Do I have a strip club and/or sex addiction?
beeoch
Florida
Hi guys,
I am mostly a lurker here, but have been around for a while. Since you are a group of my peers. I pose the following question to y'all, as the title says am I addicted to the strip clubs?
This my get a little long, here goes: I am currently 44 yrs old been going to strip clubs since 1993 mostly in LA the first one was by LAX (Century Theatre the famous NUDE NUDES club).
I currently do the East St Louis clubs 3 or 4 times a year, I am informally boycotting the LA clubs as I feel the dance prices vs milage is a rip off.
During a 10+ year period of 1995 to about 2006, I was spending $1000-1500 month average at the clubs I do not drink so this is not for booze. I figure I have spent $200,000 or more in the clubs. When I was spending all this money I used to think one day you might need this money. Well one day has arrived with my income down by 75%. Thankfully I still make livable money and still have a 2-3 years worth of savings left.
I have cut down on my Las Vegas gambling by 90-95%. I lost over $200,000-$400,000 gambling over the years too.
I will eventually make good money again as soon as the economy picks up.
What got me started on this was that I counted the TUSCL top 100 clubs...I have been in 17 of them. Then I went to ZBone (a Los Angeles club sight) counted out of 111 clubs I have been to 37 of them. This does not count dozens of clubs in LA and thru out the US I have visited that are not on either list.
I check multiple Strip Club boards on a daily basis...and I am still spending on my E. St Louis trips $1000 on the clubs 3 times a year plus Airfare, car rental & hotel. Like I said I do not do local clubs too much anymore maybe spent $500 in LA this year.
Thanks for hearing this unknown lurker out, I am interested in some input.
Also on an unrelated topic, where does poster JudyJudy work? (City & Club) If I am going to spend money in the clubs she seems like a woman I would like to meet.
Thanks
Bee
I am mostly a lurker here, but have been around for a while. Since you are a group of my peers. I pose the following question to y'all, as the title says am I addicted to the strip clubs?
This my get a little long, here goes: I am currently 44 yrs old been going to strip clubs since 1993 mostly in LA the first one was by LAX (Century Theatre the famous NUDE NUDES club).
I currently do the East St Louis clubs 3 or 4 times a year, I am informally boycotting the LA clubs as I feel the dance prices vs milage is a rip off.
During a 10+ year period of 1995 to about 2006, I was spending $1000-1500 month average at the clubs I do not drink so this is not for booze. I figure I have spent $200,000 or more in the clubs. When I was spending all this money I used to think one day you might need this money. Well one day has arrived with my income down by 75%. Thankfully I still make livable money and still have a 2-3 years worth of savings left.
I have cut down on my Las Vegas gambling by 90-95%. I lost over $200,000-$400,000 gambling over the years too.
I will eventually make good money again as soon as the economy picks up.
What got me started on this was that I counted the TUSCL top 100 clubs...I have been in 17 of them. Then I went to ZBone (a Los Angeles club sight) counted out of 111 clubs I have been to 37 of them. This does not count dozens of clubs in LA and thru out the US I have visited that are not on either list.
I check multiple Strip Club boards on a daily basis...and I am still spending on my E. St Louis trips $1000 on the clubs 3 times a year plus Airfare, car rental & hotel. Like I said I do not do local clubs too much anymore maybe spent $500 in LA this year.
Thanks for hearing this unknown lurker out, I am interested in some input.
Also on an unrelated topic, where does poster JudyJudy work? (City & Club) If I am going to spend money in the clubs she seems like a woman I would like to meet.
Thanks
Bee
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43 comments
I read once that any fully developed hobby is actually an addiction. Yes, I would say you are addicted to strip clubs. But so what? If you enjoy your addiction, errr, hobby, more power to you.
East Saint Louis seems like a good place for a Strip Club Addict to spend time. I feel it is just about the best area in the country for the hobby, for several reasons.
Wonder if JudyJudy will tell you where she works. I doubt it. FOr one thing, I believe she works in a number of different places.
Give how much you spent, and that you probably also had a gambling addiction as well, I would bet (sorry bad joke) that it's at least 50% chance you had an addiction.
I'm surprised that you mention lack of LA club mileage. I've been clubbing here for quite a while and the mileage seems consistent. Might just me me, tho.
Have you tried the infamous COI clubs? Prices are decent, and mileage is off the charts.
