For the Tusclers who have reasons to dispose of evidence from the SC: what items do you purge from your wallet/clothes/phone/body after a trip? Here's my typical checklist-
Excess Singles ATM Receipts Hair Strands Perfume Last GPS Destination
What's yours?
Febreeze. And unscented baby wipes
No need to deceive anyone or cover up a trip to a club.
Never forget the condom. That is very difficult to explain.
Don't forget:
Glitter Napkins with the club name on them (or a phone number) Wrist tag /cover stamp on hand
and don't get your regular and burner phones mixed up ala Walter White
Good list from Draper (and others), including the GPS clearing suggestion. If I let me SO try to program a destination into my GPS, I make sure that my recent visits have been cleared.
I haven't found a perfect solution to the perfume and smoke challenge other than to bring an extra shirt but this doesn't solve the lingering odor in hair (for those of us who still have some follicular insulation on our craniums). The other alternative is to stop by the gym/health club for a quick shower. Why the concern? My SO has the olfactory sensitivity of a bloodhound (fortunately, she is much more attractive!).
Although a bit of a stretch, this thread also presents and argument for private browsing on your computer or smart phone-- to erase your browsing history.
Just get some of these.
Whenever I miss lipstick or stink too much of perfume wife makes me shower before coming to bed.
Free entry passes
Besides the items already mentioned I have a habit of grabbing a bottle of water from a club before I head out. Many clubs have their name and insignia on the bottle. I almost got busted once for that so now I'm careful to toss the empty bottle from the car cupholder before I walk into my house.
lopaw,
You have a major advantage over the guys! SO says, "What's that I smell?" Oh, I was in the store today and tried some different scents. This could be used for any female type evidence.
@shadowcat-those scents look awesome haha.
@electroman- this may not be an ideal solution but when in a pinch a quick stop into a local fast food place can help mask other fragrances.
Surgical gloves Ski mask Duct tape Chloroform Panel van
Oops, wrong checklist
Clubber,
You'd think so, but its not always the case. I typically only use a handful of specific fragrances that I really like and my wife knows them all. If I come home with a noticeably different smell she flags it immediately, especially if its a scent that is out of family with anything that I usually use. But what I especially worry about is coming home smelling like pussy. My wife can smell that a mile away and I'd be dead in the water. Snail trails on my pants are another thing that I have to check for because she'll notice it right away. This hobby of ours is loaded with all kinds of perils for us married folk.
I try to make sure that my fingers and face don't smell like pussy. Other than that, since my wife knows what I'm about, I don't have to cover up too much. Just enough to keep the eyebrows from raising.
I'm surprised no one mentioned clearing their location history on their cell phone. Both iPhone and Android keep history, by default in both cases if I'm not mistaken.
Despite having no SO to hide it from, I generally keep evidence of my SC habbit off my phone and computer. Its not uncommon for nieces/nephews to play on either, so I make an effort to reduce the risk of unintentional exposure. On the computer, I've got a separate Firefox profile setup to use a proxy (ssh into a cheap virtual server) and automatically start in private mode. I use it for a number of other "legitimate" purposes so seeing the link on my desktop doesn't raise suspicion.
Steve. You forgot the shovel.
being single it is never an issue for me, but I used to go clubbing with a buddy and he would always spray himself down with frebreeze afterwards.
I get a few dancers asking where I've been. They always figure it out or ask. Especially if I have glitter on me, perfume smells, lipstick marks, etc. If I spend two dollars bills in the wrong place, everyone knows where I got them.
I have a t-shirt that says "I smell like strippers". Just wear one like that. She would never suspect that you would be telling the truth. :)
sc,
Like the guy out on the town with his girlfriend. He comes home and puts powder on his hands. The wife asks where he's been. He told her he was out with his girlfriend. She sees his hands and says, "You jerk! You were out bowling with your buddies!" Problem solved.
Draper,
A cigar also covers many sins.
FUNNY SHIT
I really don't need to worry out anything-no SO.
I don't use the E-Z pass if I'm traversing a toll bridge or road I;m not normally on ( like the Burlington - Bristol bridge near Playhouse lounge, remove from windshield and lay on floor behind drivers seat.
I work hard to remember to get rid of the one dollar bills. Left those in the pants a couple of times, and I had some splaining to do come laundry day.
Disposing of extra condoms and the wrappers is critical. I don't think there's an explanation for that.
Hand stamps are a particular irritation that reflect badly on management in my opinion. Why would a club want to mark its customers bodies with evidence of their attendance? I have not gotten those completely washed off before, and also had some splaining to do that time as well.
