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• RonJax2

Big Tech has done amazing things for language learning. But, it's algorithms are even more prude than your High School Spanish teacher. If you're learning Spanish to communicate with the Mexicanas of Tijuana or the Cubanas of South Florida, you'll no doubt find that Google Translate, ChatGPT, or Duolingo come up short when it comes to expanding your mongering vocabulary.

If you're a beginner at Spanish, this guide will give you some phrases to memorize to help you better communicate with Spanish-speaking dancers. If you're an intermediate, this guide will expand your vocabulary, especially regarding explicit terminology for the club and the bedroom, where you're likely to be deficient. If you're an advanced Spanish speaker, I welcome your feedback in the comments. I'm still an intermediate Spanish learner myself!

In first edition of this guide, I focused solely on Tijuana and included phrases helpful for dealing with Taxistas, Viajeros, Meseros, and Recepcionistas. For the sake of brevity, I've eliminated much of the taxi, hotel, and restaurant banter from this edition. This version focuses deeper on conversing with dancers from the bar to the VIP room. It should be useful for both Tijuana enjoyers and those dealing with a Cubana invasion at a home club in the US.

Ready to bang some latina girls? Let's do it! / ¿Ustedes están listos para estrellarse algunas chicas latinas? ¡Hagámoslo!



##### Introductions / Las Introducciones #####

Pardon me, are you busy / Perdón, ¿estás ocupada?

Hi, would you like a drink? / Hola, ¿quieres tomar algo?
Want to have a beer with me? / ¿Quieres tomar una cerveza conmigo?
Can we spend some time together? / ¿Podemos pasar un rato juntos?

Please, sit down. I would love for you to join me. / Por favor, siéntate. Me encantaría que te unieras a mí.
No thanks, I'm not looking for company yet. / No gracias, todavía no busco compañía.
No thanks, maybe later / No gracias, tal vez más tarde

What's going on? / ¿Qué pasa?
How are you? / ¿Cómo estás?
How's it going for you? / ¿Cómo vas?
What's up? / ¿Qué tal? (This is more appropriate if you have already met her once before.)

What's your name? / ¿Cómo te llamas?
How do you write your name? / ¿Como se escribe tu nombre?
How do you spell your name? / ¿Como deletreas tu nombre?
I like your name, it's fun! / Me gusta tu nombre, ¡es divertido!

I'm Ron / Soy Ron
Nice to meet you / Mucho gusto [de conocerte]
Delighted [to meet you] / Encantado [de conocerte]

This is my wingman, Goose. Goose, meet Diamante / Este es mi compañero, Goose. Goose, te presento a Diamante

Do you speak English? / ¿Hablas inglés?

My Spanish is very bad / Mi español es muy malo
My Spanish is so bad it might cause a second pandemic! / ¡Mi Español es tan malo, pueda causar una segunda pandemia!
My Spanish is so bad that Mexico wants to build the wall! / ¡Mi Español es tan malo, México quiere construir el muro!
My vocabulary is small. I never remember how to conjugate a lot of verbs. And my fucking accent is horrible. / Mi vocabulario es pequeño. Nunca recuerdo cómo conjugar muchos verbos. Y mi pinche acento es horrible.

I've been learning Spanish for 2 years / Llevo dos años aprendiendo español
I'm learning to show respect for your country / Aprendo a mostrar respeto por tu país
I'm learning to show respect for American Spanish-speakers / Aprendo a mostrar respeto por los hispanohablantes estadounidense
I'm learning because I love meeting Cuban dancers / Aprendo porque me encanta conocer bailarinas cubanas



##### Getting to Know Her / Conociéndola ######

How old are you? / Cuántos años tienes?
I'm 39 years old / Tengo treinta y nueve años

How tall are you (without your long boots)? / Cuántos centímetros tienes (sin tus botas largas)?
I'm 5' 10" / Tengo ciento setenta y ocho centímetros

Where are you from? / ¿De dónde eres?
Really? I've never met a Cuban dancer before. What part of Cuba are you from? / ¿De verdad? Nunca antes había conocido a una bailarina cubana. ¿De qué parte de Cuba eres? 🤣
I'm from the U.S... / Soy de Estados Unidos...
...I was born in New York... / Nací en Nueva York...
...And I grew up in Los Angeles... / Y crecí en Los Ángeles...
...But now I live in San Diego... / Pero ahora vivo en San Diego.