And as much as I love TUSCL (and I do), zbone is my bible for clubbing - a must have for the LA/OC "hobbiest"!
lopaw,
You are comparing apples and oranges.
Yeah, I know. I want to offer info about LA clubbing, but I know that my experiences are often not the norm. What's a girl to do? ;)
In the future I will try to stay with just the facts' ma'am.
Addiction or foolish. I understand chemical dependency. I don't subscribe to the notion of behavioral addictions. OCD comes to mind there. Foolish to spend money and time you don't have.
Hiltonhead or ESL. Looks like I'll be making the trip around the end of January. Hope it don't snow.
You could always walk out to your car to later get your ATM/credit card and walk back inside but the time it takes to do that you might change your mind about it.
Good luck!
You could also try looking into therapy and taking medication but with the doctor visits and prescription co-pays it might get pricey and time consuming (although not as pricey as SC binges).
I first dismiss the idea of being addicted to strip clubs, it's like saying drug addicts are addicted to street corners. The question then will be what compells you to go to strip clubs, were you having sex with strippers or something else. I think O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive) can account for some of the tendencies people have toward strip clubs. I'd also believe O.C.D. is a function of addiction.
All I'd say is figure out what inside the strip club was providing the high or if it you felt compelled to be there. You would know better than anyone else.
As the song goes:
Lips are sweet as candy, the taste stays on my mind
Girl, you keep me thirsty for another cup of wine
I got it bad for you, girl but I don't need a cure
I'll just stay addicted and hope I can endure
In conclusion, you may be addicted, but we all may be as well.
But to what?
Maybe you're addicted to getting off and the strip club is just the enabler! The hobby is fun until you can't manage it's various components:
money, time, focus on other priorities, emotions, etc.
BTW, if you have any tips for the rest of us on how to make enough money that your income can drop by 75 percent and still leave you with enough money to shell out $2,000 to $2,500 for strip club vacations three or four times a year, I for one would be willing to hear it.
See my point? The question is, whether or not it prevents you from having a decent life otherwise.
I know I have "addiction"-type issues. I don't know if I want to really say that I AM addicted, but I don't want to lose the opportunity to learn and benefit from any potential counseling or research or intervention that might stem from sex-addiction therapies. So, I'm keeping my mind open.
Where strip clubs most detrimentally impact me, currently, are in the realms of friendship-type and romance-type relationships. I'm OK with my family (don't have wife / kids; but relations with siblings / cousins / parents / etc. are good) and my career (doing average to well in a high-caliber, selective professional program that will last another year and a half, at which point we'll see whether I do OK at the work place again).
But I'm doing DREADFUL with my romances. I haven't had a "real" girlfriend in over 6 years, plus I haven't EVER had a girlfriend with whom I had a "decent" sexual relationship, yet I'm now in my 40s and have "dated" longer-term over 10 women. I seem to pick the weirdos ... or, more accurately, I simply don't pick. They pick me. So I end up with either (a) long long long periods of NO options at all (I can't "move in" and "pick up" a girl, it doesn't work); or (b) women who are screwed up abot all sorts of weird things. I dated one girl who gagged and puked if I touched her below the neck (literally). I dated another who twice chose to over-dose on her Xanax, to the point that I was getting dragged down with her and so I moved on. When I broke up with her, I was indeed fearing that she might actually succeed at killing herself because I had ended our relationship, but, much to my surprise and chagrin, she got all better and didn't really have much suicidal tendency once she didn't have me as an audience. Harrumph. Also, I dated three different girls who simply decided they didn't want to fuck any more, and for some goddammed reason I IDIOTICALLY went along with it, continuing to "see" them as girlfriends, take them to holiday parties, put up with their lack of verve for life. These were "real" people, not children. They were in their 20s or 30s when I knew them. See what I mean, I'm really not getting the best of the bunch.
And another thing I used to do, but now I'm learning to get over it, is, I used to find a girl I really liked, who might also show some interest in me, and then I'd match-make for her, seeking out some male friend of mine of whom I told myself, "He'd be better for her than I would." This is heartbreaking, to look back on, not only because it actually WORKED that I managed to cause my dream-girl to hook up with another guy; but also because those hook-ups tended to lead to traumatic, troubled, turbulent relationships in which the women were victims of either abuse (physical or just emotional) or were victims of emotional disinterest and distress on the part of the men (the very guys with whom I had set them up!) to the point that the women became unnervingly unhappy and cruel to the guys, and by vicarious association, to me as well. What a great way to really eliminate any chance with your dream-girl: hook her up with a man who is REALLY bad for her, and then make SURE you are around to be blamed for it while he's beating her. Nice ...
