ATF Drama With Her GF

avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
Chicago, IL
My CF, or overall 5th ATF, has recently posted on Facebook that she's been having repeated drama with her GF. What should my reaction be? 1) Keep perfectly quiet, 2) Offer support for whenever she needs it, or 3) Offer support and advice if the GF looks a bit like a player to me.

I kinda walked down aisle 3 and got my hand slapped. "I DO NOT want to talk about my love life". Message received. What do you all think? I've been meeting this girl OTC for a few months and have been feeling a little closer to her than when we were totally ITC. I value her friendship, but have to watch for those boundaries.

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avatar for Hard4Dancers
Hard4Dancers
11 years ago
You feel like you might be in love with her?
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
11 years ago
I think that may be too much drama for you to get in the way off.

If I read it correctly; the problem is b/w two female lovers – talk about drama and estrogen overload – no place for you to stick your nose in IMO.

avatar for steve229
steve229
11 years ago
Why pry?
avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
11 years ago
H4D, I have strong feelings for my ATF, but have no illusions of becoming her BF at any time. I just hope she steers away from this drama.
avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe
11 years ago
She is going to do what she is going to anyway. If you get in the middle of it, you lose. Just let it unfold and be there when its all over
avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
11 years ago
Take a walk dude,trust me on this one.I'm back in the civvie world.
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
11 years ago
Hmmmm....mighty precarious territory to get into there, 3LM.
Tread cautiously and I'd suggest be there to listen if she wants to vent, but don't bring it up or question her about it.
avatar for rh48hr
rh48hr
11 years ago
I would take Lopaw's advice. The best thing for you is to listen if she needs you to but don't try to solve anything.
avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
11 years ago
tumblingdice - Did you get kicked out again? If you are back in the civvie world, why are you posting on here?
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
11 years ago
“… I DO NOT want to talk about my love life …”

“… I have strong feelings for my ATF …”


Having “feelings” for a dancer can be hazardous for your wallet and state of mind IMO.

You fave’s statement about not wanting to talk about her love life makes me think you are not part of her “love life” – she probably keeps you, her revenue stream, and her personal life, separate. She probably sees you as her revenue stream; not as someone she wants to get personally involved with – so you may not want to get personally involved with someone whom does not want to get involved with you.

Many of these dancers have issues that most likely you will not be able to resolve – getting involved in her personal life/issues will most likely mean they may become your issues.

At the end of the day; you can likely end up lighter in the wallet and having been taken for an emotional rollercoaster ride – i.e. if you get involved in her biz/personal-life; often times many of a dancer’s personal problems are financial; and guess who she will turn to with her financial issues; yes “Mr. Helper”.

It’s her life and she is going to live it her way.

You have mentioned b4 about a fave whom I think is black and lives in a housing project; and then on top of this she is a lesbian also? – if I got the person correct. I don’t know your bio; but if you are not black; live or have lived in housing projects; and know about lesbian relationships; I don’t think you know what you may be in for.

But this is just my *opinion* - I actually got involved with a dancer about 10 years ago trying to be “Mr. Helper” and it was a fiasco. This was way b4 my TUSCL education and I was younger then.

Also – most of the accounts that have been posted on TUSCL over the years of involvements with dancers seemed to not have ended well in particular those dealing w/ dancers’ issues.
avatar for carolynne
carolynne
11 years ago
leave it alone
avatar for rickdugan
rickdugan
11 years ago
Moments like this are a cold reminder of just what you are to your favorite - a customer who pays her for [inset services here]. Your advice may very well have been good, but she doesn't want to hear it coming from you. She doesn't view you as friend, at least in the classic sense, and as soon as the money is gone then so is she.

I'm stating what many here would consider the obvious, but since you have developed "strong feelings" for her, I suspect that you might be getting a little too caught up in her. As should be clear from her response, she does not reciprocate.

During most of my clubbing years, I have been lucky in a weird sense as I have (1) been something of a club gypsy; and (2) almost never been without a serious SO. These factors have really helped to keep me grounded, but even so I've had periods of time with certain exceptional girls where I felt drawn to their plights. I can only imagine how much more I might have been sucked into their worlds had those factors not been at play.

This may be a wake-up call for you 3legged. Maybe it's time to spread it out a bit? In any event, good luck.
avatar for jackslash
jackslash
11 years ago
You should reconcile your CF and her girlfriend by suggesting a 3-way.
avatar for rockstar666
rockstar666
11 years ago
If you're fucking her OTC and not paying her then you can pry. If it's p4p then you need to respect her boundaries because you are a customer, not a friend/family.

I NEVER post anything on my dancer's FB pages that has anything to do with anything personal. They aren't 'dancer' pages; they are mom, sister, daughter, friends pages if you get my drift. It would be inappropriate for me to get involved in their personal lives beyond a 'casual friend' who swaps jokes or offers compliments.
avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
11 years ago
Well, boys and girls, I've taken your advice and made apologies for my meddling and I'm now stepping far back from anything that concerns the GF. Hoping for all to go well at the next OTC in a few weeks.
avatar for SlickSpic
SlickSpic
11 years ago
Smart move 3 Legged Man.
avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
11 years ago
Gotta say that I'm not completely a RIL, but from a quick look at the GF's FB page, it was obvious to me that 6-7 other lovely young ladies have varying degrees of devotion to her, including one that refers to her as "wifey". My ATF correctly determined this is not my business. She didn't want to hear that there are sharks in the water where she chooses to swim. She'll be learning without any more advice from me.
avatar for sclvr5005
sclvr5005
11 years ago
Some of life's best lessons are taught by making stupid mistakes after not heeding good advice. I suspect that this ATF might learn things the hard way.
avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
11 years ago
Do what I do.When my whatever has hotflashes with her GF I just disappear for a week or two.
avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
11 years ago
Oh wait Shodow,the door bell just rang.
avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
11 years ago
You piss stripper shit.
avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
11 years ago
Fuckin Wombats.
avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
11 years ago
You're no Alucard but my backhand is cocked.
avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
11 years ago
Tonite she posts about a phone call that make her question the value of falling in love. A bunch of friends are taking her out for drinks. I'm thinking the GF has opted for one of her other ladies.
avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
11 years ago
Hey,you pay your admission fee,go for a ride and get off when you see cracks and rust on the rails.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
11 years ago
@3LeggedMan: "I have strong feelings for my ATF"

Run. Trust me on this one.
avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
11 years ago
Looks like the drama is over. ATF is back to going out with her old set of friends and her sisters. For the time being I think life will be a little more stable.
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