📝Grammar Tip: Spanish speakers usually drop the subject from their sentences when a verb's conjugation makes the subject redundant. If you like, you can still explicitly use the subject for emphasis, and this is grammatically correct. (Yo soy de Estados Unidos, ¿De dónde eres tú?) But, you'll sound more fluid dropping the subject in most cases. (Soy de Estados Unidos, ¿De dónde eres?)

I'm... / Soy...
...a farmer / granjero
...an engineer / ingeniero
...a mechanic / mecánico
...a banker / banquero
...a business owner / empresario
...a scientist / científico
...an astronaut / astronauta
...a businessman / un hombre de negocios
...a restless traveler / un viajero inquieto

I'm... / Estoy...
...excited / emocionado
...very happy / muy feliz
...drunk / borracho
...tired / cansado
...married / casado
...nervous / nervioso
...horny / arrecho (Literally, "I'm bothered.")
...hard for you / al palo para ti

I'm... / Tengo...
...sleepy / sueño
...hungry / hambre
...sed / thirsty
...feeling a need to kiss you / ganas de besarte
...feeling a need to fuck you / ganas de cogerte
...feeling a need to smash you / ganas de estrellarte ("Estrellar" means "to star" or "to crash", but in this context means "to smash" or "to bang.")
...curious about getting dances with you / curiosidad por bailar contigo

📝Grammar Tip: Spanish has two verbs for "to be." Ser (Soy, Eres) is used for more permanent states of being, like your profession or physical characteristics. Estar (Estoy, Estás) is used for temporary states, like how you are feeling. To complicate matters, in Spanish the verb Tener (to have, as in Tengo, Tienes) is used to express physical needs, such as your primal need to smash that chica.

You're... / Eres...
...beautiful / hermosa
...TOO beautiful / demasiado hermosa
...hot / buena
...pretty / guapa
...cute / bonita
...fine / fina
...my favorite / mi favorita
...too expensive for me / demasiado cara para mí

📝Grammar Tip: Spanish adjectives are gendered. So, you, the male PL are hermoso, bueno, o borracho, and your dancer is hermosa, buena, o borracha.

I'm speechless, you look great / Estoy sin palabras, te ves muy bien
I love your cute outfit / Me encanta tu lindo atuendo
Your lingerie is very cute / Tu lencería es muy linda

What kind of music do you like? What's your band? / ¿Qué tipo de música te gusta? ¿Cuál es tu banda?

Do you like to travel? Where have you traveled? / ¿Te gusta viajar? ¿Dónde has viajado?

How long have you been a dancer? / ¿Cuánto tiempo llevas siendo bailarina exótica?
How long have you worked here? / ¿Cuanto tiempo has trabajado aquí?
Have you worked at other clubs in the region? Or only in this club? / ¿Has trabajado en otros clubes la región? ¿O sólo en este club?
What time will you finish work tonight? / ¿A qué hora terminarás de trabajar esta noche?
What time did you arrive today? / ¿A qué hora llegaste hoy?
Wow, what a long day! / ¡Guau, que día tan largo!
What time will you arrive tomorrow? / ¿A qué hora llegarás mañana?

What do you do in your free time? / ¿Qué haces en tu tiempo libre?
As for me, I like to... / A mi me gusta...
...to play video games / jugar videojuegos
...to play the guitar / tocar la guitarra
...to exercise / ejercitarme
...to visit strip clubs / visitar clubes de striptease
...to spend time with a beautiful girl like you / pasar tiempo con una chica hermosa como tú

You want to know about my family? I don't want to talk about my baggage. / ¿Quieres saber sobre mi familia? No quiero hablar de mi mochila. (Spanish speakers will use "backpack" metaphorically in the same way we might use "baggage." If you want to be abundantly clear you're speaking metaphorically, you could also say "mi mochila emocional.")

I'm just a bad boy and I'm looking for my bad bitch / Solo soy un bellaco y estoy buscando a mi bellaca (Bellaco/Bellaca literally mean miscreant or scoundrel, but in LatAm pop culture mean someone who is perpetually aroused and looking to party.)