OK, so, what does this have to do with strip clubbing? Well, on the strength of that sort of track record, I've found that I can avoid that crap (the crap I create) by never actually KNOWING the people I 'date.' So I get sexual services (of a sort) at strip clubs. Sometimes I get a fuck, sometimes just a look-see. But either way, it's pretty clear to any psychologist, what I'm doing is avoiding the kind of fuck-ups I used to get when I was younger. When she's giving me a lapper, least she's not gagging, right? heh ...
Consequently, a strip club is like a crutch for me. I use it because without it I'd be seriously hobbled. I'd never even LOOK at tits. But with it, I'm still lame. I can't walk on my own, and as long as I rely on the crutch of strip clubs, I don't actually learn to walk on my own. I can't. There's no chance for me to meet "real" potential partners. This breaks my heart.
I just saw "Up in the Air" (George Clooney is a professional fire-the-employee contractor). Pretty good movie. The female romantic lead is a stunner. She and Clooney have a "mature" relationship, a real Anthony and Cleopatra thing, where they're experienced enough too do away with the girlie-girl bullshit that prevents good sex from happening, where they can be free to bond. For real. (Actually, it's not the idea that THEY, the mature couple, are mature enough to bond; it's the idea that THE WOMAN ISN'T A PRINCESSY LITTLE PRISSY CUNT, which allows the couple to happily bond). Note: later in the movie it all goes haywire. But for the first part, before it's a plot-device-disaster, I saw what I COULD have had. There's a hot woman. Accomplished. Has a great body. Talks to men. Likes them. Enjoys sex.
I want that. Strip clubs prevent it.
But also, that character (in my imagination, and among the real women whom I've really met) wants a man who is taller than her. I'm under-tall. And she wants him to have hair on his head. I'm balding. And she wants him to make more money than her. But I'm an impoverished student. I don't see how to get over these hurdles. I'm stuck with "having" to go to strip clubs, forced there simply because that is my ONLY access to hot-enough women. Reality says, "You can't have a hot girl, you can't date a beautiful woman, you aren't one of the normal humans who are allowed to try to go out with each other. You're that person in Seinfeld is who 'not date-worthy material.' " So, I seek out fantasy instead.
Does that mean I'm addicted, or just normal?
In the future, you can do whatever the hell you wish, at least in my book.
me from across the room "WHAT?" "what did you say?"
she repeats up closer.
Then I passed her up as I suddenly felt a beer buzz and she said she wanted to leave right now.
smart? stupid? who was she? a dancer? Beats the hell out of me. I can't even remember what she looked like anymore. Am I addicted to strip clubs because I wanted the comfort of staying in a predictable situation and not go off drunk with a total stranger? Maybe I wasn't drunk. I did just down a few beers because they cut you off early several hours before the club closes. I don't remember hardly any random girls coming up to me out of the blue asking to go home with them as the first question they ask. However I do remember a couple of dancers did one night but they made it easy to say no because they said they wanted money too.
I might try spending some time at a regular sports bar.
You want to get laid - lie to them. Be the mysterious adventurer guy.
I also have had my collection of loser bitches full of addictions, car wrecking, and gold digging. I don't know if it is women or this culture.
I have stopped going to strip clubs. I figure I can be frustrated with money in my pocket as well as without money in my pocket. So I lurk here basically to flock with my own kind. I have come to accept it whether by choice or circumstance.
I will say I have been looking forward to a Vera Farmiga nude scene for a long long long time and finally got to see one!
So, my option for a real relationship is to find a woman close to my age---but those women have baggage and tend to be fat. And if they're not fat they're just older versions of the sub-25 year olds. They're not going to want me. And the fat ones disgust me.
It's not a BAD life. In the long run, it's less expensive than being married or maintaining a real relationship. And the sex is more exciting.
A better option that strip clubs(which will most always end in frustration) is to cultivate a relationship with an independent escort in your area. Craigslist, backpage.com, and cityview.com are all excellent places to look. Most in my area(Tampa) charge $250-$300/hr, which is comparable to what I usually spend on a SC visit.
