Stripper Jokes

Customer: How much are your lap dances?

Stripper: 1 for $25, 2 for $50, and 3 for $100.

Guess some do use their brains....they've got lots of my money over the years !

Stripper joke:

Why did the stripper frown at the orange juice can? Because it said "concentrate." :)

About backwards pricing: Yeah, there's a backwards-incentive at Penthouse here in New Orleans, too. I think it's $50 for 20 minutes, $250 for 30 minutes, and $350 for an hour. At first it looks idiotic (why would I EVER get an hour at $350, when I could instead do 3 stints of 20-minutes each, back to back, for $150?). But when you learn that girls only do the 20-minute deal if there's a new and reluctant customer, and only once for any given guy ever, and then you find out that the bouncer will refuse to allow you to go for a second 20-minutes right after the first 20-minutes, it starts to make a bit more sense. Not much, but a bit ... :P

OV, I agree the pricing at Cols Gold is insane. Not to mention their 30 minutes for $350, which if you do the math comes out to about 10 songs. They try to advertise their bundle packages like 3 for $100 as being "3 uninterrupted song" as if they actually collect payment after you do every individual song.

I'd hate to hear dancers' PL jokes. Then again, if they let those get out, it'd probably cost them a ton of money.

Book Guy, the 20 minute dances are $100 at Penthouse, not $50. I have timed them, the bouncer always cuts you short by a few minutes, so its more like 15 minutes. Girls don't advertise the 20 minute deal. They try to get you for a half hour, hour, or $40 single private dance.

This isn't new but one I remember. This was before the do not call list. A dancer said she bought a device that when hooked up to the phone could make several whoopee sound noises. A telemarketer called. She asked if he could hold because she just ate a bean burrito. Then she hooked up the device and checked back a few minutes later. He was still on the line. Then she put him back on hold.

The worst joke I heard a dancer say was "I'll dance for free. If you don't like it, you don't have to pay."
Now if it was free, why would I have to pay in the first place?

Two strippers are on an outdoor deck for a smoke break near closing time.
First stripper asks the other "Which do you think is closer - the moon or Florida?"
The other stripper thinks about it for a minute and finally answers "the moon."
The 1st stripper asks "Why?".
The 2nd stripper says "We can see the moon. Duh."

(okay - so I modified this "blonde" joke for strippers!)

Onstar, how can I help you ?
Is this onstar ?
Yes it is. What can I do for you ?
I'm locked in my car.
You're locked in your car ?
Yes. I dropped the keys as I was closing the door, now I'm locked inside.
You can't open the door ?
No.
Do you see the silver knob on your door ?
Yes.
That's the lock. Pull up on the knob.
(You hear a thunk and the door opening). Oh, thank you.

Sinclair: you are correct. Still, the pricing is oddly silly (isn't it $100 for 20 mins; $250 for 30 mins; $340 to $400 for 60 mins?) and makes no sense unless you understand that the smallest item (20 @ $100) is a "loss leader" and therefore girls are chary about them. Also, the upper-levels are more private rooms. I have HEARD tale of good service, but cannot confirm personally.

Had a bad experience with a gal there just last night, BTW. "I don't allow touching." Technically, it is (of course) up to the dancer to decide her personal limits, and technically, it is (you may be surprised to learn) illegal for a dancer to contact a customer in a private dance in New Orleans. Nevertheless, it counts as DELIBERATELY MISLEADING if a girl bites your nipples and neck on the main floor, fondles your dickie through your pants, but then in the 20-minute room moves your hands off of her THIGHS (was heading for the ass; never got there; never even TRIED for the tits), especially in a club where the NORM is for all girls to allow some tit-fondling, and for most girls to allow tit-sucking. Right? She KNOWS she's offering much less than most girls would, and so she's FOOLING the customer into a false expectation which she knows she won't meet, isn't that the case? or is there some other possible interpretation?

Book Guy, I don't think extras occur at Penthouse to the best of my knowledge. They even make you sign a piece of paper saying you will not have sex with the dancer, etc. When you say upper levels, are you referring to the second floor suites and private areas or is there a third/fourth floor I don't know about? However, I have heard that a full-on fuck can be had at Temptations or Lipstixx in a non-shared private room if the price is right a la Bob Barker.

Dude, I didn't want EXTRAS, but the dancer didn't even provide NORMAL.

In Seattle I had a few gals ask "Would you like a 40 50 or 60" this is for one dance.

BG: Nope, that's the only *rational* interpretation. I'm sure she rationalized it to herself, but she was in effect lying to you.

C x { RE [ K (ld ^ s) ] } / D x K (ld ^ s-q ) = F

Customer C times reasonable expectation RE of certain constant K level of lapdances ld, as based on the particular strip-club in question s, over dancer D times constant K level of lap dances ld as based on some degree q less than the strip-club s usual level, equates to falsehood F.

Quotient q is the operative factor here. How MUCH less than the norm did she give you. Or how much MORE?

Price, additionally, SHOULD be factored by F, but generally is not.

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time!"