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kisow

Southeast USA

The rules and norms are different in every locale, but we've all experienced it... the bad lap dance. She didn't make eye contact. She seemed checked out. Maybe she was even chewing gum and thinking about taking care of that pile of laundry back home. Her actions were mechanical. The last thing on her mind was taking care of you or building a connection.

No lap dance at all is better than a bad lap dance. A good lap dance can be low- or high-mileage. An air dance can be a good lap dance.

The thing that all good lap dances have in common is that they provide the connection that we crave as primates. Studies have shown that this connection, through physical contact or even eye contact, increase the body's production and use of oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that reduces feelings of stress, helps one feel relaxed, and generates feelings of social connection and bonding with others.

In order to better understand how to have a good, oxytocin-rich LD experience and higher mileage, let's break a lap dance down into each phase from start to finish.

Phases of a Lap Dance:
1. Before Going to the Club
2. Approach, Small Talk, and Negotiation
3. Dance
4. Follow Up

1. Before Going to the Club:
Hygiene: Would you want to hug a woman with terrible body odor? No. The reverse holds true. Good hygiene is a must. You should be freshly showered. Wear antiperspirant and deodorant. Brush your teeth and use mouth wash. Be freshly shaved if you don't have facial hair; a smooth face feels better than a rough face. If you do have facial hair, make sure it looks neatly trimmed and deliberate.

Dress: Look like a man and not a little boy. Leave the shorts at home. Wear a collared shirt such as a polo or button-down. If you must wear a t-shirt, choose a solid color. Think of the dancer's comfort and try to avoid belts or jeans with rivets.

Time: Give yourself ample time to get ready and arrive. This is a night for fun and relaxation. Don't stress getting out the door at a certain hour.

2. Approach, Small Talk, and Negotiation
Congrats. You're in the club, you grabbed a drink, and now you've found a seat watching the stage. You're taking your time to watch the show, see the club dynamic, and get a feel for the ladies' energy and looks.

Energy is important. A dancer might be the most beautiful, sexy woman in the world; however, if she's visibly tired, arguing with someone, or frowning, she will not be in a good mood and won't be good company. Look for smiles, laughter, and open body language.

There are two methods of approach: she comes to you, or you come to her. Both are fine if you handle them the right way.

Some women open with the hard sell. "You wanna lap dance? X songs for $$." Reject these women. They're focused on maximizing profit and minimizing time. More power to them for their hustle, but you won't have nearly as much fun as with someone you've gotten to know a little bit. Look for women who open more organically and take a seat to talk with you.

The alternative approach is... to approach. Maybe a dancer caught your eye for her looks, her figure, or her stage routine. Open with a warm smile, a greeting, and a situational observation, e.g. "That was a great set," "I just had to say your makeup looks great. I can tell you put some time into getting ready tonight," etc.

Regardless of who approached whom, at this point, you're getting to know each other. Never rush for the dance.

Small talk has nothing to do with what you're actually talking about; it has everything to do with projecting positive feelings, showing interest, and communicating that you're not a goober. The reverse holds true as well: you should be evaluating her and, if you're not feeling it, be prepared to gracefully end the conversation.

If all signals are GO, then either you or her will say, "How about we head to the lap dance area?" Before you go, discuss upfront what the money and expectations will be. Be explicit about how many dances to which you are agreeing. If you don't specify, you run the risk of her chaining dances on you while your happy ass ignores the changes in songs. Don't get caught with unexpected charges at the end.

3. Dance
Smile! Don't look like a starving predator on the Serengeti. Try placing your hands on her outer thighs. If she's comfortable with touching, you're good. If she moves your hands away or says, "No touching," then respect her boundaries (and possibly the legal requirements of your locale).

4. Follow Up
She's sitting on your lap and proposes more dances. Maybe you want them or not.

If you do want more dances or VIP, just remember your budget and don't over-commit. All the oxytocin and good vibes in the world won't make you feel good twenty minutes after leaving the club and finding yourself broke.

If you don't want more dances, politely decline. "I'm good for now, but thanks so much and have a good night." Compliment her if she earned it -- you're building social capital, and it costs nothing. Exit gracefully, maybe hug if the vibe is there, and find a seat again. Wash, rinse, and repeat.

Sources
Salamon, Maureen. "11 Interesting Effects of Oxytocin." https://www.livescience.com/35219-11-eff…

Adjudicators

DickyDoo2

herbtcat

It's a little too generic for me, and misses the nuances of certain types of clubs. There are also some claims about dress code that will not apply across all club types and/or the 'personal objectives' of the customer. But these can be discussed through reader comments. So, yes. Approved.

Tetradon

minnow

Not an Original Article

rugrat