A whore / Una puta (Like a lot of pejoratives, it's fine for her to tell you she's a puta, but you should avoid using this term for it's negative connotations.)

That bouncer is an asshole / Ese portero es pendejo

I don't want that fucking security guard to interrupt us / No quiero que ese pinche guardia de seguridad nos interrumpa

Which do you prefer... / ¿Cuál prefieres...
For me, I prefer... / Para mi, prefiero...
...the mountains or the beach? / la montaña o la playa?
...visiting the countryside or the city? / visitar al campo o a la ciudad?
...winter or summer? / invierno o verano?
...the east coast or the west coast? / la costa este o la costa oeste?
...weed or alcohol? / la mota o el alcohol?
...to go to a concert or a soccer game? / ir al concierto o ir al partido de fútbol?
...rock music or reggaeton? / la música rock o el reggaetón
...cowgirl position or missionary? / la posición cabalgando o el misionero

Tell me 'no' if you don't want to answer, but do you prefer... / Dime que 'no' si no quieres contestar, pero prefieres...
...Joe Biden or Donald Trump / Joe Biden o Donald Trump.

Which would you prefer... / ¿Cuál preferirías...
I would prefer... / Yo preferiría...
...to travel to Europe or the US? / viajar a Europa o Estados Unidos?
...to go on a surfing trip or a skiing vacation? / hacer un viaje de surf o unas vacaciones de esquí?
...to give oral sex or receive it? / dar sexo oral, o recibirlo?

Why not both? 69 is my favorite! / ¿Por qué no los dos? ¡Sesenta y nueve es mi favorito!

What's your favorite position? / ¿Cuál es tu posición favorita?

👉 Learning Technique: Each time you have a conversation in Spanish where you can't find the words, do the following. Make a mental note of the theme or topic that had you stumped. Later on, do some research and write a few paragraphs in Spanish about the topic you got stuck on. The next time the same conversation comes up, you'll have something to say.



##### Finding the Right Girl / Encontrar a la Chica Adecuada ######

Help me meet... / Ayúdame a conocer...
...a girl with big boobs / una chica con chi chis grandes
...a voluptuous woman / una mujer voluptuosa, una culona
...a spinner / una flaquita chiquita (Literally, a skinny little one)
...a fit girl / una chica en forma
...a blonde / una rubia
...a brunette / una morena
...a goth girl / una chica gótica
...a MILF / una MQMF
...a new girl / una chica nueva

Do you like... / ¿Te gusta..
I'm looking for a girl who likes... / Busco una chica que le guste...
...weed / la mota [MEX], la marihuana
...to kiss a lot / mucho besar
...to have bareback sex / tener sexo al pelo (Literally: on the hair. Like a horse with no saddle.)
...BBBJ / la mamada al pelo
...deepthroat / el sexo oral profundo
...anal sex / el sexo anal ("Greek / la griego" also works here.)
...backdoor action / la trastienda
...DATY / el buceo (literally, "diving")
...a threesome, foursome, or five way / el trio, el cuarteto, o el quinteto

Do you like... / ¿Te gustan...
I'm looking for a girl who likes... / Busco una chica que le gusten...
...a lot of kisses / muchos besos
...massages / los masajes
...foot rubs / los masajes en los pies
...other girls / otras chicas

📝Grammar Tip: Gustar is one of many Spanish verbs where the subject and object are inverted. "Me gustan los bailarinas mexicanas" literally translates to "Mexican dancers are pleasing to me" even though most translators would tell you this phrase means "I like Mexican dancers". When using Gustar, the verb agrees with the subject, which is the thing that is pleasing, not the person who is pleased. So, we use "Te gustan" to talk about plural things like foot rubs, while using "Te gusta" to talk about singular subjects like having anal sex. Other examples of Spanish verbs that follow this form include Encantar (to love), Interesar (to interest), Molestar (to bother), Parecer (to seem), Faltar (to lack) and Preocupar (to worry). Here's a few more examples to drive this point home:

* I like DATY / Me gusta el buceo
* I like you / Me gustas tú
* I like your toes / Me gustan tus dedos de los pies

📝Grammar Tip: Notice the subjunctive present tense of Gustar in the example "Busco una chica que le guste..." The subjunctive tenses are used to express hopes, dreams, doubts and uncertainties. In this case we use the subjunctive because we're talking about a hypothetical chica who might like anal. Many language learning programs won't teach you subjective tenses until you're much more advanced as you can still communicate effectively (albeit, incorrectly) without them. However, if you're a PL learning Spanish for the purposes of the club, you should embrace learning the subjunctive tenses. In the club, you'll be talking a lot about hopes, dreams, and uncertainties. Below are two sets of examples of the subjunctive tenses. The first three use the subjunctive present tense for the subordinate clauses, the second three employ the subjunctive imperfect.

