Sometimes I just wonder, what did I do to cause a dancer to disappear like that? There are three or four really hot friendly girls at my local clubs, with whom I've had several nice conversations at the bar-side. But oddly, they just don't seem to want to stick around when I'm offering to pay money to them for their lap-dancing services. One of them goes to the restroom ("be right back, I promise!") for six hours. Another of them gets up to flirt with a different regular customer and then never comes back. A third one asks passing men whether THEY want to get lappers, but never asks me, and even when I ask her, she seems to always have her dance-card booked, with "Oh, I don't have a chance right now, honey, I've got my regular waiting for me." Then there's the "Just a second, I have to go on stage; I'll come right back after my set" who never reappears; the "Will you buy me a drink? Thanks! Bye!" who swigs it in one gulp and runs off to her pal in the corner; the "You didn't just say that, did you?" who can invent an offense in any little joke or aside that I make so that she can have an excuse to depart; the "I can't hear you" contortionist; the "There are no dances tonight" fakery; the "Can I have a dollar for the cigarette machine?" absconder; the "I only sell shots, I don't do dances"; the ...
Probably nothing. Dancers are there to make money. Who knows why they leave someone who wants dances. Maybe they spot a "whale", maybe they weren't comfortable. It ticks me off, too. There's always someone else to hook up with.
I know! I tell them I love and want to marry them and - whoop! Gone!
Seriously though, for all the talk about "guys who want to turn down a girl" ya hear about, I think there is still a bit of "I can turn him down" mixed in with some "he'll be back for more punishment" that goes on.
If it is one thing attention seekers hate, it's being ignored. Try it.
I read your last post on the Joe'sparty thread. If you talk to dancers, or women in general, at all like you post on this site, that is why, seriously and honestly. If you do not talk as you post, then I have no idea.
If you've been a member for 13 years with 131 reviews and you haven't figured this out, then a neophyte such as myself doesn't stand a chance. I've had nights like you describe, then I come back next week and I can't beat them away with a stick.
as a dancer the reason why girls(we) don't want to stick around is yes we are there to make sure you have a good time but also to make money. Even if you are paying a girl to talk you should pay her for every song as a dance. For example if the songs are 20 each then you give her 20 after each song ends as a lap dance. because lets say you give her 20 for every three songs she could have danced for someone within those three songs and got 60 to maybe buy her kid some extra pampers or go towards school. A reason why a girl might not want to dance with you is (1) you could have bad hygiene and need a shower(not trying to be funny just honest)(2) you might just only want one dance so why waste time with you if i can go over to the next guy and let him get 5 dances with me and get 100 (3)you probably demand to much for only 20 dollars like want to finger the girl and just to to much and not even want to tip so its not worth the time to get a dance from you. The reason why they will get a drink from you and probably want to leave is because they know you will only buy a drink and not spend to much money because you could be cheap so why not get what they can get.So that should answer your question take note a strip club is suppose to be fun but the girls working have to eat ,have kids,have bills ,or have school that needs to be paid. NOBODY WANTS TO TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES FOR FREE!!!!
as a dancer the reason why girls(we) don't want to stick around is yes we are there to make sure you have a good time but also to make money. Even if you are paying a girl to talk you should pay her for every song as a dance. For example if the songs are 20 each then you give her 20 after each song ends as a lap dance. because lets say you give her 20 for every three songs she could have danced for someone within those three songs and got 60 to maybe buy her kid some extra pampers or go towards school. A reason why a girl might not want to dance with you is (1) you could have bad hygiene and need a shower(not trying to be funny just honest)(2) you might just only want one dance so why waste time with you if i can go over to the next guy and let him get 5 dances with me and get 100 (3)you probably demand to much for only 20 dollars like want to finger the girl and just to to much and not even want to tip so its not worth the time to get a dance from you. The reason why they will get a drink from you and probably want to leave is because they know you will only buy a drink and not spend to much money because you could be cheap so why not get what they can get.So that should answer your question take note a strip club is suppose to be fun but the girls working have to eat ,have kids,have bills ,or have school that needs to be paid. NOBODY WANTS TO TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES FOR FREE!!!!
Seriously though, Book Guy, you must have had some of the other, more pleasant experiences or you wouldn't have been clubbing for so many years. I've had all things you mentioned happen with me, including being ignored. And yet, if I go out of my way sometimes to get girls' attention as they walk by (eg., tapping them on the shoulder), they're often happy to dance for me. They seemed surprised at my interest though, because they'll suggest they didn't think I look interested in them.
