What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.
What is the definition of “making love�
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.
What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
What is the difference between “Oooh!†and “Aaah!�
About three inches.
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
Snowballs.
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.
What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.
What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
You can eat your mom’s apple pie.
What is the first sign of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the ass.
What is the lightest thing in the world?
A penis…even a thought can raise it.
What is the noisiest thing in the world?
Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
Strip Poker
What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it.
What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
Nice dick!
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
What’s a diaphragm?
A trampoline for dick heads.
What’s another name for pickled bread?
Dill-dough
What’s better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s First Movement.
What’s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine.
What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit’s Finger
What’s in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captains log.
What’s red and blue with a long string?
A smurfette with her period.
What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
Vomit
What’s the bad news about being a test tube baby?
You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
What’s the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
You can drop her off where ever you want!
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!
What’s the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
She can only give you lip once!
What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud.
What’s the biggest fish in the world?
A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
What’s the definition of “Tender Love?â€
Two gays with hemorrhoids.
What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.
What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a â€quickieâ€, only you do it yourself.
What’s the definition of eternity?
The time between when you cum and she leaves.
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
What’s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cow?
Cows survive the branding.
What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
What’s the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What’s the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
Normal sex will make your day, anal sex will make your hole week!!
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline
What’s the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Porsche in my garage
What’s the difference between a ‘Spice Girls’ video and a porn video?
The porn video has better music!
What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
One goes “ribbit†the other goes “rub itâ€.’
What’s the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian?
A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!
What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
Whore’s fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.
What’s the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out!
What’s the difference between big foot and your mom?
Your mom is better in bed.
What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.
What’s the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
Nothing.
What’s the difference between medium and rare?
6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?
Nobody eats parsley.
What’s the difference between pink and purple?
The grip!
What’s the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
What’s the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
What’s the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
Nothing, they both suck!
What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.
What’s the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
Inserting the anchovies.
What’s the hottest thing in the world?
Two rats fucking in a wool sock.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
Two test tickles
What’s the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A police horse.
What’s the speed limit of sex?
68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
What’s the ultimate rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
What’s the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm…
What’s white, smells, and can be found in panties?
Clitty litter
What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
What’s worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to 10 trees
What’s yellow and green and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea
When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first Brownie
Where do fags park?
In the rear.
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked!
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.
Why are roach clips called roach clips?
Because “pot holder†was already taken.
Why are women are like tires?
There’s always a spare.
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
5 comments
A: Your job still sucks!Â
Q: What did the stripper's fortune cookie say?
A: You will find happiness on a pole.
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and a stripper's ex-husband who pays child support?
A: Some people believe there is a Santa Claus.
Q: Why is a stripper's pussy like the weather?
A: Because if it's wet, it's time to go inside.
A: No one had a yen for her.
Sorry sweetie. You have a headache
What is better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.
What is the definition of “making love�
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.
What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
What is the difference between “Oooh!†and “Aaah!�
About three inches.
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
Snowballs.
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.
What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.
What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
You can eat your mom’s apple pie.
What is the first sign of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the ass.
What is the lightest thing in the world?
A penis…even a thought can raise it.
What is the noisiest thing in the world?
Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
Strip Poker
What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it.
What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
Nice dick!
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
What’s a diaphragm?
A trampoline for dick heads.
What’s another name for pickled bread?
Dill-dough
What’s better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s First Movement.
What’s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine.
What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit’s Finger
What’s in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captains log.
What’s red and blue with a long string?
A smurfette with her period.
What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
Vomit
What’s the bad news about being a test tube baby?
You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
What’s the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
You can drop her off where ever you want!
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!
What’s the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
She can only give you lip once!
What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud.
What’s the biggest fish in the world?
A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
What’s the definition of “Tender Love?â€
Two gays with hemorrhoids.
What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.
What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a â€quickieâ€, only you do it yourself.
What’s the definition of eternity?
The time between when you cum and she leaves.
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
What’s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cow?
Cows survive the branding.
What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
What’s the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What’s the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
Normal sex will make your day, anal sex will make your hole week!!
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline
What’s the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Porsche in my garage
What’s the difference between a ‘Spice Girls’ video and a porn video?
The porn video has better music!
What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
One goes “ribbit†the other goes “rub itâ€.’
What’s the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian?
A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!
What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
Whore’s fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.
What’s the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out!
What’s the difference between big foot and your mom?
Your mom is better in bed.
What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.
What’s the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
Nothing.
What’s the difference between medium and rare?
6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?
Nobody eats parsley.
What’s the difference between pink and purple?
The grip!
What’s the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
What’s the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
What’s the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
Nothing, they both suck!
What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.
What’s the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
Inserting the anchovies.
What’s the hottest thing in the world?
Two rats fucking in a wool sock.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
Two test tickles
What’s the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A police horse.
What’s the speed limit of sex?
68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
What’s the ultimate rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
What’s the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm…
What’s white, smells, and can be found in panties?
Clitty litter
What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
What’s worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to 10 trees
What’s yellow and green and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea
When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first Brownie
Where do fags park?
In the rear.
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked!
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.
Why are roach clips called roach clips?
Because “pot holder†was already taken.
Why are women are like tires?
There’s always a spare.
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.