Stripper Shit Whoppers

"I'm pregnant. I'm pretty sure you're the father."

Since my nuts were disconnected from the outside world a decade before this girl even reached puberty, I think that qualifies.

Anna (stage name Skye) at the Columbia Platinum Plus. "I was in jail for drugs".

Translation: Just got out of 8 years in prison for luring a customer to her hotel room for sex. Her boy friend came in robbed and killed the guy.

"You have a big dick" Honey, it isn't just big, it's huge. LMAO

Strippers peddle shit to me ?? NO WAY!! I am such a nice kindly old gentlemen no dancer would ever do that to ME.


Uh............ would she?

Never, farmerart. Strippers always speak the truth (at least their version of it) It's like this blonde hottie at the Inner Room today. Yesterday, she sat in both my lap and TUSCL brother, knightline. Today she claimed she didn't work yesterday. DUHHHHH !!!

@gmd: Vasectomies have been known to reverse themselves. I know two couples with later-in-life, OOPS! children.

Stripper in her 30's: "You're only the fourth guy I've had sex with in my life."

jack: Cut, cauterized, folded over and sewn together. 3 subsequent tests about 5 years apart (because I too know couples who've gotten pregnant afterwards) all confirmed zero sperm count. If it grows back now, when I'm in my fifties, it'll be a medical miracle.

Believe I've related this one before:

Stripper in a club I once frequented: "I haven't had sex since the last time we did it."

Me: "Uh, I've never had sex with you."

At columbus gold: "I don't do the $12 table dances or the $30 regular dances I just do the VIP 3 for $100 deals and I am leaving at 7pm so we need to do it now" I replied "no thanks"...and sure enough she ends up staying until 10pm still not selling any 3 for $100 deals and begging me to do a regular $30 dance. Hahah what a dumb ass!

"I'll give you a blow job if you'll represent my boyfriend for free. He's charged with murder."

"I'm not a prostitute, I sell fantasies." Really!!?? Your boobs, ass, and pussy sure felt real.

"You can't tell me a joke unless you pay me to tell me one, I need to hussle for money tonite" never saw her do a single dance that nite! Great hussle!

"I have only made $30 so far this night," or a similar small amount. I have heard this from a lot dancers over the years. What makes it funny is that many I have noticed come out of the VIP or champagne rooms. Unless the club is really ripping the dancers off they are going to make over $100 in the champagne room.

The most recent who stated this, came up to me after I had been in the club for over 20 minutes and I knew she was in the VIP all that time for at least 6 dances since I was looking for her since I got in the club.

One told me she needed me to give her $400 to get ac in her car fixed. "I need it now she said so I can pay him today."

Stripper "shit" usually means she's hoping you'll just give her the money and she won't have to work for it.

If you give good dances you shouldn't need to try and swindle a customer.

I have only given a lame ass story once to a customer. He was a regular and a smart one too. Looking back on it I'm sure he knew I was lying. He gave me the money anyways because he liked me.
To this day I still feel stupid about it and I'm lucky he still gets dances from me.

Her: Can't you give me 200 to get back to Houston ? (she was in San Antonio. I'm sure bus fare is a lot less than that).

Me: How do you suggest I do that ? I'm working doubles for the next ten days, at least.

Her: Can't you drive here ?

Me: I'm working doubles. When do I sleep ?

Her: I can drive your car (Yeah, right. Besides, few people can drive a stick).

Me: I don't think so. Besides, aren't you staying with family ?

Her: Well, yes, but I love you.

(I then hung up the phone and turned it off).

I think this qualifies as a stripper shit whopper: A fave I had, had a few different housing arrangements during the two years I knew her. She only danced the first year, but I still kept in touch with her during the second year. During that second year I took her on a few dates. They were actual dates, not really OTC stuff. But, they were much more expensive shows, and dinners, etc. than she would ever get to go to otherwise. Her last housing arrangement that she told me, was that she was "roommates" with another dancer's (whom I knew of) brother. My fave said the brother was gay. She didn't say as much, but had lead me to believe that they had separate bedrooms, because she told me he would bring his boyfriends/partners, to their house and they would go into his bedroom for their intimacy. Several months later, it turns out that my fave was pregnant by the boyfried she had told me was gay. The "gay" guy's sister (dancer whom I knew of), vehemently denied that her brother was gay.

Shortly after that, I moved to another city, 1,200 mi. away (my fave knew I was planning the move for the past few months). I managed to get to my new city and change my phone number without giving the new number to the dancer. At that point I had to abandon her. That was in 2006, and fortunately, she's not been able to contact me since.

Last night in a club I heard, "I left my boyfriend, and I'm living out of my van with my 11 year old daughter until I can get some hotel money."

gmd, this sounds like a real possibility...

spy: Normally, it would be, if she were at all my type. The body is right, butterface! Her voice was annoying, and her personality wasn't exactly endearing. And since, in the words of another dancer at that club, "she's the biggest whore in the place," I'm guessing I could have gotten a decent deal just for paying for her hotel room for the night!

gmd,


And what would have done with the 11 year old, and I don't mean sexually. Just how to get her out of the picture.

If the 11 year old even exists, that would have been *her* problem, not mine. Like I said though, not my type anyway, so I never really gave it much thought.