How to stop a customer from being as nice to you thread.

45 comments

• bigdawg_1

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  18 years ago

  I saw my previous ATF at the club as I was leaving. She gave me a quick hug and said hello. She said I haven't seen you in awhile. I said that's because your'e a nightime girl now and I walked away. I didn't try to start a conversation, I'm still [view link] her.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Shadowcat: That you would have had the guts to take up the dare. Just a joke. Nothing meant by it.
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  Maybe that would have gotten a response. Haven't heard from her since. Surprise, surprise. NOT! If anyone remembers the "I can't believe she remember my name" thread I started a few months ago - this was that girl.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  I don't know about me, but I bet Shadowcat would have done it.
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  hugevlad: I didn't say whether I am pleased she e-mailed me or not. I just said it was "interesting". Is she trying to win me back to spending money on her. Probably. Not that I was ever a big spender at one time. As for you who dared me to link this post: You wouldn't have done it. Basically I said that I missed talking with her, but also said I don't know when I would be in because my weekend schedule (when I normally go) because of other comittments.
• casualguy

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  18 years ago

  I just read something about waiting on a dancer. If a dancer says she needs to use the restroom, I'll wait a couple of minutes or maybe even a few minutes. However after that, I'll let her find me if something better comes along. Otherwise I wouldn't wait on a dancer at all. The main reason I sometimes wait is because I've had a few times when dancers were willing to wait on me while I used the restroom. The dancers always seem to be there when I get back. I don't usually have dancers waiting on me though. At least to my knowledge. I suppose it might be possible if one dancer after another keeps tying me up.
• hugevladfan

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  18 years ago

  BTW regarding that e-mail Komey was pleased about: my ATF whom I showered $$$ upon (and enjoyed every second of it) but could never prove to be reliable when all I was asking for was a pittance (she's 22 and a future star, me 35 and quite laidback) called me out of the blue (from her club) after three months of me breaking off communication with her. We had a quality 10 minute conversation but objectively speaking she ostensibly called in the hopes that I would visit her when she was on the clock. Could I be wrong? Perhaps but I would rather not find out. Chances are Komey the girl contacted you juss as much to try to lure you back than a legitimate inquiry into how the hell you're doing (disregard previous if you haven't spent that much dough on her in relative or absolute terms)
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Komey, you should reply to her: How am I? To find out, visit: [view link] I dare ya.
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  Interesting update: the girl who had been snubbing me sent me an e-mail. Granted it was a quick "Hi, how are you" e-mail, but it is interesting.
• lopaw

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  18 years ago

  You got alot of company out here, Komey. This type of thing is starting to happen to me now, and I am actually quite thankful. I was at my club today, wondering if my ever-so-busy new ATF would find some time for me. She's got a whale or two that keep her busy on Saturday afternoons, and that's fine....more $$$ for her. Today she sees me, gives me a kiss,and says she'll be back in a bit. We all know the ending here- she's never seen again. This is the second time in two weeks she's pulled [view link] the afternoon yet! I was really starting to fall for this girl (stupid, I know). But I think that this was the perfect ending, since it has helped kill off those silly feelings that I was having. The next time I'm in the club, I'm gonna stop her just long enough to thank her for helping me get over my obsession with her. Thank God I'm at least smart enough to walk away from her, rather than some other PL's that only dig themselves in deeper with the "challenge" of winning her back (no one here, of course).
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  chandler - That is the big dilemma. I almost wish there was a glitzy high class club in the area to get a change of pace. But in my area, the clubs are little locals. My current club has several girls that I like getting dances from, but most of them don't stick around much before or after. The girl who has been snubbing me, prior to her doing this, would always come over to chat for at least a little while. The girl who has just gone back to dancing does that as well - and she would do that when she was waitressing. Obviously, that makes them faves and a pretty big part of the reason why I go. I don't think there is a right answer here. I don't want to avoid her. I guess I'm just frustrated because I'm not getting what I am used to and expected.
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  "The worst thing that happens in club is juss waiting and waiting on a dancer." Then don't do it. I set a time limit, if I ask a girl to join me and she hasn't after a certain length of time I find another girl or leave.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Komey: Then I guess the question is whether you'd be switching clubs to avoid her or because there aren't many other girls there you're interested in. Because if there are, you might find her more fun as one of several girls that you spend time with. Not just because the competition would motivate her, but you might relax and enjoy her better if all your hopes aren't invested in her alone. Of course, that's only an option if there are enough girls around who meet your standards.
• hugevladfan

