Married guys who secretly visit clubs

33 comments

• Dudester

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  14 years ago

  She knows dude, someone ratted you out, plus, her female intuition is pegged. Those comments were verbal minefields she was laying out. Your best chance is to arrange counseling for the two of you, at which point you come clean about the clubs, but make her and the counselor think the lappers are all air.
• Dudester

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  14 years ago

  Oh yeah, she;s going to want to know most of all if you're emotionally intimate with the strippers-that would hurt more than the physical aspect, so.... 1) Everytime you go, you're with a different stripper. You have never seen the same stripper twice. 2) Stippers are dumb and you chat about the weather, current local events, and what type of drinks you prefer.
• deogol

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  14 years ago

  Get her a pole and keep the money in the family! Role play can be fun.
• gatorfan

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  14 years ago

  But my question is does the wife think the stripper is the safer play versus an escort? Do they realize strippers do extras & not air dances?
• georgmicrodong

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  14 years ago

  "I'm quite certain my wife still has no clue that I visit clubs at least once a month." Wrong. Dude, not only does she know, whether because one of your friends let it slip to his wife, who then told her, or because she smelled something funny one time, or because she actually followed you and caught you, but she's testing you to see if you come clean about it. Why she's doing that is the question. Is she waiting to bust your ass when she catches you in a lie, or does she want to come along and get her own groove on? That's the question. I'll admit I'm pretty lucky to have a wife that not only knows where I'm going, and what I'm likely to do when I get there, but accompanies me herself sometimes to share in the fun. Here's hoping *your* wife just wants to share in some way.
• Player11

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  14 years ago

  Many women (including wives) have no clue what goes on in SC. If they did they would be livid about the clubs.
• steve229

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  14 years ago

  mreef, In previous posts you've stated you have no interest in extras. Has something happened recently in your clubbing experience that's made you think about changing your mind? Your dream suggests possible feelings of guilt about unresolved desires. Could your wife be picking up on these signals? She had sultry eyes, she made it perfectly plain that she was his For a price But he said "Leave me alone, I`m a family man And my bark is much worse than my bite" He said "Leave me alone, I`m a family man But if you push me too far I just might"
• dudeanonymous

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  14 years ago

  She knows something is up and is fishing for a reaction. I think your "point" is trying to decide how you react the next time she drops the hint, because there will be a next time. I guess that depends on your relationship. She might have a full range of emotions, from wanting to not believe you are going to SCs to being exited at the prospect of joining you, and everything in between. I know I would be concentrating on what to do the next time this "casually" comes up in conversation.
• mreef

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  14 years ago

  Correct I don't do extras, just love the 2 way full contact LDs. But the lack of action at home has had me think seriously about that. The only thing I can think is the smell. I've take to wearing a shirt and bringing a shirt with me and putting on the clean shirt before getting home. Then when I get home I wash up. The marriage is great (according to both of us), no need for counseling. I would love to have sex with multiple partners, but that is not something she would ever go for (our hypothetical Tiger Woods discussions nailed shut). None of my friends know I go clubbing (I'm in the "closet" so to speak), and no one tails me 2 hours away. Since I control the checkbook/credit cards (shared money), she wouldn't be able to pay for that.
• mreef

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  14 years ago

  I know no one will believe me, but I think it was a weird coincidence.
• georgmicrodong

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  14 years ago

  Oh, I have no trouble at all believing that you think it's coincidence. I just also believe that you're kidding yourself. Your bullet #3 might be your id screaming "pay attention," but with regard to the other three, once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. I also believe you're entirely too sure of yourself with regard to who you think knows about your activities. You *might* be right, but you should at least consider the possibility that you're not.
• snowtime

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  14 years ago

  It sounds like more than a coincidence, but I suppose that is possible. If your marriage is as good as you say I would start asking her a few questions the next time she brings the subject up. Maybe she does want to go along. I would be careful about discussing the extras with her as I doubt many women realize what goes on in the back rooms.
• samsung1

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  14 years ago

  "But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me) Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me) I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me) She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me) She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me) Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me) Heard the scream get louder (It wasn't me) She stayed until it was over "
• lopaw

