Letting go of the ATF

My xATF and I text each other occasionally. We did not communicate at all for about 6 months, and then she texted me to ask how I was doing. I told her some of the things going on in my life. She told me she was pregnant. The guy, of course, had run out on her.

She has had her baby. Sometimes she will text me but then not respond to my replies. I really don't know what she wants from me. Maybe she wants to resume our relationship, but I'm not walking out onto that quicksand again.

I would think your ATF of three years would deserve some type of explanation for your disappearance even if it is a BS made up story.

I've disengaged from many favorites. Communications cease very quickly once the money stream ends. I always respond to their texts and just tell them I'll be in as soon as possible and that I miss them.

My first ATF experience turned bad. (Don't they all?). I changed my number.

“… Sometimes she will text me but then not respond to my replies. I really don't know what she wants from me …”


More often than not; a dancer’s motivation for contacting a PL is just about $$$ - even if they make it sound like it’s something else – e.g. “I just wanted to see how you were doing” – but after a few pleasantries or a few texts; the subject at some point sooner than later will turn to $$$.

Sometimes they will try do the cold call/text in hopes it will come from the PL the idea of hooking up again; they are kind of feeling one out.

It has been 2 years since my ATF ended our 8 year relationship. She stood me up and wouldn't return my phone calls or emails. I gave up after two weeks and I have never heard anything from her since.

“… I would think your ATF of three years would deserve some type of explanation for your disappearance …”


SC world is bizarro world;; e.g. not the real world – so often times the same rules don’t apply.

More often than not when dancers disappear they don’t bother to tell their custies – IME dancers will keep in contact as long as they need/want something from you – once they decide to go on to something else; they prefer to cut all contact and just disappear.

My ATF quit dancing but we continued to communicate and even hooked up a couple times afterwards. She then got pregnant and the communication became more scarce. We had a lunch date about 3 years ago which she called to cancel and we haven't talked since. She was a lot of fun, but time goes on. There is a new stripper coming to work every single day you know.

My past ATF's disappeared from sight when they stopped being my ATF. My current one is about 3 years now and we're much closer than I was with the past ones, so if/when she stops dancing (or I dump her) it will be interesting to see if she texts or emails me. I tend to think she won't, but I hope I'm wrong.

Well, my ATF is the one who ended it, not me, but we still keep in contact. Texting a few times a week, one or the other of us calling maybe once or twice a month.

I sent her and her kids some little Christmas and birthday presents this past year. Apparently her husband was somewhat less than overjoyed at that. :)

@Lone_Wolf- I don't feel too bad about not giving an explanation. She has ignored my texts plenty of times, plus it's not like we're boyfriend girlfriend.

when I finally ended my ATF setup...
there was no contact for maybe a month or two.
Then she pester for me to get over it and come back for a few months.
I ignored the offers, she eventually got the message.

"@Lone_Wolf- I don't feel too bad about not giving an explanation. She has ignored my texts plenty of times, plus it's not like we're boyfriend girlfriend."

Ranukam, here's my thoughts on the matter. If I had an ATF I'd been doing business with for 3 years, I would tell her I wasn't coming back.

I imagine that inherent stripper flakiness aside, she probably treated you alright. And I ascribe to the golden rule of treating others the way you'd want to be treated.

It's really easy to dehumanize strippers but at the end of the day they're people too. Weird, fucked up, broken people at times ... but people. Your disappearing will bug her on some level. Easily on a professional level - why is he gone? What about my product is no longer desirable? Shit, my cash flow is going to suffer. It might even affect her on a personal level - yes, the PL's wet dream: the stripper really cares! It doesn't take much effort on your behalf to give her some clarity on why you're not coming back. Why not rack up the positive karma points?

Finally, I don't think you'll be hassled more to return if you make the effort to tell her. Heck, if she's cool, and I'm guessing she didn't get to 3 yr fave status by being insane, she might accept it and bug you less.

Was she the one you asked me about to chec out?

I dunno bro. There's a saying don't mess with it if it is not broken. If you're bailing because you don't have the mone try chilling for a few weeks.

My ATF was the one who ended it. I was kinda busy and missed her call, even forgot to text back. Then all of a sudden it was total blackout.

Anyway I'm moving on because she cut the ties that bind us. I will probably visit her dad one more time, surprise him with a Jim Beam bourbon.

ran,

I posted my story before. She moved from close by to 60+ miles away. I couldn't by often to see her. My last trip to the club, I told her I could deal with the distance and I likely wouldn't see her again. A day later, I was sorry I said that as I thought I had really hurt her. She wouldn't return calls. I've seen a few times since in the civilian world and she has been somewhat cordial, but not anything like before. i wouldn't expect that as anyone around then knew nothing of our past. Still the few moments we were alone, I got the cold shoulder. I regret my actions to this day.

@readypayerone and Papi_Chulo- good points

@alabegonz- yep that's the one lol

Thanks for all the great stories everyone

@Ran: I saw her one night about 2 days after you PM'd me. She didn't even notice me. No intel I guess. My suggestion: It's a No-Go. Just keep a distance, texting distance and I think you will be OK.

Anyway, about texting back. There's one chick I used to see about once a week. I stopped seeing her after meeting my ex-CF, this dancer/waitress just kept texting, maybe she has this robot text senders that go out and spam custies, but some of her texts are specific that I would call that not sent by a robot. I only answered about 4 out 10 messages she sent and she is still texting me.

She is more of a waitress than a dancer. She only dances when the waitressing can't pay the rent. And I hang out at her pub where she waits. She would sit beside me and entertain me and she would go around again. Then she would come back and give me a tight hug. I also hang out at the place where she dances. She even sent me three pics of her.

What-a-beauty.

Anyway, once I get over my ex-CF I'll definitely hang out with this waitress again.

I'm currently ATF-less, my last one didn't end well.