Of course, that kind of comment blows me away, but then I realized over time that my "neutral" expression often looks somewhat sad or distant. I don’t intend that, but if I’m lost in thought, my natural facial features can appear to give that signal. And, if I have any conflict whatsoever about having a dancer stop by (like I'm not sure I want to block my lap in case another more desirable dancer arrives, or I'm not that attracted, or I've had mixed quality of dances before from a dancer), then I've noticed I give off some "don't approach me" signals; like not maintaining eye contact (allowing my eyes to briefly avert downward) or after making eye contact, then looking in the other direction like I'm seeking someone else.
In any case, I don't appear very approachable, and I may just be getting what I put out there, - which is to say I'm not getting their attention. Of course, the reverse is true, as when I seem happy and smiley, the girls around me often respond with comments about how much fun I seem and how they enjoy my company.
So, not knowing you, it's hard to say, but it may be worth looking at your own countenance, bearing, and facial expressions to see if you have a welcoming aura, or are perhaps are putting non-welcoming or mixed signals out there.
Okay, the psychology session is officially over. On with the fun...
I don't have that problem at all, I have dancers come over and chat with me who know that I'm not going to get any dances from them, or even buy them a drink. Then again, this only happens at clubs where I'm a regular and they know that I'll talk with them, ask them how their children are doing, remember how old their children are from my last visit, and look them in the eye the whole time without trying to grab a cheap feel.
I kind of doubted you having serious problems getting dancers attention. All I thought it took was to merely get caught looking at a dancer when she's looking around for her next victim.
As far as paying for a dancer's time, I disagree. She can take a hike and not bother me if she has that attitude. Maybe some very upper scale clubs with some rich fat cats are like that somewhere. No offense to those here that like giving money to dancers for time spent talking. You are free to give away your money however you want. I have given money to dancers to leave but I prefer that they leave without acting like a bum asking for a handout. They are no different than a Walmart employee taking my empty cart in the parking lot but then asking if he can have 75 cents. Asking for money like that appears like a desperate bum whether it is a dancer or Walmart employee.
Imagine the uproar among the public in general if salesmen or telemarketers acted like dancers. Every time they failed to sell you something they ask for money for their time or a tip. They would be hated even more. The do not call lists were made because of them. Yet some dancers have an even worse attitude thinking they deserve money when they got rejected and many times you didn't even want them sitting and talking to you. Most dancers don't ask for a tip after they get rejected after they ask for a dance. Some do act like bums IMO. Now if she flashes her tits when asking for a tip, I'll give her a dollar firer that.
I had one that pissed me off. Girl comes over and ask for a drink, so I buy drink. I am not one to want to waste a bunch of time sitting and talking, so I ask for a dance. She says, I'll be right back, but leaves her drink and her other crap at the table.
Basically, she is marking her territory, making she sure no other girl approached me. Then is gone for fucking ever. First, she needs a smoke. Then she comes back. She has to go on stage - but she does not appear on stage. After about 20 minutes of this crap, I left. I was tempted to take her crap she left on the table and throw it in the trash. But, unfortunately, I am too nice of a guy for that.
I could have been spending that time with another woman, but instead, she had to "mark" me as hers. bull shit!
"Anybody else notice that some responders didn't catch my ironic tone while some did? Anybody care to comment on the gender correlation?"
No comment regarding the gender. Let's just say you haven't posted here much recently and since most dancers don't stick around here much, the females on here tend to be new and don't know you.
... great topic... to start with i could probably say "all of the above"... and, no matter what: before going to club, take the time to shower, shave, wash your hair, brush your teeth, gargle, spritz, trim your nails, wear fresh clothes -- treat it like going on a hot date and the girls WILL know and appreciate you for that.
experience will vary depending on size of and location of club, too. there is a big difference between a folksy laid back place in small-town Wisconsin compared to a full-scale production house in, say, LA or Las Vegas. have been to both with my druthers in WI.
if i decide to go to a club, i budget for the rail, bar and private time. often, even in clubs where i am a regular, i will start at the stage and enjoy a full round of all the girls dancing that night, tipping more than a few singles, for sure. this gives me and the girls both a chance to "warm up", so to speak. it also gives me a chance to tip some girls nicely for their dancing effort even when i know i will not be asking most of them for a dance. i call it courtesy and respect and the girls know it. also, especially if there are some new girls that night, it gives us a chance to break the ice, seeing who is really more friendly than formal (and that could be a subject in itself -- the various vibes of tits in the face, or whispers in the ear... LOL).
at some clubs there is a tip walk after the dance where she will get a contribution from those who prefer to hang away from the rail at tables and/or bar. i budget for that and am generous and cordial here, too.
just last week, on Valentines Day, i made sure to bring along lots of roses -- one dozen for my ATF, smaller bouquet for the regular (and dearly wonderful) girl running bar, and a single one for every dancer in the club that night. no one got left out. a few got drinks, all got and gave warm hugs and two (including my ATF) got 30min VIP's.
a little TLC and TLR (...Respect) go a long way.... jj
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Seriously though, for all the talk about "guys who want to turn down a girl" ya hear about, I think there is still a bit of "I can turn him down" mixed in with some "he'll be back for more punishment" that goes on.