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  14 years ago

  I've had the same thing happen with my SO from time to time. After she hits me with an unusual round of questions/comments (which I generally blow off), she usually drops the subject.
• neoguy

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  14 years ago

  I have also caught a few signs recently that my wife knows "something" is up. I try to be very carefull, but something is amiss. Different than mreef, I go twice a week and think I might need to cool it for a little while....but of course I did go again today...ha.
• Clubber

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  14 years ago

  Do you have a closet of all the same shirts? Leaving in the AM in blue and coming home in white just might be a hint to her. Also, if the shirt has the SC smell, just tossing it in the laundry does little good, unless only you do the wash.
• Electronman

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  14 years ago

  I agree, your wife either knows or is very suspicious. Two hypotheses: #1. You've been "outed by odor" (sounds like a country music song title??). Some people have a very keen sense of smell. Even if you change shirts (thus creating the wardrobe inconsistency problem noted by Clubber), you may come home from your SC visits with your hair and other parts of your body and clothing smelling like smoke, perfume and pussy. For example, getting a stevie at the tip rail may transfer glitter or perfume from the dancer's breasts to your face and shirt. I've also noticed some dancers with very strong crotch odors that could be transferred to your pants from a lap dance. If your club offers extras, you'll also need to clean up afterwards. Several strategies for discretion, carry a gym bag full of exercise clothes in your car and slip in an extra shirt or set of underwear. If you're really cautious, change into the extra shirt and underwear before going to the SC and then back to your original set after the SC visit. If you have a gym membership, stop by to exercise or just to shower after a visit to a SC. Some high end clubs offer wet wipes in the men's room or you might consider getting a travel pack of wet wipes. The other hypothesis-- your wife is interested in strip clubs, possibly for any number of reasons: they are increasingly depicted on main stream TV shows, maybe some of her co-workers have talked about SCs, maybe she finds naked women (or men, after all there are male strippers) sexy. Why not ask her if she's ever been or would like to go to a strip club. Just be sure to go to a club where you are not already known by the strippers. Nothing blows your cover like having a dancer address you by name. Good luck.
• mreef

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  14 years ago

  FWIW, this is my shirt strategy. It works in the cold winter, summer would be trickier. I wear a long sleeve shirt under a heavier shirt (waffle weave). I remove the waffle weave and go into the club (without a jacket, very important, even if 15 degrees, which it's been). Then when I leave club, I take off long sleeve shirt and put on waffle weave by itself, and my jacket. I re-enter the house wearing the same shirt, with no odor on shirt or jacket. I stash the perfumed shirt (taking a sniff smells like your favorite lap dancer, only time I smell my own dirty laundry, ha) and put it in a bag or stash it in the trunk for later retrieval. I also stop at a restroom on the way home and wash my face/hands (shaved head, so water goes all over head and back of neck).
• gk

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  14 years ago

  Your wife knows, so it's time to admit it. My take on it is that she wants to learm more or simply have it acknowledged. If she was going to bash you after learning about it, she would have already. So next time she drops the hints, be prepared to engage her in a quick. shallow conversation about strip clubs. Nothing defensive. No confession. Just the facts. This is your chance to spin the "news" in the best light for you. You need talking points for this. Here's what I suggest: 1. SCs are basically bars. 2. But they very common, very mainstream today. 2. Nearly every guy visits one sometime. 3. Me included. 4. It's harmless fun. 5. Girls dance on stage for tips. 6. It's an inducement to make guys drink more, that's their job. 7. Re: A lapdance? It's a fantasy sideshow, highly regulated by liquor laws. 8. Laws prohibit excessive nudity. 9. RE: Is there contact with dancers? No, that's also highly regulated. (BUT, by this time, you may have an idea of how informed she is so this point should be held back if she understands more reality.) 10. Preferable: You don't really know too many details about these businesses. 11. Bailout: It's all fantasy policed by bouncer goon types who would toss out anyhbody doing something bad. 12. It's a place where guys gather to watch football, baseball etc. 13. Sex? It's a bar with bouncers. There's probably more sex in taxi cabs. Good luck.
• steve229

