Things You Aren't Supposed to Say to a Stripper

1. Can you give me a lapdance after you finish with your dad? (I heard an interesting story at Houston Dolls recently).
2. Actually, I'm very religious. I don't want a lapdance, I'm just here to look.
3. Of course I still want a lapdance. I think it's cool you go to high school with my daughter.
4. Yeah, I'd love to meet your pimp later in the parking lot.
5. I'm not carrying a condom. Do you suppose we could trust each other?

1. The other dancer took all my money. 12)I'm sorry, did someone write "sucker" on my forehead?

1. I hate your nipple piercings (2 dancers)
2. I can feel your clit ring and do not like it.
3. Fuck the champagne room. Lets just go to my hotel.
4. Can I just slip it in for another $50.
5. Your tats look horrible.
6. Your boob job sucks.

I only come here 'cuz the DJ plays cool music... Do you smell fish? I hear trannies dance here...you're not one are you?

1. What is the name of that dancer over there. She is so much hotter than you.
2. Did you ever graduate from college? If not, then you are just not smart enough to entertain me.

1. Here's a dollar, go away
2. Your t-string (tampon) is hangin' out your g-string
3. Wow they let fat chicks work here
4. Damn it, skid-marks on my new pair of Dockers, its not an ass wipe
5. So if I go to champagne room will you promise to get a doctor to fix your boob-job?
6. Can I pay you in baseball cards? Roy Oswalt 2003 card should about cover this
7. Here's $15 for the dance not $20, I deducted for income taxes you dont pay
8. So do you ever shave your legs?
9. Do I have my finger up your pussy or ass right now?

Here's my favorite that guys have actually told me while I danced for them...

1. My wife is beautiful, my wife is beautiful
2. Sometimes I think about my daughter's best friend, I know she's only 14 but she looks so mature...
3. How much would it cost if all I wanted to do is have you pee on my leg?
4. I'm a plastic surgeon, do you want me to tell you what's wrong with your body?
5. Your ass is nice and round and bubbly and small, not like my niece's.

1. I'll buy some dances from you after I get drunk.
2. You look like someone who owns enough shares in a silicon/ink company to fund your college degree/retirement
3. I'm not tipping because I've already shot my wad.*

• Can be taken at least 2 different ways.

1. I assume, since you're a stripper, you were sexually abused growing up, right?
2. Now do you want me to pay cash, or can I just give you some drugs?

1. No, thanks. I already had fish for dinner.
2. If you spit, I'll deduct 20.
3. You remind me of my mother.

you guys are f***in' brutal--and hilarious.

THIS IS "MAYBE" THE BEST THREAD EVER.

Certainly more laughs than any other I have read. Congrats to all who contributed. Especially the stripper. Other strippers, please post ACTUAL dumb/hilarious things your customers have said to you. Great potential here.

43)Did you ask for my business card so you can pick that lettuce out of your teeth? 44)Do you have to take that cell phone call while I'm cumming?

I intended it to be purely informative. I mean, how else is a fella to know he's not supposed to tell a stripper he wants her to pee on his leg?

I'm sure this is going to help a lot of people.

45)got a problem if I follow you home later 46)is it okay if I reposition my cock 47)I think I just farted 48)Im a photographer is it okay if I take some pics of you 49)does your boyfriend know what you do

I regularly use ...

"30) I'll buy some dances from you after I get drunk"

... and had no idea it could be construed as offensive, until now.

Here's my contribution:

50.) Could you send a dancer over? (alternate) 51.) Yes, a Jack and Diet Coke please thanks. It's fine if you serve him first, I'm not in a rush. 52.) Yeah wasn't that dude in the other cell hilarious? You remember him don't you? 53.) Did you bring the used tampons like you promised? 54.) Been there done that got the t-shirt. How can you not remember me? 55.) Look, I was infected for at least a month after the last time we did that. Do you really want to keep sharing those things?

1. Damn it I lost my wallet, can I borrow $100 for these lap dancess
2. You must have really liked sex ed in school to choose this career
3. Last lap dance sis, Mom just called and said dinners ready
4. Anyone ever stuck a dollar bill up your pussy or ass "too far"?
5. If I give you another dollar could you get the DJ to play Free-bird
6. You really like my cock? I think yours is nice too
7. Stop tryin to talk while you're sucking cock, I can't understand a fucking word you're saying!
8. Are those hemorrhoids around your g-string?
9. Heaven's a nice name, did you mom name you that

1. do you sell Ecstasy,Viagra, condoms or mouth wash here?
2. could you douche first?
3. is your boy fiend a pimp or does he just look like it?

Here's a suggestion, given the success of this thread: How about asking Founder to set a "Question of the Week or Month" so we arent having to find this thread 20 pages back in a couple of weeks.

I don't know the exact question that the drunk at the tip rail asked, but the stripper said loud enough for me to hear: "No, Dipshit, my Momma did not name me Baby Doll"

LMFAO Chandler #38 and #39... EXCELLENT...

How about:

1. How many kids do you have? Oh, you don't, I mean, I just assumed, why is your stomach all saggy and looks like that then?

(I've wanted to ask that to dancers ALL the time...)

THE BEST ONE EVER:

#69.... WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD BE A STRIPPER?

1. What are you going to do when you're too old to dance?
2. Are those real?
3. I love you.

1. Your dances and extras are the best part of being undercover vice.

1. I promise I'll pull out...

1. I'm to drunk to go get cash out of the ATM. Would you take my card and go get me a few dollars, please? My PIN is *****. Oh, and take a couple of bucks for yourself for the help.

76b) Receipt? I don't need to stinkin' receipt!

77)Will you marry me? 78)I'm going to be stuck in valet parking. Could you give me $5 of the $200 I just gave you? (She did.) 79) Is it hard keeping the fathers' names straight? 80) You know, he was elected President.

1. Don't do that. It ruins the illusion.
2. You're not that chatty, are you?
3. Do you have a condom?
4. How many of these sodas do you have to sell?
5. The clubs in this town suck.