* I want you to enjoy yourself / Quiero que disfrutes
* I hope we can do some dances / Espero que podamos hacer algunos bailes
* I hope I won't have to use the subjunctive today / Espero que no tenga usar el subjuntivo hoy

* If only you had subtitles, like on Netflix / Ojalá tuvieras subtítulos, como en Netflix
* I wish I had brought the weed with me / Ojalá tuviera la mota conmigo ahora
* If I had a million dollars, I would make you my sugar baby / Si tuviera un millón de dólares, te haría mi sugar baby

You aren't my type / No eres mi tipo
Thanks my lovely, but I'm going to meet other girls / Gracias corazón, pero voy a conocer otras chicas
I'm going to the bathroom, I'll find you later / Voy al baño, te encontraré más tarde
I'm going to take a walk through the club. See you later / Voy a dar una vuelta por el club. Hasta luego

Wait for me here, I'll be back / Espérame aquí, volveré
I'm not ready, not yet / No estoy listo, todavía no
I'm ready, let's go! / Estoy listo, ¡vamos!
Are you ready? / ¿Estás lista?
¡Vámonos! / Let's get out of here!



##### Do you understand? / ¿Entiendes? ######

I get it / Lo entiendo
I understand / Entiendo
I don't understand / No entiendo
I understand you / Te entiendo
Got it! / ¡Comprendo!
Understood, many thanks / Entendido, muchas gracias

Do you understand me? / ¿Me entiendes?
Am I saying this right? / ¿Lo estoy diciendo correctamente?

Definitely! / ¡Definitivamente!
Without a doubt! / ¡Sin duda!
That's right! / ¡Así es!
No, that's not right! / ¡Así no es!
I don't know! / ¡No sé!

Tell it to me again / Dímelo otra vez
Tell me again but slower/ Dime otra vez pero más despacio
Again, please / Otra vez, por favor
Sorry, I didn't get it. Tell me one more time / Lo siento, no lo entendí. Dime una vez más
Can you show me on Google Translate? / ¿Puedes mostrármelo en Google Translate?

I missed that / Eso me pasó
I misunderstood what you were saying / Entendí mal lo que decías

I'm looking for a girl who will be patient with my clumsy fucking attempts to speak Spanish. / Busco una chica que sea paciente con mis torpes, pinches intentos de hablar español.
I'm looking for a girl who will speak slowly, so we can get to know each other. / Busco una chica que hable despacio para que podamos conocernos.

What does 'la panocha' mean? / ¿Qué significa 'la panocha'?
How do you say 'the pussy' in Spanish / Cómo se dice 'the pussy' en Español?
How do you pronounce that word? / ¿Cómo se pronuncia esta palabra?

👉 Conversation Tip: Struggling to keep up with a fast talker? One tactic to keep the conversation alive is to just repeat the words you do understand, even if you missed the broader meaning. I've found I can get by for quite a while with this technique, so long as my own understanding of the conversation isn't essential. For example:

Her: Cuando era niño en la escuela, el maestro siempre estaba enojado conmigo, así que no me gustaba ir.
You: ¿El maestro?
Her: ¡Sí! Siempre era muy exigente y siempre me daba tarea extra.
You: ¿Tarea?
Her: Sí, por eso dejé la escuela, no fui a la universidad y me convertí en bailarina.
You: ¿Bailarina?
Her: Sí, llevo cinco años bailando y ya! Quieres un baile?
You: ¿Un baile? ¡Por supuesto!



##### Joking Around / Bromeando #####

Knowing a few cheesy jokes in Spanish is a great way to keep things light and fun. Here are a few that work for me:

Want to hear a bad joke? / ¿Quieres escuchar un mal chiste?
OK. Why are us gringos so good in school? / Bueno. ¿Por qué los gringos somos tan buenos en la escuela?
Because we kill ourselves studying! / ¡Porque nos matamos estudiando!

