tuscl

Great Moments in Crossing the U.S--Canadian Border

Wednesday, September 21, 2011 5:36 PM
The Canadian border guards generally ask fewer questions and one's on their way sooner than their American counterparts. U.S. Border Guard: "So what's the reason you're entering?" Mwa: "Vacation in Detroit." U.S. Border Guard deadpans an incredulous look of "Who comes to Detroit for vacation???"

28 comments

  • HonestT
    •
    13 years ago
    LOL, classic! I hope you had fun. I always hear that you can get takeout in Canada legally, and economically. But I'm thinking that must be at least half wrong, given your choice of vacation destinations.
  • mjx01
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    13 years ago
    LOL!!! However, I'd have to agree with HonestT, why bother when you already get to enjoy Canadian?
  • jackslash
    •
    13 years ago
    The last two times I've returned from trips to Windsor, Canada, I've been pulled aside and questioned by the US border guards who then searched my car while I sat in the little detention room. I don't know why they stopped me. It can't be racial profiling because I appear to be--and am--the archetypical White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. They asked if I was carrying drugs or weapons or over $10,000 in cash. When they asked the purpose of my visit to Canada, I answered "vacation." Should I have given the more fully honest reason of hanging out in totally nude strip clubs?
  • farmerart
    •
    13 years ago
    From the point of view of a Canadian entering the US, things seem to be more intrusive than what you describe. I was held for secondary inspection at Blaine, Washington for four hours on one of my trips. Another time, I was searched and questioned closely at Sweetgrass, Montana by US border control upon LEAVING the US. Entering North Dakota north of Minot was just as awful. Pre-clearance at Calgary Int'l Airport was so long and drawn-out one time that I missed my flight. Curiously, I find the Windsor-Detroit crossing (tunnel not bridge) to be the easiest of any land crossing that I have used since 9/11. I am positive that my passport # has been flagged for some reason or other. I have curtailed my travel to the US as a result of these discourtesies. US can do whatever it wants on its borders but this level of control is now affecting commerce, tourism, and plain old neighbourly relations with its largest trading partner and best friend in the entire world - Canada. I am dreading my business trip to Houston in January.
  • king1
    •
    13 years ago
    Tell them you are going to the strip clubs in Montreal or wherever you are going. It saves time because they don't ask a lot of follow up questions. The US side of the border usually ask a lot more questions. It is harder to get into the US than Canada. takeout is usually legal in Canada but not much cheaper. We used to have an exchange rate advantage now they do.
  • vincemichaels
    •
    13 years ago
    Gee CT, you should have replied. Lots of Arab terrorists come to Detroit for vacation. :)
  • SuperDude
    •
    13 years ago
    Border guard: What was the purpose of your visit to Canada? Me: Visiting strip clubs in Windsor. Border guard: Do you have a girl in the trunk?
  • CTQWERTY
    •
    13 years ago
    That was on the return from my first trek to the Toronto clubs. I got asked a couple more followup questions before being allowed back in. Most recently, border guard took a look through my luggage and trunk before letting me pass. Fortunately no secondary inspection. In general, prices quoted in the Canadian clubs are higher but can be negotiated down. If not, there are generally plenty of other gals present to try. Sorry to hear that, Art. Maybe it's a by-product of our unemployment problem here? We create jobs by hiring more government workers and they have to find something to do. Vince, I say that and I'll get a rubber glove full body cavity exam for sure ... Jack, I think it has to do with the brevity of a Windsor trip entails. If they suspect your stay was sooooo short such as to fit the profile of a courier, then I can see why they'd detain you and perform an extra search. I was in Toronto for a few days which doesn't fit the courier "time is money" quick trip profile.
  • CTQWERTY
    •
    13 years ago
    LOL, SuperDude!!! Did that really happen?!?
  • shadowcat
    •
    13 years ago
    Border guard: What was the purpose of your visit to Mexico? Me: Pleasure. Border guard: Did you bring anything back? Me: I hope not.
