An Etiquette Question

12/29/2011 3:27:01 AM

I have an etiquette question that seems more appropriate for this forum than for Miss Manners.

One of my favorite dancers retired last year, and she and her young daughter moved in with a guy she had met in the club. I have remained a friend of hers on Facebook, so I know she lives in a very nice house and loves her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is in his 50's, divorced and runs his own small business.

Now they're getting married, and she sent me a wedding invitation. I don't know if I should attend. I'm afraid I'll feel uncomfortable in the presence of the groom and his family, especially if they ask me how I know the bride.

Let me be clear. This dancer is a very nice girl. I never saw her outside the club and we never screwed. But we did everything else.

So should I attend the wedding or not? And what should I get them as a wedding present?

16 comments

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londonguy

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13 years ago

Does he know she was a dancer? If so I can't see any problem in your attending, you could say you met her at the club when you went there for a bachelor party or something, or you could say you met her at some other place? If you do attend you could ask her if she has a present list that you could choose something from?

If he doesn't know she was a dancer and your are a bit nervous maybe you should stay away. And if he doesn't know about it then it doesn't augur well.

motorhead

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13 years ago

I don't see why this is even an issue. You are Facebook friends. She obviously knows your name and address. She considers you a friend. What's the big deal? Certainly he is inviting female friends. If he has an issue with it, then they need to reconsider their marriage. Their problem. Not yours.

The fact you met her in a club is not relevant. She seems past that. As far as a gift - get a gift you would get for any other casual acquaintance such as a co-worker. Nothing extravagant.

Clubber

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13 years ago

Go, bring $1's and put them in her garter while she walks up the isle and during the ceremony. As for a gift, a home stripper pole would be welcomed. :)

Seriously, it all depends on who knows what. Even then, if they know, the fact that she only invites you would mean that you two had a much different relationship. But as motor stated, she asked so from that point on, the "problem" is theirs, not yours.

JohnBuford

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13 years ago

I think motorhead is right on,but let me add one caveat.It's his second marriage,thus I'm assuming the wedding will not be big,but still not EVERYONE there (most likely from his side) may know of her previous occupation.Apply some tact and discretion when the inevitable small talk starts at your table.Insofar as a gift,see if they're registered somewhere and go that route.And if some of her former co-workers are there,have fun. :)

txtittyfan

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13 years ago

No brainer. You go to the wedding and treat her like the friend that she is, not as a stripper.

looneylarry

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13 years ago

No kidding, JohnBuford. Can you imagine two or three hot bridesmaids, liquored up, at the reception? Like shooting fish in a barrel.

jaclkgill

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13 years ago

How about asking girl and agree on what to say about relationship. Go to
wedding and get the gift whatever you want.

JuiceBox69

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13 years ago

These men r right jack ! She must be a good friend so go and enjoy !

thesamurai

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13 years ago

A stripper is turning her wedding into a reunion with her regulars. Why should that be a surprise?

Go. Do you assume you're the only former customer that's going to be there?
Why are you asking about gifts though? Ask where she's registered and pick something off the list.

mjx01

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13 years ago

The gift shouldn't be that hard assuming there is a gift registry for the wedding. Just go with something on the registry that's appropriate for a friend.

As for attending the wedding...
Do you have any 'more than friends' feelings for this girl? If yes, then probably a bad idea. If not, and you can just be another 'happy form them' guest, then I don't see any problem with going. She invited you. Just work out the 'how you know her' explaination with her in adavance.

Larry... I like the way you think re the bridesmaids... but IME that's harder than you'd think.

shadowcat

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13 years ago

i'm a cynic. What is her motivation? She is marrying a former customer. How long will that last? Good opportunity to get some gifts? Go and compare mileage with the groom and the other customers.

minnow

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13 years ago

Two questions, jack: 1) Are you tall ?2) Do you consider yourself to be a good rebounder in basketball, or good at catching ball in a crowd at football ?

If you can answer "yes" to both questions, then you should absolutely go to the wedding!! Your "star" moment should come at the traditional bouquet & garter toss. Make very sure that you're the one to catch the garter. As you put the garter on the bouquet catcher, place a bunch of dollar bills in garter, and yell at crowd to do the same!

spandexman

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13 years ago

You were invited, so go. Most likely most of the guests will know her well enough to know what her previous job was. Give them a gift certificate to a place they like to shop or eat at, always a welcome gift.

sharkhunter

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13 years ago

I'd just ask if there are certain subjects that should be off limits at the gathering such as how the bride met you at the club. If she says, it's not a problem then that answers that question. Then you just need to check or ask if there is a registry for gifts they want.

At least you will probably not be involved in any jokes. At my younger brother's wedding, someone told me I was going to put a garter on a girl's leg. Someone was going to make sure I had the garter to put on. Then they told me it was a tradition to put it on the selected girls leg as far up her thigh as it would go. They said that seriously so I believed them. The next thing I know, the girl has a surprised look on her face as I was sliding the garter up almost to her panties. They all had a good laugh though.
:)

mmdv26

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13 years ago

@sharkhunter I was always told that you are supposed to use your teeth when sliding the garter up......

@jack Make up some thing like "god, I dunno, I knew a friend of a hers, and met her along the way....she's so much fun, don't you think"...something that reduces the need for additional clarification.

I went to a stripper friend's wedding (sans wife), and she told me later that she really appreciated the fact that I had the balls to attend. When she was at the altar, I almost turned to the guy next to me and said "you should see her naked"....

Stiletto25

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13 years ago

I would go. She obviously considers you a friend. Go to Macy's and get them something typical for a wedding. Maybe a Christmas dish and plate set, the nicest pots and pans you can find, crystal goblets? Idk they must be registered somewhere.

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