If it is one thing attention seekers hate, it's being ignored. Try it.
Seriously though, Book Guy, you must have had some of the other, more pleasant experiences or you wouldn't have been clubbing for so many years. I've had all things you mentioned happen with me, including being ignored. And yet, if I go out of my way sometimes to get girls' attention as they walk by (eg., tapping them on the shoulder), they're often happy to dance for me. They seemed surprised at my interest though, because they'll suggest they didn't think I look interested in them.
Of course, that kind of comment blows me away, but then I realized over time that my "neutral" expression often looks somewhat sad or distant. I don’t intend that, but if I’m lost in thought, my natural facial features can appear to give that signal. And, if I have any conflict whatsoever about having a dancer stop by (like I'm not sure I want to block my lap in case another more desirable dancer arrives, or I'm not that attracted, or I've had mixed quality of dances before from a dancer), then I've noticed I give off some "don't approach me" signals; like not maintaining eye contact (allowing my eyes to briefly avert downward) or after making eye contact, then looking in the other direction like I'm seeking someone else.
In any case, I don't appear very approachable, and I may just be getting what I put out there, - which is to say I'm not getting their attention. Of course, the reverse is true, as when I seem happy and smiley, the girls around me often respond with comments about how much fun I seem and how they enjoy my company.
So, not knowing you, it's hard to say, but it may be worth looking at your own countenance, bearing, and facial expressions to see if you have a welcoming aura, or are perhaps are putting non-welcoming or mixed signals out there.
Okay, the psychology session is officially over. On with the fun...
As far as paying for a dancer's time, I disagree. She can take a hike and not bother me if she has that attitude. Maybe some very upper scale clubs with some rich fat cats are like that somewhere. No offense to those here that like giving money to dancers for time spent talking. You are free to give away your money however you want. I have given money to dancers to leave but I prefer that they leave without acting like a bum asking for a handout. They are no different than a Walmart employee taking my empty cart in the parking lot but then asking if he can have 75 cents. Asking for money like that appears like a desperate bum whether it is a dancer or Walmart employee.
Basically, she is marking her territory, making she sure no other girl approached me. Then is gone for fucking ever. First, she needs a smoke. Then she comes back. She has to go on stage - but she does not appear on stage. After about 20 minutes of this crap, I left. I was tempted to take her crap she left on the table and throw it in the trash. But, unfortunately, I am too nice of a guy for that.
I could have been spending that time with another woman, but instead, she had to "mark" me as hers. bull shit!
No comment regarding the gender. Let's just say you haven't posted here much recently and since most dancers don't stick around here much, the females on here tend to be new and don't know you.
experience will vary depending on size of and location of club, too. there is a big difference between a folksy laid back place in small-town Wisconsin compared to a full-scale production house in, say, LA or Las Vegas. have been to both with my druthers in WI.
if i decide to go to a club, i budget for the rail, bar and private time. often, even in clubs where i am a regular, i will start at the stage and enjoy a full round of all the girls dancing that night, tipping more than a few singles, for sure. this gives me and the girls both a chance to "warm up", so to speak. it also gives me a chance to tip some girls nicely for their dancing effort even when i know i will not be asking most of them for a dance. i call it courtesy and respect and the girls know it. also, especially if there are some new girls that night, it gives us a chance to break the ice, seeing who is really more friendly than formal (and that could be a subject in itself -- the various vibes of tits in the face, or whispers in the ear... LOL).
at some clubs there is a tip walk after the dance where she will get a contribution from those who prefer to hang away from the rail at tables and/or bar. i budget for that and am generous and cordial here, too.
just last week, on Valentines Day, i made sure to bring along lots of roses -- one dozen for my ATF, smaller bouquet for the regular (and dearly wonderful) girl running bar, and a single one for every dancer in the club that night. no one got left out. a few got drinks, all got and gave warm hugs and two (including my ATF) got 30min VIP's.
a little TLC and TLR (...Respect) go a long way.... jj