  • whiffenpoof
    •
    13 years ago
    Being Canadian I am especially polite when crossing into US. but I sure don't take any crap from the Canadian custom inspectors.
  • sinclair
    •
    13 years ago
    I crossed into Canada a week ago and was detained by the Canadian border patrol. Apparently, saying I was going on vacation to a particular city was not specific enough for them. They put on rubber gloves, searched through my car, and went through all of my bags, even sifting through my underwear. The one bitch tried to accuse me of being an immigrant since I had three travel bags and no hotel reservation on me. After waiting 45 minutes for them to do some kind of background check on my passport, they let me go and acted like nothing happened. No apology for wasting my time, no thank you for spending my tourist dollars in their country. Thanks for the humiliation, Canuck assholes. On my way back to the US, the US border patrol asked me three questions at the booth and let me go--less than a minute of my time.
  • smokeshopjoe
    •
    13 years ago
    I go canoeing alllllllll the time at least once a week and where I like to go no matter which way I go I have to cross a check point. I can honestly say that there are some characters that work for the border patrol and there are some real psychos. I should also point out that I never leave the country I stay in the us the whole time. Still I have to cross checkpoints. Anyways so the last tthree times have been interesting. One guy clearly never works the checkpoint he looked at my canoe and paddles and says parker or patagonia both lakes on that side of the check point and the only place within 100 miles where you could go with it. I say parker, down the 30 miles of hateful roads. his response is yeah I Have to drive them everyday and accountants wonder why we crack fenders and frames of our trucks with in 2 year. Never asked any thing else and said drive safe and waved us on. The next time this super hispanic guy scours my car with his eyes for a goooood min and asks Are you a US Citizen? yes... Got anything illegal? I sit and looked puzzled he asks again Got anything illegal? i say NO. OK drive safe... WHY, WHAT...WHO who in their right mind would ever say yeah man I got these bales of pot and some rocket launchers and some under aged girls... I mean fucking seriously Does that Ever work? The last time I went through it was night and things were flying around catching the bugs attracted by the lights when I get there this ex navy seal looking guy is the one asking questions but before he can say anything I ask are they birds or bats flying around he then takes a good long minute look with a look of such intensity like he is searching the skys for dragons and says I... dont, Know? I respond just curious he looks at me with the same searching glare and US(insert awkward pause followed by a trailing off) citizen...? UH YEEEEAH. the man just nods his head and I drive the fuck away. I love how when you walk across the border they guy only checks bags of those who they think have anything worth confiscating (stealing) or bags of shifty mexicans.
  • gator469
    •
    13 years ago
    If u think the U.S. customs agents are getting overzealous ask them if they have a form so u can file a formal complaint it usually changes there attitude in a hurry
  • Rlionheart
    •
    13 years ago
    The story of my last nand never again shortcut. While driving an empty van back from dropping a load of furniture in upstae NY, I took the "shortcut" from Buffalo to Hamilton to London to Sarnia. Got to US Customs - pulled out of lane - put in a little room like jackslash - held for about 3 hours. My van was the only vehicle in the lot that I saw and remember, it was EMPTY. No explanation on release.
  • motorhead
    •
    13 years ago
    I haven't had to cross the border since things have become a bit more strict but back in the day when going from Detroit to Windsor if I just said I was going to the casino they never hassled me. They loved the fact I was gonna lose money in their country. But the place I was hassled the most was coming back from the Bahamas. The US customs agent searched my bag because I didn't declare anything. He said everyone buys a T shirt or some tourist souvenir. He called me a liar
  • dudeanonymous
    •
    13 years ago
    @motorhead: When returning from the Bahamas, did you clear customs in Miami? Never, ever go through customs in Miami.
  • SuperDude
    •
    13 years ago
    @CT--Yep, a true story.
  • CTQWERTY
    •
    13 years ago
    Well, nice to know some folks can have a little fun with their job! By the way, did you reply "One? I've got two!"
  • gatorfan
    •
    13 years ago
    Were you traveling with a nun, a monk and a Hari Krishna?
