Gifts

I think the nice thing about the board is that we can get several different angles. FONDL would say spend what you want if that's what makes you happy (within reason of course). Chitown says no gifts, keep it professional. I say do what you want, just don't think the gift buys you anything other than some appropriate thanks, or if you're lucky some inappropriate thanks on your next dance. A lot of us will say don't wory about what she'll think or how she'll take it, but if you are at the gift giving stage you obviously care about her opinion. At that point general rules have to take a backseat to the guy who knows the situation best and you play it as it lies.

lemme say I disagree with your decision ummyeah simply because you originally said you were going to be modest with what you spend on her. The level of dollars spent compred to her possible enjoyment and appreciation of the gift should be taken into account. I am worried that if I spend over $200 on a gift that it would warrant barely more than a thank you when I saw her next time. I am a terrible gift giver so it's either the spa treatrment or nothing.

"are a bad things"

Good lord, drunk at 12:30 PM.

AN: You just hit the nail on the head. Certainly, a PL will, most likely, buy his favorite stripper gifts. However, just giving a gift to a dancer does not make someone a PL.

That having been said, I've thought about it, and decided not to purchase a gift for this dancer. I don't want her to get the wrong idea about what I want, which certainly isn't a relationship. A buddy of mine has purchased a gift for her, and he is a RIL. A gift from me would likely be interpreted as competing with him, I think. Therefore, I don't think it would be a good idea.

My feeling on the whole money, gifts, etc. is this. The line between being a good regular customer and a PL is not crossed because you spent too much money. That's just a symptom. It's crossed when you start to tell yourself you are different than all those other guys, special, and the strippers will see that.

This should not be interpreted to say that having good regulars and favorites are a bad things, just realize they aren't going to run away and be your wife.

There is no possibility of a super serious relationship, and neither of us are married.

I'll just answer your question and pass no judgement. I once gave a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret. Any amount may be spent. It was very warmly received.

Showing appreciation for a customer's gift is part of any good stripper's acting job.

I may be overly cynical here, but I am against the entire concept of giving a stripper any gifts if your only relationship with her is inside the club. I really do see it as inappropriate, because it pretends that a business relationship is a personal one. (Sort of why Miss Manners dislikes office birthday parties, gift exchanges, etc.). I have a very cordial relationship with several dancers at some clubs I go to. I also may stop and chat for five or ten minutes with the clerk at the dry cleaners while I am picking up my laundry. If the lunch crowd isn't too heavy, a waitress at the cafe where I eat about three times a week will stop by and talk to me between waiting on other customers. I see my relationships with all three categories of these people as equivalent. I think that we customers tend to personalize our interactions with dancers because their business involves very intimate emotions, and sometimes access to very intimate parts of our bodies. (Sort of how a lot of people personalize and idealize their relationship with the physician--to whom you are "the gall bladder in Exam Room 3). But about 99% of the time, the dancer's view of the arrangement is strictly commercial. Therefore, the whole idea of gifts is really mixing apples (what you think the relationship is) with oranges (what the relationship really is). I'm not saying that dancers necessarily hate customers, or have disdain for them, but that they don't think much about us outside of the money we give them for dancing.

Perhaps the foregoing opinion is overly cynical, and I apologize if some of you have had experiences contrary to the above opinion. I also congratulate you.

huge: Now you are going to have to explain that one to me. I know JC had the same probably about 13 years age gap between him and the stripper which is why he said he didn't want to date her. But I seriously don't understand what the problem is? Are you looking for a super serious relationship and worried she will change or something?

yeah but the emotional investment that I made def threw me for a loop as I juss didn't expect it to hit me like the wave that it did.

davids to be honest I have zero interest in dating this girl (there is a 13 year age difference 35 v 22) and she knows that and as far as having sex with her I think we're both plainly aware it ain't happenin. Upon sending her flowers for Valentine's Day I was hurt when I had to ask her if she even got them. Not sure I wanna go through that again.

Huge, I disagree with you last comment. You obviously spend money on this girl because it gives you pleasure to do so. There's nothing illogical about that. If you enjoy it, spending money on strippers is no more illogical than spending it on golf or a million other things.

get her a stuffed animal of some kind, make sure it's cute. regarding my situation the spa treatment is somewhat expensive, I have spent alot of $$$ on this girl, nothing will ever come of it yet I still wanna do this. Logic dictates I shouldn't do this........

I read the birthday gift thread. It was a bit specific to his situation and merely asked whether or not it was a good idea. However, for the sake of simplicity, I'll just take this discussion to his thread, instead of continuing this one.
Clif, I agree with you %100. We men are notoriously able to delude ourselves into the most unbelievable fantasies. That's not the case here. Would I be willing to see her outside of the club? Absolutely. Will that happen? I seriously doubt it. Is this an attempt to change her perception of me to the better? If you want to look at it like that, sure, I suppose. To me, it's the same as tipping her. She goes out of her way to give me a great experience when I go to the club, to me that deserves some recognition. I don't tip a whole lot when I'm in the club, generally a dollar per song when they're on stage and I generally get the dollar dance when they come by, but that's it. When I buy a private dance, I don't tip any extra. She never asks me to tip, never asks for a drink, and generally sits with me all night. I have yet to buy more than one private dance with her in a single night, and have never gotten a "VIP" dance from her. With her making maybe $20 from me on nights when guys are buying multiple VIP's from her, and she still chooses to sit with me. I figure that's good enough to deserve a LITTLE something extra, every once in a while.
Sorry, this is a bit wordy, but it's late and I tend to ramble. I'll head over to the other thread now and stop cluttering the forum.

Gentlemen: The general rule is this. Don't buy gifts for women you want to date/have sex with until after you've had sex with them*. (And I'll add "for free" since certain posters here might get confused otherwise.)

* a possible exception might be if they bought you a gift first