Frequently Asked Questions

As a public service, I have put together Frequently Asked Questions for TUSCL. It should provide help to new members of this discussion forum. Please add your own questions and answers to this FAQ.

Q What 3 words best describe strippers?

A Lying, thieving whores

Q Do strippers think all customers are pathetic losers?

A No. Some customers are rap stars and drug dealers.

Q What should I wear in a strip club?

A A condom.

Q If I go to a strip club, will I be shot?

A Not if you leave before 2AM.

Q What's the best thing to do with my money to keep it safe in the strip club?

A Roll it into a tight cylinder and stick it up your ass.

Q If my wife or girlfriend finds out I'm going to strip clubs, will she leave me?

A Yes. This is the best reason for going to strip clubs.

Q How do I get better mileage?

A Buy a Chevy Volt.

Q What should I do if I run into someone I know in a strip club?

A Tip her a dollar.

Q When's the best time to go to the strip club?

A When it's open.

Q Should I go to strip clubs or save the money for my kids' college education.

A Go to the clubs. Johnny is too dumb to get into college and little Emily can always become a stripper.

Q I am a young, good-looking guy. Can I date a stripper?

A Yes. But you must also be (1) unemployed or (2) a drug addict or (3) a musician.

Best stripper boyfriend material: an unemployed drug-addicted musician.

Q I am over 40 and out of shape. Can I date a stripper?

A Yes. But you also must (1) have a good-paying job and (2) be pathetic and (3) have shit for brains.

Q Is is okay to eat in a strip club?

A Only the bearded clams.

Q Why do strippers have so many tattoos?

A They don't like to feel naked.

Q Should I loan money to a stripper?

A No. Save time by flushing your money directly down the toilet.

Q Why did the stripper cross the road?

A She couldn't find a worse decision to make

Q How do I get a stripper to have sex with me ITC?

A Give her money.

Q How do I get a stripper to have sex with me OTC?

A Give her money.

Q Do you have a secret technique that will make strippers give you sex for free?

A Yes. But I'm not telling you.

Q How much is HJ/BJ/FS?

A Ham Jerky is $3.95, Beef Jerky is $4.95, and a Fish Sandwich is $5.95.

Q Why do you guys on TUSCL use so many acronyms?

A IDK

Q What is the best stripper name?

A Tiffany.

Q What is the best strip club song?

A The She's Too Fat For Me Polka

Q How many strippers does it take to change a light bulb?

A None. Strippers won't change.

Q I met a stripper who's really cute. We talked and had a lot of

common interests and really connected. Do you think she likes me?

A Does a shark like chum?

Q im 18 n i wanna no if i can b a strpper?

A Do you know how to take your clothes off?

Q What the best thing about about a three way?

A The fantasy beforehand.

Q What is the worst thing about a three way?

A You spend your money twice as fast.

Q Will my friends and family be disgusted if they find I have a strip club addiction?

A Yes. But you will forget all about your friends and family as soon as you go back to the strip club.

Q How can I tell if a stripper is lying to me?

A Her lips move.

Q This blonde dancer told me she's stripping to pay her way thru school. Should I believe her?

A Yes. This is the way most blondes pay their way thru elementary school.

Q Do strippers ever graduate from college?

A Yes. They graduate magna CUM laude.

Q My fav dancer says I'm the only customer she blows or has sex with. Should I believe her?

A It depends. Do you believe in Santa Claus?

Q Should I be proud to be a strip club customer?

A Yes. You are helping single mothers make a decent living.

Q All I can think about is naked strippers writhing lasciviously in front of me. Am I going straight to hell?

A Yes.

Q Can I catch a disease in a strip club?

A No. Strip clubs are sterile environments.

Q I really had great rapport with Fantasia, who used to dance at the Booby Lounge. Does anybody know where she is now?

A Yes. She's on her knees under my desk.

Q How can I tell if a stripper's tits are real?

A If you can feel them, they're real.

Q What is the proper strip club etiquette?

A Be sure to ask permission before you cum in her mouth.

Q Where can I find the cheapest strippers?

A In the paint department of Walmart

Q Where can I find a stripper with a heart of gold?

A In the movies.

Q What's the difference between white strippers and black strippers?

A Whore vs. ho.

Q I want to own a strip club so I can spend all my time with hot babes. What do I have to do?

A Have the heart of a pimp.

Q I'm in love with a stripper. Should I marry her?

A Just shoot yourself.