto

Here's a bit of advice from Outcast that might keep you from getting trampled on by these ladies.

"And then, I learned the difference between a bitch and a lady Hell, I treat 'em all like hoes..."

alabegonz, just read your comment “@joker44 : Sorry my man, what you said doesn't resonate with me.

But I do like the narrative.”

Having read some of your discussion posts and comments I can well understand how it might not ‘resonate’ with you. We all have strengths and weaknesses imparted by our differing temperament, among other factors. These differences fundamentally affect the way we take in information, make judgements, and interact with others.

It is far from ‘[my] narrative’. I was trained and licensed as a psychotherapist. I have over 30 years experience in many treatment venues: outpatient psych and chemical dependency; inpatient psych and chemical dependency; employee assistance programs; and a maximum security prison, to name a few.

Outside of the TUSCL universe it has proven to be a useful clinical formulation from which to view certain clients’ presenting issues. And for receptive clients discussing this perspective openly helps them transition to a more productive focus on issues underlying their presenting issues and greater progress in reaching their therapy goals.

Like sailmd or surgin’s medical knowledge it stems from a specialized area of knowledge, training and, most importantly, clinical experience.

BTW, this perspective may explain some of those instances when a TUSCLer says he and CF/ATF are or were getting closer only to have her ‘sabotage’ the growing relationship and maintain her current relationship with a ‘loser’ BF incapable of greater emotional closeness and trust. Her fear of greater emotional intimacy ignites latent trust issues. Healthier relationships scare her. The current BF relationship helps her maintain a lower level of anxiety despite the chaos BF may create.

Better the ‘known devil...’

tuscl.net

@joker44 “'Everything written on this site should be considered a work of fiction.”