Getting rid of odors and glitter is also critical since my SO is very observant and has a bloodhound's sense of smell. A change of clothes and shower usually takes care of that, although occasionally she can pick up some residual odor even after that. When the shower is not possible, I have recently started applying very small amounts of the body wash that I regularly use. This seems to work really well. It masks the girls odors and makes me smell like I had a shower.
I also regularly delete GPS history, although that might be overkill.
In other words, I do all the usual stuff that the other PLs do that also have a SO.
lopaw posted: "This hobby of ours is loaded with all kinds of perils for us married folk."
Indeed. I am pretty careful in managing things on the run in order to minimize evidence. I own a business, so I have access to electronics and bank accounts that are not reported on the homefront, and I never accept ATM, bar or other receipts for club related activities. When I have excess singles, I use them to pay for my next drink at the bar, where I am virtually always stationed in most clubs. And I am always on the lookout for heavy perfume and glitter and always send girls who are wearing either one away summarily. All of these things are such habits now that I don't even think about them too much.
But nothing is bullet proof. The worst for me is when a girl starts wrapping herself around me before I realize that she is doused in eau du skank. Same with glitter, which I had an incident with not too long ago. I've lost count of the number of Mission Impossible moments I've had hiding shirts and suit jackets until I could get them to the cleaners, nevermind the number of nice dress shirts that I've had to toss because I could not take them home in my suitcase. Try as one might, this in particular is very difficult to manage on the fly.
Oh yeah, and I won't even get into the number of times I've had to have an awkward conversation with a dry cleaner about what the stains are on my suit pants. ;)
@clubber- agreed on the cigar...though the wife can't stand that smell either...def the lesser of two evils in this case though.
@NJpete- great call on the EZ pass.
One way to solve a lot of these "problems", let your SO stay computer/technology ignorant.
I like to keep extra clothes and supplies in my work office. It allows me to change and clean up before I head home.
Funny how our dog always knows and sticks her nose straight in my crotch as soon as I walk in the door. Bitches stay together!
Prim0,
I sort of do the opposite. I keep a spare Harley shirt in my work vehicle to wear into clubs.
Once you become a regular you don't need the GPS as you'll memorize the best route to the strip club.
jack0505 - I have to disagree with you. what if you are not coming from home or some other place?
I travel all over LA to visit new and favorite clubs, so GPS is invaluable to me. However, my GPS is on my phone, which never leaves my side and will have to be pried out of my cold dead hand when they dig up my body from underneath the earthquake rubble.
My checklist ITC:
Avoid dancers with perfume and glitter at all cost!
Avoid dancers with body odor as well (has never been a problem in my favorite club.)
Leave receipts on the counter!
Don't use the club ATM (which would place the city on our bank statement).
Before leaving the club:
Go to the restroom and check for stray lengths of hair, make-up smudges, glitter etc before going to the car.
Change clothes immediately after arriving home and bury the sc wardrobe in the basket full of dirty laundry. Do the laundry if convenient (I often do the laundry, so there are no eyebrow raising clues there).
Never had any 'splaining to do, which is a good thing because I am a terrible liar!
Maybe I took crazy to a whole new level. When I SCed when I was married, I would always keep a gym bag in my car, and underneath my gym clothes was always a clean pair of jeans and a shirt. On the way home from the SC, I would always stop off at the gym, where AT MINIMUM I'd wash my face, neck, and arms down, and change into the clean shirt and jeans. Occasionally, if I was worried about being particularly glittery or perfumey, I'd shower and then change. Perfume sinks too deeply into clothes and from being around it eventually I can't smell it, easy to miss a lipstick mark, glitter, etc. I always felt that anything other than this was really asking to get caught, especially considering how easy it is to just keep a fresh pair of clothes in the car. Crazy to come home smelling like floozy.
If I had to go to the levels of some, the PITA factor would out weigh the benefits of clubbing.
Great feedback by all, thanks!
My gods. I am so glad I don't have to do any of these things....
I'll echo what others have said about clearing GPS history, that is critical! I was dating a girl and I forgot to delete the history one time (at that time my GPS was in my car). She looked at recent destinations and for some reason she googled the address. I was in the doghouse for a long time after that.
If you need to clear your GPS you must live with a very suspicious woman. I usually check to make sure my underwear is not inside out. I once forgot a hotel receipt from a nearby hotel on the front seat of the car. "What's this for honey?". Oh, I met some friends there for a card game. Did you win? Broke even.