Want to hear another bad joke? Alright. / ¿Quieres escuchar otro mal chiste? Bueno.
In a U.N. meeting, a congresswoman asks a question: / En una reunión de la ONU, una congresista hace una pregunta:
"With honesty, what is your opinion about the shortage of food?" / "Con honestidad, ¿cuál es su opinión sobre la escasez de alimentos?"
Africa says: "What's food?" / África dice: "¿Qué son alimentos?"
The US says: "What's a shortage?" / Estados Unidos dice: "¿Qué es escasez?"
Mexico says: "What's honesty?" / México dice: "¿Qué es honestidad?"
And Cuba says: "What's an opinion?" / Y Cuba dice: "¿Qué es opinión?"

*** The Tocar Joke ***

This my favorite joke, which I've successfully tested in battle with Mexicanas and Cubanas. It's both funny and flirty if delivered right. The joke relies on that fact that in Spanish, you use the verb "tocar" (to touch) to talk about playing an instrument.

You: ¿Tocas algún instrumento?" / Do you play an instrument?
Her: En realidad no. Solía ​​tocar el violín cuando era joven. ¿Y tú? / Not really. I used to play the violin when I was younger. And you?
You (while sliding a hand up her leg): Sí. Toco la guitarra, el piano, el bajo, e a veces toco la batería. Pero lo que más me gusta tocar es una chica hermosísima como tú. / Yeah, I play the guitar, the piano, the bass, and sometimes the drums. But my favorite thing to play is a very beautiful girl like you.



##### Negotiations / Las Negociaciones #####

Do you want to go... / ¿Quieres ir...
...to the VIP room? / a la sala VIP? (In most places you'll pronounce this like "la sala BEEP." In Tijuana, chicas and meseros will say "la sala Bey Eee Pay".)
...do a private dance? / hacer un privado?
...to see the shaving cream show? / a ver el espectáculo de la espuma?
...to see the hot tub show? / a ver el espectáculo del jacuzzi?
...to find a table on the second or third floor? / a buscar una mesa al segundo o tercer piso?
...to the Miami room? / a la sala de Miami?
...upstairs / arriba?

Would you like to... / ¿Te gustaría...
...accompany me to dinner? / acompañarme a cenar?
...accompany me to my hotel room? / acompañarme a mi habitación de hotel?
...to suck my dick? / chuparme la verga?
...to play in the jacuzzi in my suite? / jugar en el jacuzzi de mi suite?
...tener sexo en la sala VIP? / to have sex in the VIP room?

How much? / ¿Cuánto?
For how long? / ¿Por cuánto tiempo?
How much for an hour? / ¿Cuánto por una hora?
And for two hours? / ¿Y por dos horas?
How much for the whole night? / ¿Cuánto cuesta toda la noche?

Is there a fee for the room? / ¿Hay una tarifa por la sala?
How much does the room cost? / ¿Cuánto cuesta la habitación? (Use 'la habitación' if you're talking about a hotel room. Use 'la sala' if you're talking about a VIP room.)
Is there a bar fine? / ¿Hay una multa del bar?
How much is the bar fine? / ¿Cuánto cuesta la multa del bar?
Can I prepay the bar fine? / ¿Puedo pagar por adelantado la multa del bar?
How much is a fair tip for you? / ¿Cuánto es una propina justa para ti?

How about if I pay you $200 for an hour? / ¿Qué tal si te pago doscientos dólares por una hora?
Tell me 'no' if that doesn't interest you. I won't be offended. / Dime 'no' si eso no te interesa. No me ofenderé.
I lack the money. I only have $100 bucks on me. / Me falta dinero. Sólo tengo cien dólares conmigo.
Are we in agreement? / ¿Estamos [de acuerdo]?

$100 / cien dólares
$120 / ciento veinte dólares
$200 / doscientos dólares
$240 / doscientos cuarenta dólares
$300 / trescientos dólares
$350 / trescientos cincuenta dólares
$400 / cuatrocientos dólares
$460 / cuatrocientos sesenta dólares
$500 / quinientos dólares
$580 / quinientos ochenta dólares
$1,000 / mil dólares



##### Dances & Foreplay / Bailar & Cachondear #####

Can I touch you here? / ¿Puedo tocarte aquí?
Is that ok? / ¿Eso está bien?
Is it ok? / ¿Está bien?
Are you ok? / ¿Estás bien?

