What makes a good strip-club review
Pussylicker2
Ohio
Regulars can benefit from timely updates about the club, a favorite dancer has returned, prices and/or policies have changed, there's a halloween party, etc. I'll approve a review that gives only a little information if said information is actionable and timely, in other words, if it's useful.
First timers need more general information upon which they can make a decision about going. A first timer may want to know:
1) Is there mandatory valet parking? Personally I'll never let anyone other than my mechanic drive my vehicle. I don't mind paying to park, but there is no legitimate reason for "mandatory" valet parking. I've heard of clubs demanding your car keys even if you park off their property. The only reason for this is so they can hold your keys hostage. They can do that if a dancer insists you owe her money. There's nothing you can do about it.
2) Is there smoking allowed? Some mongers are addicted to tobacco and must smoke, others don't like smelling like an ash tray.
3) Is there food available? Reading "Bogarts has excellent, reasonably priced food" lets a monger know he can skip dinner and go straight to the club.
4) Is there a cover charge, and how much? This is something I'd like to know. "Bogarts has $5 cover charged, waived for veterans" isn't too important, but a $40 cover charge is.
5) Do they scan your ID? I'll never let some goon at the door scan my ID, even if I've already paid for parking.
6) What are drink prices? We don't need a complete menu, but "bottled water is $10" or "bottled water is $2" makes a difference.
7) Is the club and neighborhood safe? No one wants to be rolled.
8) What is the racial make-up? You may not want to be the only white guy in a club.
9) What kind of entertainment is available? At some clubs all you can do is look from a distance. At others blow jobs and hand jobs are available at the bar or your table (for those of us who aren't shy). Most clubs fall in between these extremes. (I've actually fucked bare back at the bar when it was crowded, but I didn't include it in my review). Are table-side dances available? How much do they cost? What kind of action can you get table/bar side? You want to be careful when describing the action. Don't mention a girls name in conjunction with any kind of activity. Her mom and/or boyfriend may be monitoring the forum. Don't say "every dancer there will suck you off in the VIP", because the local police or concerned citizens may read about it. Saying "we discussed billy joel, and I left satisfied" is all we need to see. Saying "I had fun in the VIP" says nothing. What you call fun might not be fun for others. What's the break down of private activities?
10) Are private dances pre-pay to the bar? The dancer can promise to fuck your brains out, lick your asshole and let you pee in her mouth in the VIP, which you have to pre-pay, but if all she does is sit fully dressed and tell you about her problems, what can you do? Take your lumps, that's what you can do. And saying a certain dancer didn't provide good service after you pre-paid doesn't help much because that's what happens when you pre-pay.
11) Is there a bathroom troll and what is the condition of the bathroom? I don't care, but some guys do.
12) Do the charge for a seat? Some clubs like to nickel and dime you to death, pay to park, pay cover, pay to sit at a table, pay to go to the VIP each trip, perhaps each song. I like to know if it's a club that charges for everything like some clubs do. I avoid those clubs; others may not mind.
13) Overall quality and quantity of the dancers is important, of course.
Telling us that you got out of a meeting and had time to kill isn't useful information.
Telling us what kind of girls you like, what game you were watching on TV isn't useful.
Saying the bar is on the right, the bathrooms are in the back won't help anyone decide if he should visit the club. Who cares? Those may be details, but they aren't details that matter.
Just think about who you're review is for, an old regular and/or a first-timer, and only include information that is useful to one of both groups of readers.
And of course, having good spelling and grammar makes a review easier to read. Use complete sentences. USE PARAGRAPHS! I'm a dumb hillbilly, I can't write very well unless I PROOF-READ! It isn't hard, and it's courteous to readers.
Adjudicators
PutaTester
I like it. Thanks for taking the time. So many recent reviews are just a few useless sentences.
Note to reviewers of unpublished reviews: I typically review only reviews for clubs that I have been to. However, I sometimes review and approve for publication for clubs that I have not been to because they are well written, fun to read, about a club that I am likely to visit, or very informative including much of what is described in this article.
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20 comments
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If you're gonna say Billy Joel you might as well say Blow Job or BJ; just dont link it to specific girls or the whole club. Authorities aren't stupid; they know the slang. I always try to end my review letting people know they can PM for details. Then if the person that PMs me has been an active member of the site [reviews, comments,etc] then I will go into detail.
Never dealt with 5 at a strip club, but it's regular practice at many casinos.
Never been at a club that did 10 either, but most of my club experience is Michigan and Canada. If the club doesn't require pre-pay like this; then never pre-pay a dancer unless you have reliable intel that she isn't gonna be a ROB.
Those are all good points that should be in a review. I will probably come back to this article before I write up a review and try to cover these points.