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  18 years ago

  The worst thing that happens in club is juss waiting and waiting on a dancer. She may come over, she may not come over. Big time PITA as your juss passing the time.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Komey: Are you getting dances and sitting with other dancers during all of this or just sitting waiting for one girl?
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  chandler - that usually depends on who is on. I'm usually tipping other girls. I'm a bit particular about who I get dances from. That Friday night was there were some possibilities, but nothing panned out so that was a bit of a waste of time. Saturday - I got dances from the former dancer turned former waitress turned dancer. She was a former fave and she did NOT dissappoint.
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  Just an update. I went to the club a couple times this weekend, admittedly partly to see her, but also to see if the second girl was around. The second girl was not there either night. The first girl saw that I was there the first night early in her shift. She got a little busy doing laps between the first time she was up on stage and the second time. During her second stage show, she said she would stop over. Well, it turned out THAT didn't happen. She said something about stopping by after her third stage show. No dice. I stuck around a while (and later than I usually do there), but left without her stopping over. Night 2, she didn't see me there most of the time I was there (didn't come in until later than normal and debating even coming in at all). When she saw me, she said she would talk to me after she had a smoke. When she came back in, she was called to the stage, and she didn't sound to happy about something (or someone). Not wanting to hear that story, I left. Her status with me is declining rapidly. She has gone from "top fave" to "I'll do a dance if I feel like it". I certainly won't be waiting for her anytime soon. Incidently, right before this whole thing happened, I was told by a waitress (and former dancer there who just started dancing there again) told me that this dancer "loved me" (These two girls seem to be friends, so I would like to think she told me the truth - and she told me this when she was a waitress). Now I admit I don't have much expertise in women loving me, but if that's love - I really don't want no part of it. Things like this make me seriously think it's time to switch clubs again.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  FONDL: You're the one who started the talk about dancers not liking it when customers to get too close. I was only offering a different explanation. I'm not out so change the way anybody spends their money. Actually, I was also poking fun at the notion that strippers let customers get uncomfortably close to them emotionally in spite of themselves. I could almost hear that dude singing "Baby, Don't Get Hooked On Me" in the background.
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  Chandler, sorry if I misunderstood your posts. You said "I know many strippers who are creeped out by guys who pay for conversation" which sounded like you are concerned about their likes and dislikes and which is what prompted my comments. The only point I'm trying to make is that it's my money, I'm the customer, if she treats me the way I want to be treated and I like her I'll be back; otherwise I won't. And if she starts taking me for granted, which happens often, I start losing interest, which I think is the original topic.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Maverick: I think the original topic was about dancers who take their regulars for granted, i.e., that's "How to stop..." Usually you need to read the first message along with the topic heading to be sure what it's about. Then, threads tend to wander around, so you're probably safe posting anything that pops into your head.
• maverick69

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  18 years ago

  OPPS, I misread that topic....I guess that means this is from the dancers point of view. In most cases at one club you usually have one ATF there, but what if you more than one.....INTERESTING.....at my local club Stilleto's here in North Jersey, I've been a regular since they have opened about 9 or 10 years ago.....Saved me a lot of time in driving to other clubs. One of my fav's got upset when I went VIP with another fav. Guess I'll just play the field to keep me satisfied.
• maverick69

