I just read a review of a club (Kenny Mays in Hammond, IN) by our own bestoftmz. It told me all that I needed to know in just two lines:
"If you are out walking your dog, you may want to stop by here. They just might offer your dog a job. It's that bad. Management is rude, girls don't seem to care whether they make a buck or not. Forget it."
I've been there and couldn't agree more. Can anybody top that?
I beg to differ. Often location of the stage is very important because it determines how things work in a particular club. For example, in clubs where the stage is behind the bar, there is likely to be a tip walk and some of us like that format and some don't. Similarly if the stage is out in the open the tipping is done by walking up to the stage and tipping, again some will like that format and some won't. Or maybe there are seats directly in front of the stage and maybe there aren't, again to some of us that's important and others could care less. I think describing the club layout is very important - some readers don't care but some do.
Details are good if they are about things that matter. Location of the stage in the room doesn't matter unless there is a specific seat that offers better views. I know the trend is toward less detail about specific dancers, but we need to communicate about who gives the best dances. That way we reward quality, and help each other save money.
Every club has (or should have if they have any brains) a specific type of customer that they're trying to attract. If I'm not that type of custer, chances are I'm not going to like the place. But they may be doing a really good job of providing exactly what their target customer is looking for. I try to write a review that let's that customer know that it's his kind of place, even though I don't care for it.
Case in point is my current club, Gentlemen's God Club in Baltimore. They keep moving upscale and are chasing people like me out the door with their outrageous prices. That might make some sense except that they're located in an area where there aren't enough upscale customers around to make it work. I think it's a really dumb strategy for them. But if you're a high roller from out of town looking to blow some big bucks on a really attractive dancer, you'll love this place because it's as fancy, classy and plush as any club in the country. But if you're an average Joe looking to have a couple beers and enjoy some friendly laps without having to take out a second mortgage, you'll think this place sucks. I've tried to reflect both sides of that coin in my reviews of GGC.
I try to keep in mind that everyone has different tastes, and that a place that totally turns me off might be exactly what someone else is looking for. But if I don't describe the place fully they'll never know that. I've been to lots of places that were very popular but that I didn't care for at all. Show-n-Tell Showbar is a good example of that. For me to write a review that just says it's crappy and leave it at that does both the club and the reader a disservice.
I agree with FONDL: the longer, the better. I write very long reviews detailing pretty much every minutiae that happened on my trip because I'd rather provide more information than necessary than not enough. (I hope people find my reviews useful and not burdensome.) Unless I hated a strip club so much I think it should be condemned, I don't think there's anything stopping me from explaining how and why a club is so shitty.
But most importantly, a review should be informative and easy to read. "I thought this place sucked, so my buds and I split after a half hour" doesn't help me at all. (And neither do reviews that are just a bunch of lines filled with spelling errors that have no punctuation or paragraphs. I just skip over those.) That two-line review doesn't explain enough, but I still like it because that bit about them giving your dog a job is funny.
Denny, I don't know who owns them either and I probably don't want to know. What I find interesting about it (although not interesting enough to go there) is that it doesn't appear that it has changed in 40 years, and I don't know of anywhere else like that. There are literally about 30 strip clubs in one block and they all have barkers outside the door trying to pull you inside. They are all generally high hustle similar to what you described, very dark, very seedy, very high contact, and can get very expensive in a hurry. The bad part about it is that the Block sets the price level for many of the other clubs in the state and that leads to higher prices than would otherwise be the case. LD clubs in Maryland tend to be much more expensive than the in surrounding states, which is very annoying, especially since it's a blue-collar town. Much better deals are readily available in PA, NJ or WV.
FONDL and Casual Guy
I don't know who owns the Baltimore Block. In Chicago, during the rolling 80's, the Mafia interests controlled the clubs near the O'hare airport, Rush Street area and the outlying suburbs. It was customaery for a waitress or bartender to ask if "you wanna buy the lady a drink?" In 1980 $$, these could range from $12 to $20 for a little lap sitting, leg rubbin' and upgrade-selling to a "back room or private quarters." Therein you would be ambushed by a waitress to buy a bottle of Champagne, while the "dancer" began a light caress of the trouser snake. Then they would try to get you to include her girlfriend and do a double. Of course, they wanted to put all of these charges on your credit card, since you were obviously drunk to say yes to any of these shenanigans. Any opposition stopped the entire charade and you still owed some exorbitant $$ and would have found no relief.
If any of this sounds familiar to you guys in other areas of the country, you now know why Chicago became a Wasteland for Adult Entertainment until a few years ago.
Casualguy, Baltimore is unlike any other place that I have ever been. I don't know of anywere else that has a similar format, does anyone else? In most Baltimore clubs, especially those on the Block, if a girl sits with you the bartender will immediately ask if you'd like to buy the girl a drink. If you say no, she'll leave. And as I said in my review, the drinks are special and cost at least $20. And buying a drink includes some contact. In most other places in the Northeast, there isn't quite as much pressure to buy the girl a drink and if you do they cost the same as yours. If I ask a girl to join me, I always offer to buy her a drink. I think that's just common courtesy, I'd do that anywhere. And in a lot of clubs the girls have to sell a certain number of drinks or they have to pay for them themselves at the end of their shift. So buying her a drink is like tipping her.