Good article
What's been interesting is when I get back there and the first thing she does is say I have to pre-pay. I say no, this isn't going to work, and I walk out without giving her a dime. She comes out and says "he didn't pay", and I say "I didn't get a dance".
Smoking can be huge. If you have a SO, and you don't smoke, coming home smelling like smoke can be a deal breaker.
I don't trust information on the home page, it may be accurate and it may not be. Who knows when that information was posted, and by who. You know who wrote a review and when. I tried to figure out how to get the home page corrected but I was unable to figure it out. Perhaps you can explain the "simple process".
As for your example of Imperial Showgirls, yes, I need more information than that. What am I supposed to to with my piece when I go in the bar? If there is mandatory valet I can't leave it in my car, if there is a pat down I can't take it in with me. I'm one of those bastards who needs to know.
By the way what do you do with your piece when you go to a syrip club?
More than that, I strongly disagree with the notion that to provide value (to either a regular or someone new to the area), every single review needs to be a self-contained tome on every checkbox detail of the club. If there's a review or two that state dance prices and drink prices, there's absolutely no reason to repeat those. Instead, I value the Trip Report style reviews. Knowing that Porsche the thicc white girl is a ROB, but Jade the slim Asian girl with the dimples rocked your world (without giving details that would get her in trouble), is far more useful information than yet another by-rote recitation of the shape of the bar, location of the bathroom, cost of drinks, types of dances... as long as those things are listed in a previous recent review.
NO ONE decides to go to a club based on reading one single review, they read a bunch of reviews for the club(s) they're interested in. As a result, no one single review has to be a self-contained description of every detail. And since the GIRLS are the star of the show, giving some firsthand insight into some of them, is a huge value.
When judging a review to approve or reject it, I don't know if previous reviews listed all the important details such as prices. If I were to take the time to look at prior reviews for the club, by the time I clicked "approve" or "reject" I'd get the message "review is no longer unpublished" (I've gotten that a lot because I often read reviews twice, and I take my time). Some details like "the bar is on the left" are not useful.
Reviews with no useful information are a waste of storage. Imagine you're in town, you'd like to hit up a club but you want to know what it will cost. You have to read 5 reviews before you find out. Then you have to do that for each club that's not too far away.
I read your lastest review of Spearmint Rhino in San Jose (2018), and even though you didn't mention a single price, it did have some useful information. I would have probably approved it, largely because it was written well. (You'd be amazed at the lack of written communication skills of some people).
The problem with details about the girls is you never know when the hotties will be there. A club not too far from me has 21 year old twins who are hot, very hot. One day they brought their cousin, who was a solud 9. But, you never know when they'll show up.
We all have our opinions, thanks for sharing yours!
That's okay, I'm proposing the standard of "if there's fundamentally interesting information in this review, approve it, even if it doesn't include every detail".
"Imagine you're in town, you'd like to hit up a club but you want to know what it will cost. "
On the other hand, imagine you're in town and you want some insider knowledge on which girls to avoid or which to definitely get dances from if she happens to be there. Especially if there's 20 other reviews saying what drinks cost, and even if there aren't, as scrub pointed out, it's right there in the club description. Different people are looking for different things in reviews. The notion that everyone is making their decision based on drink prices is very misguided
"You have to read 5 reviews before you find out"
That's okay -- EVERYONE reads multiple reviews anyway. I mean, they have a tuscl VIP membership, they pick out ONE review, read it, and are like "the drinks are $5? Sold!" without scrolling down the page to see a single other review? No one does that. EVERYONE reads multiple reviews on a club they're interested in. There is absolutely no value in trying to force every single review to be complete IMO (although oddly, details about the girls are not considered part of completeness??)
You're right, you never know which girls will be at the club. But if the review culture was to include details on girls, including a basic description so that you know that slim Asian Jade that I liked is not thicc white Jade, you'd at least have some important g-2 if a girl mentioned in a review DOES show up. Versus every single review mentioning drink prices -- useless waste of pixels.
Anyway, if the description of the club is interesting, whether it's the girls or the drink prices or both, it's a valuable review IMO.
Your view is the dominant view on tuscl though, I admit I'm in the minority.
Review need not be a Papi dissertation, but more like my reviews, or other contributors like rick dugan, shadowcat, etal, vs a min effort review put forth to obtain VIP status.
As for customizing review for local regulars: What is stopping you from going the PM route, posting on club DB, or starting your own local blog ? Re-read founders guidelines.
An increasing number of reviews are just plain BS that someone has put together to get free VIP access. No point in critiquing them on the content because they just don't care. Same goes for the articles. If Founder were to go back to a paywall on the reviews you'd see the review quality go up.