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  18 years ago

  Let's get to the primary issue. These girls here are out to make a living. We supply their payday. They entertain us. Yes if we behave properly when we talk to the dancers we have a better chance of A) getting there attention and B) line them up as a favorite. For the most part I tend to treat the dancers with respect and I get it back in return.....some of this as led to advancing into a friendship and some dinner dates. I have gotten many phone numbers of dancers from the clubs I've visited and on one occassion while in Greensboro NC, a dancer gave me a tour of the area. Just remember guys, I've been visiting clubs now for 27 years and the its the 1st IMPRESSION you make on a dancer that gets them to your side.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  FONDL, why are you addressing "I don't much care what the girl likes" to me? Komey, I've never had much luck with calling or emailing stippers to coordinate schedules. Usually, the girls who are most reliable at getting back to me aren't the ones I enjoy best in the club and vice versa. Apparently, it works out for some guys here, but I wouldn't place too much importance on it, and it sounds like you're coming to the same conclusion.
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  Chandler, I don't much care what the girl likes, that's not why I'm there, I only care what I like. When a girl treats me the way I want to be treated, I keep coming in to see her. When she stops, so do I. Komey, I suggest you do the same - hang out with girls who treat you the way you want to be treated, drop those who don't. And don't worry about their motivation, it's both unimportant and unknowable.
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  As I have gone back and read some of these I have a few things to add. Usually, I'm not going to go to a club just to see one girl on a slow night. If I want that, I might as well ask her out on a real date - and I don't see that happening. I know my place in this relationship - as a customer. As for her letting me know when she is working - she gave me an e-mail address, and I e-mailed. I never got a response (not surprising). She has claimed that she has a lot of mail to go through (mentally - I've already called BS on that). She has verbally given me her schedule for the following week when I have seen her - but I have determined that cannot always be reliable for the "slow days". Now don't get me wrong, I still like girl1 in the club. When she DOES come over to talk (before and after our dances) we have some decent conversation and talk about how things have been going since last time we talked. Girl2 gives a great dance, but she never was one that would stay for a lot of conversation with me. Oh well, I will let you know what happens next time I go, and I am sure you are waiting with baited breath lol.
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  Glad to see there is lots of good input here. I'm back from my vacation, but probably won't be going to the club right away. Probably some time this weekend - we will see.
• Golfer99

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  18 years ago

  I tend to agree with FONDL. I've had it happen especially in some of the more busy clubs. The afternoon shifts it never happens. If they see you they make a production out of going over to you and if they see more opportunity they let you know they will be back. At night they tend to figure, hell he will still be here when I get back, the guy they go with get 3 songs and 3 more and 3 more and you say screw this. Next time in the club she forgot what happened but you don't and you brush her off and the cycle starts.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Another possibility: She may get swept along by the "getting close" thing and exchange intimacies she wouldn't normally share. The next day, upon reflection, she may think, "Eew! I can't believe I went there - with some X-year-old pervert, no less." And vow to never let that happen again.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  FONDL: I think it more typically goes like this: The more dances they get, they more they give her. The "getting close" happens when she's not dancing, and they don't pay her for that. So, the closer they get, the less she makes. Now, it's possible that some girls don't like being paid for "getting close", either. I know many strippers who are creeped out by guys who pay for conversation. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  "Guys who think they're "getting close" with a dancer often take that to mean they shouldn't have to spend as much ..." Chandler, I've always been just the opposite, the closer I get to the girl the more I give her. That's because she's giving me more too.
• hugevladfan

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  18 years ago

  I had no prob spending beaucoup $$$ on a stripper I was quite fond of at times I would've sworn were beneficial for her. I wonder to this day juss what it was that caused her to distance herself from our encounters. There was never even a hint of sex involved so I know I can eliminate that aspect.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  FONDL: That's why I said "more likely", not "always". Guys who think they're "getting close" with a dancer often take that to mean they shouldn't have to spend as much (sort of the flip side of dancers who think they can scale back on contact). If you weren't doing that, then your case was different.
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  Chandler that may sometimes be true but not always. My last two faves both lost money when I stopped going to see them. In both cases I waas going in when their clubs were nearly devoid of customers, and I had been spending enough to warrant their time and tipping them well. It was clear that they both got nervous that I was getting to know them too well and began to back off. So I stopped going to their clubs.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Her discomfort is more likely to be over wasting time hanging out instead of making money, not getting too close. The guy flatters himself by thinking it's that.
• hugevladfan

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  18 years ago

  BINGO FONDL. I think if a guy begins to get to close to a stripper regardless of intentions she will pull back, probably to see how much she can get away with and possibly because the guy is coming on too strong as well as not being interested in him.
• Yoda

