How to have fun in a strip club, the new rules.

avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
Maryland
We've been getting a lot of advice and criticism for our unenlightened habbits, so I thought it best to summarize what we've learned.

1) You should go looking to date the stripers, if you don't your deluding yourself about what you want. You should want to date strippers.

2) Don't spend money. Strippers don't respect customers who spend money. If you need to spend money make sure it is only on the dancers you don't find attractive and the waitresses.

3) If a stripper tells you she likes you or enjoys your company immediately stop spending money on her and demand she see you OTC for free, or that she retract those obscene lies about "liking" you.

4) Chat up the attractive strippers you don't spend money on, or ignore them according to "variable reinforcement theory". This will make you popular.

5) Talk to and tip the ugly strippers you don't like. They are useful as "pivots" to make the ones you don't tip or talk to like you.

6) Never spend more than 40 minutes in a club.

7) Make sure to ask the strippers for their real names and phone numbers.

8) Ask the strippers you don't spend money on to date you.

9) If you aren't sure if a stripper likes you (i.e. which partition you are in) because you have randomly chatted with her, or ignored her according to "variable reinforcement theory" try to kiss her on the mouth.

10) Never forget that these women you are trying to date are lying deceiving heartless cold mercenary bitches wholy unworthy of you or even the most minimal human decency.

Sounds like a plan to me! Have fun your next visit!

30 comments

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avatar for chandler
chandler
19 years ago
Yeah, God forbid that anybody would miss the irony of this thread.
avatar for casualguy
casualguy
19 years ago
just for newbies, the above is sarcasm, however it may give ideas to a couple here.
avatar for casualguy
casualguy
19 years ago
22. You're on vacation and a stripper you just met really seems to like you and gives you her phone number. You say you'll call her tommorrow at noon and your memory is so good that you can remember her number. (even though you are drinking) Remember it for a couple of hours so you can repeat it back when she keeps asking. Then don't call and return to the club the next day. When she says she waited by the phone for whatever time it was, just smile and say her incorrect phone number didn't work. Sure way to get a smile on her face.
avatar for casualguy
casualguy
19 years ago
21. (This works in a large club.) If a stripper on stage asks if you're interested in a dance while you are tipping her a dollar and you say yes or maybe and she asks where you are sitting at, go sit there and then move to the other side of the club before she finishes her set. When she finds you an hour or two later and she tells you that she thought you left, tell her you were sitting over here the whole time but you're not interested anymore. A good way to make her feel good.
avatar for RomanticLover
RomanticLover
19 years ago
Who is getting strippers to spend time with him OUTSIDE THE CLUB for FREE?
avatar for OkDude
OkDude
19 years ago
18. With out saying anything try to give the Club the impression that you are a cop walk around looking very suspicious if you spot any contact between a dancer and customer pull out a note book and pen and act as if you are keeping notes.

19. Start a tab then when you go to tip the girls on stage instead of actually giving them a dollar tell them to put it on your tab.

20. Look for the most broke looking customer then convince all of the dancers that he is really a billionaire in disguise.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
Hell, nobody believes it without a link. I knew yours were a joke. I thought it rather obvious mine was too.
avatar for davids
davids
19 years ago
In my case I want to make it clear when I am joking and when I am not. You actually want people to believe your strawmen and lies are true. That's the difference.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
Wow, you are really getting shoddy davids. The date is for Fri, Nov 18, 2006. Even your satire is unconvincing.
avatar for davids
davids
19 years ago
Let's compare with AN's advice:

My Thoughts on Science Fri, Nov 18, 2006 @ 7:25 pm
Posted by: AbbieNormal

Actually, davids, I think science does indeed have its limitations in terms of explanatory powers. At this point other paradigms of knowledge such as astrology, ESP, and palmistry come into play. You should look into these things before you go off spouting your unbounded optimism about science.

Me too, please.
avatar for davids
davids
19 years ago
#2 " If you need to spend money make sure it is only on the dancers you don't find attractive and the waitresses."

What the fuck is this crap? Nice strawmen, AN: you fucking retard.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
A blast from the past, brought back for those of you nostalgic for the old days.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
QED. Thanks davids.
avatar for davids
davids
19 years ago
JC, AN: Yeah like it matters what pathetic loser lap dance buying regulars opinions on things are. In fact, I think just by applying the rule: do the opposite what they say to do you could get pretty far (with some reasonable exceptions of course, if they say don't fire a gun in a strip club I would have to side with them).

All that matters is what works and what doesn't.
avatar for JC2003
JC2003
19 years ago
Absolutely, AbbieNormal.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
I agree, however the next time we discuss anything from our experiences to a past favorite he will chime in that we are all pathetic losers in denial because we want sex, but pay for lapdances. It is very old by now, and one would think that someone as intelligent as davids implies he is would have caught on by now that his opinion is understood and for most of us rejected.
avatar for JC2003
JC2003
19 years ago
If that is how davids wants to spend his money (on strip club cover charges and overpriced drinks) and time (trying to befriend strippers for dating), so be it. I think he gets it by now that we think what he's trying is foolish.
avatar for davids
davids
19 years ago
Nothing new for me to say here beyond what I've already posted.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
We've had a new rules discussion before. Here's the bump of our summary of davids' advice. True, we were annoyed with davids and trying to get him to go away, and he is so much more pleasant now, but I think the point that going to a club should be fun, and davids makes it into a job is a valid one.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
DavidS, I'm still waiting for you to explain that to me. How will I ever learn otherwise?
avatar for chandler
chandler
19 years ago
It's all covered in the new book, "How to Be Interesting"!
avatar for davids
davids
19 years ago
Rule # 18) Applies to AN: When all your attempts at proving your INTELLIGENCE (e.g. Godel's theorem: still laughing my ass off about that one) have FAILED MISERABLY see if you can COMPENSATE with SARCASM and STRAWMEN.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
Yeah, someone doesn't get it. Be interesting... WOW, never thought of that one...
avatar for davids
davids
19 years ago
You guys are close to being right, but some of this stuff is rather mangled: e.g. spending money on unattractive strippers. WTF?

You are also overlooking key points like be interesting to talk to and have a good sense of humor and make fun of the strippers.

I fear you guys just don't get it. Anyway...
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
17) Whatever you do remember this, NOBODY has EVER thought these thoughts before. You are THE FIRST to ever CONCEIVE of these thoughts. The simple fact that most guys would like to score with strippers for free doesn't mean anyone has ever tried to come up with a new way to do it. Also remember that strippers rarely get hit on in the club, so that's the best place to catch them off guard.
avatar for chandler
chandler
19 years ago
16) The best advice on all this stuff doesn't come from anybody with experience. No, it's self-help books like 'You Too Can Score With Beautiful Women'.
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
14) Remember, just because your attitude and approach all scream "I'm special" and you expect the strippers that lie to and string along other customers to be up front and honest with you, that does not mean you are a PL. You're special, and the strippers will notice.
avatar for chandler
chandler
19 years ago
13) Tell them you're asking "for a friend".
avatar for AbbieNormal
AbbieNormal
19 years ago
12) Even though they're lying deceiving bitches talk to the strippers to get their views about customers. The information the lying deceiving bitches tell you is useful for planning your strategy on how to date the lying deceiving lowlife bitches.

Heh.
avatar for chandler
chandler
19 years ago
11) If you're old, then stop being old. Strippers don't like that.
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