  • joesparty
    •
    13 years ago
    I used to go to Windsor for the casino and a little takeout (yes, outcalls are legal, but some cities require the girl to have a license). Entering Canada was never more than a couple questions. Coming back was always a little more intrusive, but the last time was unbelievable. Officer absolutely didn't believe I had been to the casino, but I had. I wonder if telling him about the takeout too would have made it easier. Searched my car. Kept asking me about weapons. The best line was " You're telling me you work in Detroit and don't carry any weapons?" He finally let me go when he found out I was a fellow fed employee. But what a dick.
  • HonestT
    •
    13 years ago
    I used to go thru Detroit to Windsor casinos in the 90s several times a month. Never more than three questions either way. Went 5 times between 2002-2006 and got the same treatment, with the exception of one time. I took a smart-mouthed friend. I told him as soon as we go I to line to cross into Canada, not to say anything unless asked directly, and to be nice. The female guard asks me the standard 3 questions, then askes my friend, "sir, where are you from." Annoyed, my friend gestures out the window, "Back there." OMG it was so funny, but I was pissed he said it. The guard says, "excuse me?!" And my friend repeats it with a straight face and adds, "You know, America?" Naturally we get motioned to the detention lot. 2 hours later we get to the casino.
  • shadowcat
    •
    13 years ago
    Many years ago my ex wife and I were returning from Guadalajara, Mexico. We had been visiting her family at their ranch. We were clearing customs in Dallas. They asked where we had been and we told them. Then they asked us what shoes we were wearing at the ranch and we told them the ones that we had on. So they made us display the bottoms of our shoes. Checking for cow shit(disease)???
  • Cheo_D
    •
    13 years ago
    Actually yes oneof the questions in the customs form is whether you were exposed to raw agricultural matter because of things like Mad Cow, Fruit Flies, etc. And border patrol is such a pain at times. They know they've got you by you know where. Art, I am a US cit and still got flagged for a while. There is some office at State that deals with such issues for locals but I don't know if they do it for outsiders. Then after the new rules came out and I had fo start using my full " long form" name, it all stopped (so it was a name's-the-same deal most likely).
  • spudd
    •
    13 years ago
    I drove twice to Toronto, entering from Niagra Falls. 1st time, crossing to Canada, patrol was nosy because I was traveling alone. Lots of questions, but she let me go. On way back, US Patrol was quick, he just asked me to roll down my window to look in the passenger seats. 2nd time, crossing to Canada, patrol let me through immediately. On the way back, I was "randomly picked" for car inspection. The inspection only took 10 minutes, but the whole process took about 30.
  • rh48hr
    •
    13 years ago
    Have had a few interesting returns from Mexico, but the most interesting was about four years ago, me an my ex-wife took a trip to San Diego for our anniversary (the last one). We went down to TJ for a while and when we were ready to come back there was a line about a mile and a half long. Everyone in line was Mexican so we assumed they had to wait to get to the US. We just walked right past them until some U.S. Customs guys told us it was the line for everyone. The look on our faces had to have him laughing his ass off later. There were a couple of buses waiting with tourists right by where we were. He suggested we pay one of the drivers to take us up to checkpoint and then get out and walk through. I talked with the guy, paid him $20 bucks to drive us 50 yards and we got off the bus and went through customs. Instead of 2-3 hours (or more) we got out in about 30 minutes. Best $20 bucks I ever spent.
  • motorhead
    •
    13 years ago
    @dudeanonymous. Yes it was in Miami. I remember the first time I flew into Miami in the early 1980s. These days it's not that uncommon to see heavily armed police in certain airports but back then it was unusual. I flew to Miami at the height of the popularity of Miami Vice, I was somewhat shocked to see these guys in full body armor and automatic weapons. I remembering thinking to myself this is America not fucking Beirut. Time have since changed.
  • dudeanonymous
    •
    13 years ago
    Back in the 80s I flew into Rome, about a year after the attack on the El Al ticket counter. The Italian police were still in full riot gear, carrying submachine guns. I remember thinking that that would never fly in the US. Fast forward 25 years....
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