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  18 years ago

  I agree it's rarely an issue when yu go in during the day-which I do mot of the time. Calling ahead can be helpful but what if three guys all call ahead that they are all coming the same afternoon?
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  This sort of thing is much less likely to happen when the club isn't busy. You can also reduce the chances of it happening by letting the girl know when you're coming in, which should put you first in line. But if it continues your only response is to start spending on another girl. When girl1 asks you why, and she probably will, be honest and tell her you aren't there to wait for someone, you're there to have some fun, so if she's too busy to join you you'll just find someone else.
• Yoda

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  18 years ago

  Chandler, I don't think it contradicts anything I said at all. The biggest misatke a customer can make is to think his two or three dances are going to get a dancer to ignore other potential or guaranteed income sources . To be sure there are some stupid dancers out there but most of them remember their regulars and how much they spend on each visit. A dancer surveys the room and sees $, $$, $$$, not names. This doesn't mean she isn't happy to see a nice guy who spends money on her and treats her well but one or two nice guys are not going to make her night. Last Sunday I went to visit my favorite dancer with VIP room money in my wallet. She was out sick that night but I met another new hot Brazilian and did a couple of two for one dances with her. She was very hot, very friendly and just grabby enough that I was willing to take a shot with her in the VIP room. Unfortunately she pegged me as a "single dance" guy and never came over to visit with me (even after I asked her to) as she was trying to cultivate other business. She lost out on $200 (I was there all night, she didn't do any VIP rooms) even though she stayed fairly busy all night. I could see that she knew many of the guys, and a few couples, that she danced for. She made the decision not to blow any of them off and take a chance with me-I can certainly appreciate that as I'm often a customer waiting for a regular dancer. I agree with Chandler, it's always best to have multiple options when you go to any club.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  The simple fact is that her being your favorite doesn't make you her favorite customer no matter how much she made you feel so before. Being reliable for a couple of dances may not have been enough to put you at the head of her dance card on that particular night. I wouldn't make too much of it unless she keeps repeating the snub. It's always a good thing to have other faves you can have fun with so that you're not at the mercy of a single stripper's whim. None of this is meant to contradict what Yoda said, just another way to look at a situation that can be ambiuous.
• Yoda

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  18 years ago

  Many dancers will string you along all night once they think they have you hooked as a regular customer. They will spend their "prime time" working on new sources of revenue with the assumption that you will wait all night for them. I like my favs and I spend regularly on them but if any of them started to pull this sort of BS they wouldn't be one of my favs for long. There is a fine line between being busy and stringing a guy along. Many dancers, for some strange reason, think that guys don't now the difference. They have learned that batting their eyelashes at us while draping their half naked bodies over us for a two second fake hug will keep us hanging round all night.
• komey1970

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  18 years ago

  Girl 1 was a bit busy with other dances to be sure, but she never blew me off before like last night. She also wasn't always busy - she had time to at least stop over for a minute. She knows I'm good for a couple dances. Her loss last night.
• DandyDan

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  18 years ago

  It's amazing how many potential favorites blow off customers like that. Your only real response is to vote with your money and tell them no.
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  Komey and Bigdawg, I think these things often run in a pretty predictable cycle. Sometimes after a girl knows you for awhile she either starts to take you for granted or begins to distance herself. I think some girls just get uncomfortable once you begin to get too close. You really only have 3 choices: talk to her about it, move on to another girl, or move on to another club. My last 2 faves ended pretty much the same way, one started taking me for granted and kept me waiting unnecessarily long, and the other just seemed to lose interest for no apparant reason. Not much you can do about it, it happens. Once they begin to send mixed signals the end is usually near.
• bigdawg_1

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  18 years ago

  Komey: I'm experiencing the same thing with my current ATF. She'll come by and just give me a quick scratch of the back and says she will be back later. This usually does not happen. I go to the club at Happy Hour and I don't buy many dancers, although I do buy plenty of drinks and tip well. She tells me I am her friend and she needs to make money, yet in the beginning she would always answer my calls, now she doesn't . This means her tips are way down and I rarely buy her a drink anymore.
• chandler

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  18 years ago

  Does anybody think phoning her or going at a slower time would make much difference with Komey's fave? I don't. And I hasten to add, the slower it is the more likely he would be putting all his bets on her with no 2nd or 3rd option for him to turn to.