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  14 years ago

  Shirt strategy, lol. Laughing with you, not at you. Reminds me of the time I had to change my clothes in my car to cover my tracks. Oh, the things we poor married guys go thru to enjoy our little hobby.
• vincemichaels

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  14 years ago

  Oh yeah, when you talk to her about this, make sure you have your athletic supporter with the cup on, just in case she kicks you in the balls. Seriously, you guys have my sympathies.
• jaxman5150

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  14 years ago

  Smack her around and start pimpin her out. That will shut her up. Tell her to get on her back and earn.
• rockie

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  14 years ago

  I'd keep $100 in the desk (no increase/no decrease and leave it there forever! She will look there in the future, whether she's on the strip club topic, or not. Find a new location for your stripper stash - under some insulation in a shitty wife aversive location. Do a better job with your laundry! Wet wipes are more efficient - Purely to clean your hands after pumping gas. Cop to a solo Mac's visit if the the subject keeps coming up, because maybe someone in your combined circle saw you there. If necessary, cop to another visit with a customer (who she doesn't know)in the past year at a second location. You've never mentioned the visits, because you struggle with being a responsible married father of four and strip club visits. Since you haven't "fucked" someone else. If that question comes up again - your answer is no, but you'd like to spend a little more quality time with your wife. Maybe a visit or two less and a donation to your wife of a little mad money, because money is not as tight as it has been for you and your wife. My wife wouldn't have issue with a perceived group visit, but certainly would struggle with a solo trip. The solo trip was based on curiosity about a place you've gone by so many times. Never underestimate your wife on a subject like this!
• lopaw

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  14 years ago

  I used to keep a small "de-stripclubing" kit in my car - alcohol wipes, gum, xtra t-shirt,etc. Worked great for those last minute touchups before heading home. It mysteriously disappeared one day a while back....I didn't ask, and she didn't tell. At least I don't have to worry about being kicked in the junk - although a good shot to the ovaries would sure hurt like hell.
• MisterGuy

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  14 years ago

  "7. Re: A lapdance? It's a fantasy sideshow, highly regulated by liquor laws. 8. Laws prohibit excessive nudity. 9. RE: Is there contact with dancers? No, that's also highly regulated. 13. Sex? It's a bar with bouncers. There's probably more sex in taxi cabs." The problem is that this isn't true everywhere in the country, particularly in New England, and the media has covered these issues before. I agree with others that you should be suspicious of what your wife knows mreef...good luck...
• georgmicrodong

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  14 years ago

  iopaw: "At least I don't have to worry about being kicked in the junk" According to my daughter, to whom it happened while playing football, it's not dissimilar. While I *suspect* it hurts more for men, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt for women.
• txtittyfan

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  14 years ago

  I would suggest you have her become more informed of the harmlessness of strip clubs by giving her a membership to TUSCL.
• lopaw

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  14 years ago

  georgmicrodong- Let's hope I never find out
• Clubber

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  14 years ago

  lopaw, If it should happen, let me be the first to volunteer to kiss the boo boo and make it all better! Remember, doctors may be male or female and the patient as well. :)
• curiousgeorgefun

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  14 years ago

  She knows something buts wants to belive "not my husband". Acting like it is no big deal or maybe she should strip? Haven't you learned anything from going to a sc? Or do you still believe strippers are interested in you not just your money. If she knew for sure, your ass would be in trouble. Don't admit nothing. Keep your story consistant and simple. Idea... buy her somthing from your stash money. That way you have a legit reason to stash money. "To suprise you dear with money you didn't know WE had". As far as your dream... dude are you feeling guilty? I bet you are. And your wife is picking up on it. Remember they are smarter thban we give em credit for. Stop for a while
• txtittyfan

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  14 years ago

  And there is always the possibility that since she is willing to have sex with these suspiscians, she may be more open to trying things to get you to rekindle your interest in her instead of a stripper.
• pop

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  14 years ago

  She may want to try one. Next time she brings it up ask her if she wants to check one out with you.
• lopaw

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  14 years ago

  LOL Thanx Clubber - always ready to take one for the team!