I read your review FONDL. Is this normal in the northeast that if a dancer sits with you, you are expected to pay her something? I'll have to remember to just say no if I ever travel to the northeast and someone I'm not that interested in asks to sit with me. Here where I live, a dancer occasionally asks to sit with me and I don't usually pay her anything unless I get a dance.
Shadowcat, you're right, I always go alone. But I write in the plural to preserve the illusion that I'm acting as a representative of my organization, Friends Of Naked Dancing Ladies (FONDL.) It all started out as a joke many years ago and I've just sorta continued. It all began when I wrote a lengthy "how to" guide for new strippers at a club I went to regularly, and I needed a heading for the document. My ATF once told me that she gave a copy to all the dancers who worked there and it helped them increase their incomes, which was my intent. Anyway I find it amusing even if no one else does.
BTW, I actually left out a few pertinent facts in my review of Sherries to keep it from getting too long. For example, the bartender was sort of a jerk and not very friendly. He obviously thought that when I paid him for the $70 private "dance" he was entitled to a tip on top of that. I didn't agree since he was acting in his capacity as the manager and I don't tip managers. But as a result he cut our time a little short, which didn't bother me at all because I was more than ready to leave by that point. But have you ever noticed that places that are run by annoying and unfriendly bartenders seem to also have a lot of unattractive dancers? I wonder which comes first? And yet the attractive young girl I was with said that she really liked the club and did well there. Go figure.
In case anyone is interested, I just wrote a lengthy review of a club that I didn't like. It's the kind of review I like to read because it gives the reader a feel for what the place is like. That way if his tastes differ radically from mine he can still determine whether he might like the place. Obviously some people like this place because it had several obvious regulars in attendance while I was there. Let me know what you think.
I always try to add detail, becuase clubs can vary greatly depending on circumstances like when you go.
For example, I have been to Olympic Gardens in Vegas when the talent was extremely thin on a weekday afternoon. But in a few hours there were numerous dancers that could have emptied my wallet.
CasualGuy, that's not usually possible. I may only be in a town for one night and there are 25 clubs. That's what I use the reviews for, to decide which one to visit. My tastes may be very different from the reviewer. So if all he says is that he had a terrible time that doesn't really help me.
Shadowcat, haven't you ever had a great time in a shithole? I have. One example - I once checked out a place in the middle of nowere that had only one review and it was bad, but it was the only place around so off I went. The place was as bad as advertised. There were only 2 dancers and I was the only customer. One of the dancers was really fat. But the other one was absolutely gorgeous and turned out to be really friendly too. Plus she gave really hot LD's. I had a great time and was glad I went. I've also been to some highly rated clubs that I thought really sucked, including the one that's currently rated #1 in the US. That place has a ton of reviews (mostly phoney in my opinion) but they're all short and don't tell you anything about the place other than that it has high contact.
Gentlemen (and the occasional lady):
A short review to a local club ( when their are dozens of options) helps to narrow your choices when you're in the mood to explore. Of course, you should read the other reviews from those who may be more expansive in their prose; however, a bad club with bad management and an awful selection of dancers may not justify the additional descriptions.
I agree with the majority of you, that a good description of a club's decor, talent, drink options and quality of service is quite helpful when you are travelling to an unfamiliar area. When the club is minutes or moments away, you sense that the reviewer has helped you when he nips your curiousity in the bud.
I think too many reviews are too short on this site, but I do agree that very negative reviews can be quite concise.
no, I prefer as much detail as possible---I try to include as much information as possible in my reviews
FONDL, feel free to go check out the clubs consistently rated 1 or 2 on this site and please tell us how much of a good time you had. I doubt it's going to be very much. I try to avoid clubs rated that bad unless it's just one disgruntled reviewer.
The problem I have with short reviews is that I've had some really great times in total dumps that really sucked, and I've had some terrible times in places that seemed pretty decent. Part of it is the luck of the draw. I'd rather be in a crappy club where only one girl was decent but she's spending her time with me, than be in a really nice place where all the good looking girls happen to be tied up with their regulars. How do you reflect those kinds of experiences without providing some explanation?
Short reviews for really bad clubs, more details though for better clubs. I want to know details if I ever do visit.
If I read a review that states the guy couldn't wait to get the hell out of the club and that the dancers looked like they were competing with the hog farm to be the biggest hog, I think that says enough. I don't need to know more.
I'd prefer a lot more detail than that. It doesn't really tell you anything about the place at all - whether it's big and fancy or a small neighborhood type place, how cheap or expensive, what type of private dances if any, amount of privacy, what time of day or night it was, how things generally work there, type of neighborhood it's in, etc. All it tells me is the guy didn't like any of the girls who were working that particular shift. My tastes might differ from his a great deal. My experience might differ from his.
Shadowcat, I agree. I almost never mention a dancer by name, especially if she's doing things that violate club rules. I don't want to get her in trouble. Plus it really doesn't mean anything to someone else becuase she may not do for you what she does for me. The only time I mention a dncer by name is if she has been exceptionally nice to me and is exceptionally attractive and good at her job. I frequently comment on my overall impression of the dancers (eg. mostly younger or older, a lot of heavies, a lot of fake boobs etc.) but almost never on specific girls. We all have different tastes and YMMV so what's the point.