Can I touch... / ¿Puedo tocar...
Can I rub... / ¿Puedo frotar...
Can I lick... / ¿Puedo lamer...
...your tits? / tus tetas?
...you boobs? / tus chi chis?
...your breasts? / tus pechos?
...your ass ?/ tu culo
...your pussy? / tu chocha?
...your vagina? / tu vagina?
...your cunt? / tu funciente [MEX], tu coño [SPN]
...your cunny? / tu panocha?
...your pussy? / tu pussy? (In my experience, this English loanword is what Spanish speaking sex workers will often use themselves. You'll pronounce it like "POO-see.")
...your clit? / tu campana? (Literally: bell), tu botón? (Literally: button)

There won't be a problem, I behave nicely, like Bad Bunny / No habrá problema, me porto bonito como Bad Bunny
Seriously, your consent is important to me, and it's also important you feel comfortable and safe / En serio, tu consentimiento es muy importante para mí y también es importante que estás cómoda y eres segura.

Dance for me! / ¡Baila para mi!
Will you dance for me? / ¿Bailarás para mi?
Would you dance for me? / ¿Bailarías para mi?

Me provocas, me encanta / You're turning me on, I love it
A tip, for you / Una propina, para ti

I want to see a pole dance / Quiero ver un baile de barra
Give me a lap dance, please / Dame un baile de regazo, por favor

I can't wait to fuck you later / No puedo esperar para cogerte más tarde

Come here, beautiful / Ven acá, guapa
Give me a little kiss right here / Dame un besito aquí
I want to kiss you / Quiero besarte
I feel like kissing you / Tengo ganas de besarte
Kiss me! / ¡Bésame!



##### Having Sex / Tener Sexo #####

To fuck / Coger
Let's fuck! / ¡Cojamos!
Have we fucked each other before? / ¿Nos hemos cogido antes?

With a condom or bareback? / ¿Con condón o al pelo?
Do you have a condom on you? / ¿Tienes un condón contigo?

Vamos... / Let's go...
...to the shower / a la ducha
...in the jacuzzi / al jacuzzi
...to the bed / a la cama

Take off your... / Quítate...
Pull down your... / Bájate...
...top / la blusa
...shirt / la camisa
...panties / la panty
...bra / el sostén
...your underwear / la ropa interior
...all of your clothes / todas las ropas

Sit down here / Siéntate aquí
Lie down on the bed / Acuéstate en la cama
Stick out your tongue / Saca la lengua
Open your legs / Abre las piernas
Let me see it, turn around / Déjame verlo, date la vuelta

Can I pull your hair? / ¿Puedo jalarte del pelo?
Can I spank your ass? / ¿Puedo azotarte el culo?
Will you spank my ass? / ¿Me azotarás el culo?

Grab my... / Agárrame...
Suck my... / Chúpame...
Touch my... / Tócame...
...package / el paquete
...balls / los huevos
...nipples / los penzones
...piece / el pedazo
...dick / el pito
...cock / la verga

Jack me off / Masturbame

Slower! / ¡Más lento!
Faster! / ¡Más rápido!
Harder! / ¡Más fuerte!

I like it / Me gusta
I don't like it! / ¡No me gusta!
That's hot! / ¡Buena!
That's what it's all about! / ¡De eso se trata!

I want to fuck you already / Quiero cogerte ya

Let's switch! / ¡Cambiemos! (Useful for changing positions, or for changing partners in a trio!)

I'd like to try... / Quisiera probar...
...a hand job / la paja
...a BJ / una mamada
...missionary / misionero
...doggy-style / la adoración
...cowgirl / cabalgando
...reverse cowgirl / cabalgando hacia atrás
...both knees up / la defensa amorosa
...both legs up / el candelabro
...the spoon / en caja
...Russian / la puñeta rusa [MEX], la paja rusa
...DATY / el buceo
...a finger in the butt / la espada de Carlomagno (Literally, "the sword of Charlemange!" You might want to specify: para mi o para ti.)