It is funny how so many of the posters on this board look at women, before civilian and stripper, as nothing more than providing sex, and at the cost of money and time. Looking at it just that way, yeah, whores probably are a good deal, but could it be that there is more to women than that? The misogyny of many on this board, with their "all woman are ultimately whores" attitude is completely astounding.
1) BookGuy acknowledges that he is a real weirdo.
2) BookGuy thinks hot women suck, but he still wants to fuck them.
Actually this is the same as all of BookBuy's posts to this board, so mark this post in case you need a summary of future BookGuy posts.
This might be true where you live but here in Ohio law enforcement is cracking down a lot on this. It seems like every month there is a new story about someone being busted on craigslist or backpage. They not only go after the hookers they also go after the customers by posting fake escort ads. This pisses me off and is why I don't use these sites. I still look around on them though and occasionally find a stripper. I at least know next time I go to the club that she is willing to fuck for money.
1. I'm socially inept, in a very specific way. And I need to cure that problem.
2. One way to diagnose the problem is, to say I'm too nice. I've tried the "tough guy" (and, thank you Deogol, "lie") acts. They haven't yet worked for me. I bet we're all a little like that, here at TUSCL.
3. I use strip clubbing as a crutch. It's better than NO social outlet, but it also might be hampering my ability to actually cure the problem.
4. I want a relationship, and preferably with a woman who acts like the lead female character in "Up in the Air" or similar, at least the better parts of her from that movie.
-- tah dah, end of Cliff's Notes
Now, then, why didn't I just say that in the first place? :)
More and more though, I am putting the finger on today's culture for loneliness.
Just like the statistics, half my friends are now divorced and more then half poorer than before the divorce. Someone mentioned this attitude about women v money and when one sees the devastation to the one resource one needs to live in a capitalist economy - capital - you have to measure it. It is ridiculous not to. If there was a woman drinking up all the water - there wouldn't be one question about things. But that is going all the way to the marriage contract. One can certainly control costs in a regular or live-in arrangement. (If anything, the live in arrangement works out best financially - just have a wad tucked away for when it ends.)
Just like we are bombarded with images of what we "should want" in a woman everyday - so are the women of our society regarding men. Both of them are extreme and very unlikely. Call it the 1%'ers I guess. They build unrealistic expectations in everyone.
Masculinity in this culture is really becoming undefined. So a woman doesn't know a good man when she sees one I believe. We are portrayed as imbeciles in commercials, fools on TV, beasts in the news, gangsters and playboys in music. If one tries to be a provider, really one is just being taken advantage of by someone usually making the same amount of money these days. One might try to be the stable rock - but that is hard when jobs come and go, the society is becoming increasingly mobile, and frankly I think some of it's messages are driving women flat out crazy to contend with.
The strip club addiction definition has been developed by women to describe their husbands need to find companionship outside the marriage because they, the wives, don't give us what we need at home.
But I still want to BE ABLE to land a hot girlfriend. And then to do so semi-regularly. I want someone to make out with, cuddle with, and go to New Year's Eve parties with. That kind of thing. Plus the intellectual stimulation of a smokin'-hot brain wrapped up inside a smokin'-hot body. Can't get much of any of that with strippers.
An honorable mention to sc for his.
Book Guy----Landing a "hot" girlfriend is a difficult thing. If you're 40 and you want an intelligent, sexy, confident, interesting YOUNG hot woman----you better have lots of money or be ridiculously handsome. OR, you'd better be a charming, funny, intellectually stimulating guy. Being a 40 year old short balding guy starts you out with two strikes against. I know, because I'm a 39 year old guy who's 5'6" with a shaved head.
We all want the same women. We, as men, are visually stimulated. We want the beautiful, healthy, fertile young woman. But ALL of us want them. There are plenty of women who are eligible candidates, but they don't meet the physical standards WE hold them to.
So, you're faced with a choice. If you truly want the women who meet your physical standard then self-improvement is in order. Join a gym. Follow a strength training plan and get your diet in order. Get a tan. Women like tans. If you're balding, SHAVE YOUR HEAD. Takes you from wimpy male pattern baldness guy to bad ass MF. Seriously. If you're not dressing stylishly, step up your game. If you dress like you're in your 20s women see you differently. Old Navy is cheap.
But you could always lower your standards. Maybe a chubby woman is OK. Maybe she doesn't have to be physically perfect or have a beautiful face. Maybe she can be a 40 year old with some life experience. Character counts.
Nah. I think I'll keep chasing 22 year old crazy strippers. :-)