Nasty, ugly dancers- What was your worst experience?

PS, thanks to steve229 for the link that gave me the idea for this post, I think.

http://www.dlisted.com/node/35724

1997-Had a thirtyish dancer climb into my lap. Even though her crotch was below mine, I could smell something that smelled like a dumpster, with spoiled milk and other foul liquids, rotting in the summer sun, unattended after a week. I paid her twenty to go away.

Late 2008-I was making a round of clubs on 290 in Houston. Saw a dancer who was at least 65, if she was a day. Wrinkles everywhere. I'm glad I didn't see her strip. I couldn't get out of that club fast enough. Saw my 70ish grandma nude once, by accident. I nearly ran screaming into the night, trying to gouge my eyes out with forks the whole way.

Mostly, I understand the whole "different strokes..." thing, but I fail when it comes to one black and broken toothed, massive cottage cheese legged, stretch marked cow that works at one club I've been to a couple of times. But she gets dances, and I see her going to the VIP room sometimes. I'd be afraid to come within reach of the ten foot pole!

Fortunately no. Most are sensitive to whether or not you're trying to get their attention as an invitation to come by. So if one doesn't put out the welcome mat, you won't be bothered.

Fortunately, my worst experience began and ended at the bar. It was a granny stripper. I just said no, like Nancy Reagan taught us (no disrespect intended).

Years ago at Tycoons in Detroit, the ungliest dancer I have every seen decided to camp in my booth. She was flat chested, looked anorexic, smelled bad and had maybe five teeth in her mouth. I could not believe that management let her dance in the club, but quality control has never been their strong suit. Every hint at "NO" did not work. A trip to the mens' room and relocation did not worth. She followed me to my new booth. I could not find the manager. I left and did not go back to Tycoons for six months.

..did not work..

Don't have a nasty topper to share personally, but 2 tuscl posts had me "rotfl":

1) Last 2 paragraphs or so of "phil55" Sept28 2005 review of Flamingo Theater, Anaheim, Ca- on "Skanky Stella".

2) One of "chitownlawyer" last DB posts on "Pissing Blowjob"- on 1 of his illustrious TJ brothel rolls.

I remember this one place in Wisconsin across the river from Winona, MN where I went once with a buddy of mine and basically, their whole selection of dancers were obese whales who smelled, were high/drunk, and missing teeth. I will admit to an overly large tolerance of fat dancers, but that was too much. One of the bottom two places I've been to.

I have seen Dancers with Bumps on their ass and one who had 2 bumps on her inner thigh near her Vagina.

Here is a section from one of my reviews of a local club:


There was only one girl that just didn't make it. A dancer should not be scary looking, she really shouldn't. There was one girl who was about 5'10" and probably about 195. She looked like she could play linebacker for the Eagles. It just wasn't fair to her today. The girls on shift really could dance and they worked the poles for all they were worth. At one point, Jamie had her feet up on the bar, bending over backward to hold onto the pole and just slid all the way down to the stage with her feet still up on the bar and her back arched. That is talent. This poor girl was trying to compete with talent like that by just standing up on stage and shifting from one foot to the other. Needless to say that in the two hours I was there she didn't have any customers. Her whole sales pitch was "Look what I have to play with!" while jiggling the girls. Give me a break.

This girl looked like a lap dance would hurt.

Funny this topic should appear today, since I had one of those experiences last night. One small club has a regular dancer who is clearly past her prime (if she ever had a prime). Big, fake boobs, wide dimpled ass, and a face that looks like someone hit her with a frying pan. She also seems either perpetually drunk or mentally retarded. Of course, she is not shy and will always approach you for a dance. I was polite, but firm in my NO. Then she got on the bar/stage for a set. I couldn't watch. Gaaaaaaaaaaa . . .

DD,

You just reminded me of a "dancer" in a local club. We used to see her when we did our after work excursions. There IS safety in numbers, since none of us ever came into direct contact with her. What reminded me was your "mentally retarded" statement. This "dancer" always had her tongue hanging out like a panting dog. That alone was a turn off because it was hanging and not even attempted to be used in a sensual manner. The reast of her was no better than terrible. We always wondered why in the world she was allowed to "dance" there. Our bet was that she had something on the owner or managers.

On one of my first trips to Montreal, a friend of mine & I entered "Chateau du Sexe" (which I think is called something else now) in the early afternoon. No matter how much I explained to my friend that no one would know what he was talking about when he said that he was from "Providence" (just to use a city name in the States) that no one would know what he was talking about..."Just say that you're from the States"...he didn't seem to get it.

So, we walk up the looong flight of stairs to get into the club, and meet the hardest working strip club employee in Montreal...who was the doorman, bouncer, DJ/announcer, and bartender all in one...who asks my friend, "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Providence!"

"Where's that?"

"It's in RI."

"Which is where??"

"It's in New England..."

"...we're from the States", I interrupted.

"Oh, great, that'll be $3 each."

"Is that Canadian money or American money?"

I roll my eyes (my friend also didn't get the concept of when you're in a foreign country that the prices of things are quoted in that country's monetary denomination).

"It's Canadian my American friend......hey everyone, it's Ron and ******* from the States!", he announced on the club's intercom.

We turn to face the stage where the largest dancer that I've ever seen was "dancing". She was kind of a tall white, brunette gal, but she also had rolls of fat that had rolls of fat that had rolls of fat...you get the picture. She was one of those people who was so fat that it was actually hard to tell that she was even totally naked.

Unfortunately for me, Ron had a weird thing for pornos with overly large women in them...so he literally ran over to sit by the edge of stage, and I had to follow him...ugh...

He got his though a few dancers later when a black dancer was doing a spin move on the stage near us & whacked him in the forehead with her huge stripper shoe, knocking his mixed drink all over him. The look on his face when she came down off the stage to hug him (Ron didn't like black girls much) for hurting him was worth it all for me...lol...

1 local club in NJ had a 62 year old dancing at one particular high mileage club recently closed. Thank goodness there were plenty of other younger girls around to play with whenever she was on stage.

Too many fuglies to tell about but I was sitting with one of my ATF's, a young goddess, and several below average dancers walked in front of us. I could smell a strong fishy odor and I said "what's that smell?" My ATF got pissed and said "It's not me- I take 3 showers a day." I laughed but she was still pissed off. Whoever got a dance with the funky dancer probably really got pissed off.

MisterGay: "my friend also didn't get the concept of when you're in a foreign country that the prices of things are quoted in that country's monetary denomination"

A friend MisterGay met in Special Ed, no doubt. Smart friends you got there MisterGay! Not too surprising though that anyone with an IQ above 80 would consider you way too dumb to hang around, though.

Worst was a club (now closed) in Columbia SC named Pleasers. She was a real porker. Tatooed. Gold and missing teeth. There were two guys sitting at the stage shoving dollar bills into her pussy.