I want to put it in your ass bareback, is that OK? / Quiero meterlo al pelo en tu culito, ¿está bien? (Please, send me a DM if this actually works for you.)

I want you to swallow my cum / Quiero que te tragues la leche
I want to cum... / Quiero darte la leche...
...on your tits / en las tetas
...in your mouth / en la boca
...on your face / en la cara
...on your stomach / encima del estómago
...on your ass / encima del culo

Oh my god, I'm gonna cum! / ¡Carajo, me estoy por llegar!
Don't stop! I'm almost there! / ¡No pares! ¡Casi mi vengo!
I'm cuming! / ¡Mi vengo!
I came / Mi vine
Did you cum? / ¿Te veniste?

How much for another half hour? / ¿Cuánto por otra media hora?

Quiero agradecerte por una noche estupenda. Siempre me acordaré de esta noche. / I want to thank you for a wonderful evening. I will always remember this night.



##### Keeping in Touch / Mantenerse en Contacto #####

Can I send you a text the next time I'm in town? / ¿Puedo enviarte un mensaje la próxima vez que esté en la ciudad?
Would you be comfortable giving me your phone number? / ¿Te sentirías cómodo dándome tu número de teléfono?
What's your WhatsApp number? / ¿Cuál es tu número de WhatsApp?
What's your Instagram? / ¿Cuál es tu Instagram?


*** Useful Texting Abbreviations / Abreviaturas Útiles Para Mensajes ***

k (also q) / Qué? / What?
ows / ¡Que lindo! / How very nice!
tkm (also tqm) / Te quiero mucho / I love you very much
wno / Bueno / Okay
bs / Besos / Kisses
xfa / Por favor / Please
vdd / ¿Verdad? / Really?
no c / No sé / I don't know
dnd / De nada / You’re welcome



##### Useful Mexican Slang / Jerga Mexicana Útil #####

What's up, dude! / Qué onda, güey! ("Güey" is Mexican slang that's kind of like "dude", except it doesn't carry the masculine connotation, so you can call familiar chicas "Güey".)

Later! / Ahorita! (Literally "right now", but Mexicans will use "ahorita" to mean "whenever I get around to it, maybe never." Say this, with a wave of the hand, to that mesero who won't quit bugging you for food orders. Or also to that random chica asking you for propinas.)

No way, really? / ¡No manches!

Chill out! / ¡Tranquilo!

Are you fucking kidding me? / ¡No mames! (Literally, "Don't suck!" This is something to say to someone trying to pull a fast one on you, like a chica overcharging you, or a mesero picking up a ficha before the chica is done.)

To fuck / Chingar (This verb is ubuiquitous in Mexico. However, as a gringo you should be careful with it, as it has rapey, colonialist vibes. More here: https://www.speakinglatino.com/verbo-chi…)
What the fuck! / ¡Que chingando!
Fuck that waiter! / ¡A la chingada con ese mesero!



##### Useful Cuban Slang / Jerga Cubana Útil #####

To fuck / Singar
Let's fuck / Singamos
Let's fuck right here! / ¡Aquí singamos!

Un chivato / A snitch, An informant
Check out that dude at the bar, think he's a snitch? / Mira a ese tipo en el bar, ¿crees que es un chivato?

US Dollars / Fulas
How many dollars do you charge per hour? / ¿Cuántos fulas cobras por hora?

To enjoy an evening, especially dancing / Guarachar
We're going to have fun doing dances all night / Vamos a guarachar toda la noche



##### Three Tips on Pronunciation / Tres Consejos Sobre la Pronunciación #####

I wanted to offer three tips on pronunciation that may be particularly helpful to beginner and intermediate Spanish speakers. Though pronunciation a complicated topic, these are of three most useful tips I've found on my learning journey.


*** Las Letras 'R' y 'RR' ***

Most consonants in Spanish sound fairly similar to their English counterparts. The letter 'R' is a big exception.

In English, our 'R' is gutural, the tongue stays on the floor of the mouth. Try it by saying ARRRR like a pirate. Notice that your tongue is not a part of the action when you make this sound.

