Why did she leave me?
Book Guy
I write it like I mean it, but mostly they just want my money.
Sometimes I just wonder, what did I do to cause a dancer to disappear like that? There are three or four really hot friendly girls at my local clubs, with whom I've had several nice conversations at the bar-side. But oddly, they just don't seem to want to stick around when I'm offering to pay money to them for their lap-dancing services. One of them goes to the restroom ("be right back, I promise!") for six hours. Another of them gets up to flirt with a different regular customer and then never comes back. A third one asks passing men whether THEY want to get lappers, but never asks me, and even when I ask her, she seems to always have her dance-card booked, with "Oh, I don't have a chance right now, honey, I've got my regular waiting for me." Then there's the "Just a second, I have to go on stage; I'll come right back after my set" who never reappears; the "Will you buy me a drink? Thanks! Bye!" who swigs it in one gulp and runs off to her pal in the corner; the "You didn't just say that, did you?" who can invent an offense in any little joke or aside that I make so that she can have an excuse to depart; the "I can't hear you" contortionist; the "There are no dances tonight" fakery; the "Can I have a dollar for the cigarette machine?" absconder; the "I only sell shots, I don't do dances"; the ...
Grumphgrumphgrumph ...
Grumphgrumphgrumph ...
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19 comments
Seriously though, for all the talk about "guys who want to turn down a girl" ya hear about, I think there is still a bit of "I can turn him down" mixed in with some "he'll be back for more punishment" that goes on.
If it is one thing attention seekers hate, it's being ignored. Try it.
Seriously though, Book Guy, you must have had some of the other, more pleasant experiences or you wouldn't have been clubbing for so many years. I've had all things you mentioned happen with me, including being ignored. And yet, if I go out of my way sometimes to get girls' attention as they walk by (eg., tapping them on the shoulder), they're often happy to dance for me. They seemed surprised at my interest though, because they'll suggest they didn't think I look interested in them.
Of course, that kind of comment blows me away, but then I realized over time that my "neutral" expression often looks somewhat sad or distant. I don’t intend that, but if I’m lost in thought, my natural facial features can appear to give that signal. And, if I have any conflict whatsoever about having a dancer stop by (like I'm not sure I want to block my lap in case another more desirable dancer arrives, or I'm not that attracted, or I've had mixed quality of dances before from a dancer), then I've noticed I give off some "don't approach me" signals; like not maintaining eye contact (allowing my eyes to briefly avert downward) or after making eye contact, then looking in the other direction like I'm seeking someone else.
In any case, I don't appear very approachable, and I may just be getting what I put out there, - which is to say I'm not getting their attention. Of course, the reverse is true, as when I seem happy and smiley, the girls around me often respond with comments about how much fun I seem and how they enjoy my company.
So, not knowing you, it's hard to say, but it may be worth looking at your own countenance, bearing, and facial expressions to see if you have a welcoming aura, or are perhaps are putting non-welcoming or mixed signals out there.
Okay, the psychology session is officially over. On with the fun...
As far as paying for a dancer's time, I disagree. She can take a hike and not bother me if she has that attitude. Maybe some very upper scale clubs with some rich fat cats are like that somewhere. No offense to those here that like giving money to dancers for time spent talking. You are free to give away your money however you want. I have given money to dancers to leave but I prefer that they leave without acting like a bum asking for a handout. They are no different than a Walmart employee taking my empty cart in the parking lot but then asking if he can have 75 cents. Asking for money like that appears like a desperate bum whether it is a dancer or Walmart employee.
Basically, she is marking her territory, making she sure no other girl approached me. Then is gone for fucking ever. First, she needs a smoke. Then she comes back. She has to go on stage - but she does not appear on stage. After about 20 minutes of this crap, I left. I was tempted to take her crap she left on the table and throw it in the trash. But, unfortunately, I am too nice of a guy for that.
I could have been spending that time with another woman, but instead, she had to "mark" me as hers. bull shit!
No comment regarding the gender. Let's just say you haven't posted here much recently and since most dancers don't stick around here much, the females on here tend to be new and don't know you.
experience will vary depending on size of and location of club, too. there is a big difference between a folksy laid back place in small-town Wisconsin compared to a full-scale production house in, say, LA or Las Vegas. have been to both with my druthers in WI.
if i decide to go to a club, i budget for the rail, bar and private time. often, even in clubs where i am a regular, i will start at the stage and enjoy a full round of all the girls dancing that night, tipping more than a few singles, for sure. this gives me and the girls both a chance to "warm up", so to speak. it also gives me a chance to tip some girls nicely for their dancing effort even when i know i will not be asking most of them for a dance. i call it courtesy and respect and the girls know it. also, especially if there are some new girls that night, it gives us a chance to break the ice, seeing who is really more friendly than formal (and that could be a subject in itself -- the various vibes of tits in the face, or whispers in the ear... LOL).
at some clubs there is a tip walk after the dance where she will get a contribution from those who prefer to hang away from the rail at tables and/or bar. i budget for that and am generous and cordial here, too.
just last week, on Valentines Day, i made sure to bring along lots of roses -- one dozen for my ATF, smaller bouquet for the regular (and dearly wonderful) girl running bar, and a single one for every dancer in the club that night. no one got left out. a few got drinks, all got and gave warm hugs and two (including my ATF) got 30min VIP's.
a little TLC and TLR (...Respect) go a long way.... jj