What I Wish I knew about Lap Dances

4/19/2021 4:08:04 PM

The first time I went to a nude strip club I was not sure what to expect. If I had known a little more and had a better idea what to spend and what questions to ask, I would have had a much better time. This is what I wish I had known when I saw the flyer that said the local topless club was now bottomless too and decided to check out the new format.

Nude clubs offer more than a typical bikini bar or pastie bar will. Local laws often limit what a club can do. Most clubs probably would do more if they could.

I sat down at the first table I saw and did my best to enjoy the view. After each dance, the dancers walked around the back of the room, expecting tips. "It pays to be up front," they said. The DJ and bartender came around for tips too.

They were right. There was room up there. I spent more when I sat up front, but I saw a lot more more. I probably spent three times as much but I saw four or five times as much. And the other employees left the people sitting up at the tables alone. It seemed like they concentrated on hassling the people they thought were trying to see as much as possible while spending as little as possible.

On my first visit, I spent no more than $60. That was because somehow, before I left, no one said anything about lap dances.

I suppose on my first visit, the novelty of seeing several women strip naked and bend over or spread their legs to give a good look was enough. But having one of them strip naked and grind on me for a few minutes would have been more fun.

On my second visit, I found a table with an empty front row seat and sat down. The first few dancers went like my first visit. I tipped them somewhere between $2 and $4 per song, depending on how much I wanted to see. Two or three of them gave me mini-laps on my last tip. I liked the fifth dancer so I tipped her at least $4. As she was collecting the last of the tips at the end of the song, she came up to me. "Would you like a lap dance?" she asked.

She explained the rules. She would strip down to her panties and grind for the duration of one song. I could touch, but my hands had to stay above her waist, and I could not use my mouth. When I agreed to the rules, she stripped down and we made small talk until the start of the next song.

Knowing the rules is essential, and they vary. When I visited a club in another city and got a dance, the dancer thrust her tit in my mouth. I pulled away and I think that took her aback until she realized I was used to different rules. "You can have some," she said. Following the rules keeps you from getting kicked out. But the rules also tell you what you CAN do, and if you do those things, you will have a better time.

The first club I visited was strictly topless lap dances. I was too shy to ask in the new city if they did nude lap dances, but I did manage to ask her what she would wear during the dance. She said she had to keep her panties on, so she knew where I was going with the question. I asked he she could flash me during the dance and she said she could get away with that.

Today you can check online and get a good idea what a club offers. If you are interested in a nude lap dance, look for a club that offers one. Some state or local laws limit what the dancers can do. Some may not permit them at all, and some may require the dancer to wear a bikini. A topless dance may be the default and you may have to ask for nude, and if the dancer thinks you might be a cop or an informant, that will limit what she offers to do. It can also be a personal thing for the dancer. Nude dances also usually cost more. But if nude and even topless dances are not allowed, a bikini lap dance is still fun.

Some people ask for lap dances, but I find I rarely have to. If you tip a dancer well at the table and act polite, unless she has a lap dance already lined up, there is a good chance she will ask you. Shy guys may have an easier time getting lap dances than cocky ones.

One time I visited a club and the second dancer I saw hit me up for a lap dance. Afterward, the first dancer, who I liked more, said to me that she did not realize I was ready for a lap dance so soon. What I wish I had done is politely offer to buy the second dancer a drink instead. We could have talked for a few minutes, and I could have asked some good questions, like whether the club can do nude lap dances, for instance. Instead, not wanting to be rude, I took her up on the lap dance. The dance was less fun than it could have been, and so was the whole outing.

On the other hand, if you enjoyed the dance but need something more to finish, you can ask to buy a second one. She will probably oblige unless she is due back on stage, and even then, she may offer a second lap dance after she finishes on stage. If she does have to go back on stage, see if you can get a seat up front. If you can, take the seat and tip generously.

How much to bring and how to dress

I only spent $60 on my first visit, and it may have been less than that. Maybe even as little as $40. That pays your cover charge, buys your drink, and some tips for the dancers. Lap dance costs can vary from $20 to $30. So by the time you pay your cover, buy your drink, spend enough time at the tables to be ready for a lap dance, and get a lap dance or two, you can expect to be closer to $100. You will have a much better time on $100 than on $40, of course.

Having a mix of bills can be helpful. You need singles for the table, but for lap dances, a mix of $10 and $20 bills is helpful. If a dance is $30 and you hand her two $20 bills, she is likely to try to get a second dance out of you and say, "It's only one more twenty." The bar can break large bills into singles for you, but if lap dances are $25 or $30, be sure to ask them to break a $20 into $5 or $10 bills so you can pay in exact change.

Some clubs have dress codes. If the club claims to be high end, they may turn you away at the door if you show up in jeans and a t-shirt. On the other hand, if you show up in a suit at a club that caters to college kids or truckers, you will feel out of place. There is a matter of practicality in what you wear as well. The more comfortable your pants are to grind on, the better the dance you are likely to get. An pair of jeans that have been worn in enough to be soft is a better choice than a brand new pair. Dress conservatively, and ask the dancer for advice on what to wear next time. She will know what the club allows and will probably appreciate the question. Plus it gives you something to talk about.