In Spanish, the tip of your tongue should touch the roof of your mouth just in behind the teeth when you say the letter 'R'. It's almost more like saying the letter 'D' in English. Try pronouncing these words out loud, but replace the Rs with Ds: hablar, escuchar, y decir -> hablad, eschuchad y decid. You're sounding better already, right?

Practice by repeating slowly phrases with the R sound in them, such as "Preferirías esa refrigerador?"

Let's make things more complicated. When an 'R' is at the beginning of the word, or there's a double r, the sound is rolled. To make this sound, place your tongue on the roof of your mouth, while making an "uhh" sound and exhaling rapidly causing your tongue to buzz against your palette. Practice this sound frequently by buzzing some "rrrrrrr" sounds as you're driving around town. Or practice a tongue twister with lots of /rr/s: "Ron corre rapidamente a trevés el ferrocarrill."

If you're still puzzled, plug one of the tongue twisters above into Google Translate. Hit play to hear how it sounds in Spanish, then see if you can reproduce the sounds.


*** Las Letras 'B' y 'V' ***

In Spanish, these letters are said the same way, they are virtually interchangeable, and you should pronounce them both like the English 'B' but just slightly softer. "Vanessa, vamos a Valencia" should be pronounced like "Banessa, bamos a Balencia."

If stick with making all the 'V's sound like 'B's, you'll sound great. But if you want to sound just a little bit more authentic, you can do this: soften the sounds of 'V's or 'B's in middle of words when they are surrounded by vowels. Don't soften it these B/Vs totally to a V, but just a little bit softer like adding an 'F' in the pronunciation. Some examples:

Vocabulario -> Bocabfulario
Vivir -> Bibfir
Beber -> Bebfer


*** Emphasis ***

Good news, the rules on which syllable to emphasize in Spanish in a word are pretty simple, certainly simpler than in English.

In general, stress is usually placed in the second-to-last syllable in a word. There are two exceptions:
* If a word ends in a consonant other than n or s, the stress is on the last syllable.
* If there is a written accent, the stress is where the accent is.

In reality, you're not going to want to be evaluating these rules on the fly when trying to have a conversation. Lots of practice listening is the solution to ensuring you emphasize the right syllables as you're speaking.

For more on Spanish pronunciation, see this excellent online guide with audio examples: https://lingvist.com/course/learn-spanis…



##### Additional Resources / Los Recursos Adicionales #####

Want to learn more? Here are some other resources for bolstering your mongering Spanish.


*** AI Powered Learning ***

Other than the problem of algorithmic censorship, it turns out that language-learning models are actually really good at teaching languages. There are two options worth trying:

* Duolingo Max: Extends Duolingo to offer personalized feedback and capabilities for roleplay. Very effective, but also quite expensive, it costs about $170 / year, on top of a Duolingo subscription that already costs around $90 / year.

* ChatGPT: You could spend hours just talking to "Guppy" about any topic you like in Español, then ask it to point out your mistakes and offer clarifications. ChatGPT is also really good at role playing. And it has the virtue of being free. (Though you may want to pony up for premium access at $20/month.)

Here's a prompt you could give ChatGPT to practice your conversational skills with a Mexican bar girl: Guppy, quiero jugar juegos de roles contigo. Finja que seas una mujer joven de Guadalajara que le guste el reggaetón, y imagina que conozcamos en un bar en Tijuana. ¿Estás lista? / Guppy, I want to play role playing games with you. Pretend that you're a young woman from Guadalajara who likes reggaeton, and imagine that we meet at a bar in Tijuana. Are you ready?

Just keep it PG so you don't get scolded by the nanny algorithms.


*** Books ***

* Dirty Spanish by Juan Caballero. A useful resource for Dirty Spanish across the globe. (H/T to @PutaTester for first recommending this book to me.)

* Cabo Bob's Definitive Mexican Slang 101. A great resource for the Tijuana enjoyer.


*** Media ***

* Music is a great way to bolster your dirty Spanish. Artists I would recommend listening to include Bad Bunny, Karol G, Peso Pluma, and most importantly Tokischa. Tokischa, a Dominican reggaeton and latina trap artist, writes lyrics so explicit it makes Cardi B blush.

* TV is another great way to learn jargon and other dirty words. Check out Narcos, Narcos Mexico, El Chapo, and the series Somos, all on Netflix. Make sure to turn on Spanish subtitles before you watch!


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