My experience with the hobby
yaboy1234
Connecticut
Went on a work trip a few hours from home and had a bit of money to burn thanks to my per diem. Aesthetically I don't have a lot going on for me and I'm really bad at talking to people in general, so casual hook ups don't happen for me. I live in a really small town so these "resources" aren't readily available to me, so I checked out Seeking Arrangements to see what was available. After a few days of hemming and hawing and pretending I knew how to figure out if she was a cop I called her up for a half hour of her time.
She was gorgeous, if a little sketchy on the attitude front. Once we got down to business though everything was great. She took care of me and talked to me and was incredibly affectionate. For the completely uninitiated, it was very "Girlfriend Experience". That work trip was a few weeks long, so I saw her again a couple times when I had the time and money. Now that we had both established that she wasn't a cop and I wasn't a murderapistburglar, I opted for more time (at greater cost) and she was much more relaxed and comfortable in my bed.
Honestly, it was completely worth it. I drove four hours to see her on my birthday a couple years ago because she just makes me feel that good. I know it's all fake, but she does it so well that all of those needs for companionship and affection and intimacy (even if it isn't true intimacy) are fulfilled. Unfortunately I feel like she's the exception to the rule.
My time and money could very well have been invested in finding a "real" woman, and the opportunity would be very welcome. But, obviously, investing time and money and emotion does not guarantee an equal and mutual result. I've definitely invested the time and the effort into pursuing relationships with the people I've found worth pursuing, but this hasn't panned out. Like I mentioned earlier, I lack the charm and the looks to appeal to the people I'm interested in.
In the meantime all of those dead end first dates, the unacknowledged OkCupid messages, the text conversations that never materialize into coffee meetups and the girls rolling their eyes at me at the bar have added up. It's said that confidence isn't knowing the girl will like you, it's knowing you'll be ok if she doesn't. I'm not there yet. I've accepted that that is how I must look at the situation, but whether or not I can handle rejection is a whole other question.
I'm not here to make excuses for myself. Ultimately no matter why I am the way I am it is my responsibility to become a more compelling and appealing person. I will say there have been setbacks. While my divorce was legally and financially kind to all parties involved, the break up and the events leading to it had me on the mat for a long long time. The relationship is over and I'm over her, but I am not over what I suffered because of it.
In the meantime while I'm sorting all of this out and trying to become a better person and being someone worth liking, I take what I can get. Affection and touch and sexual release are basic human needs, and the lack thereof can be a lot more damaging than people give it credit for. For now, I hear a lot of "No's" and that's crushing and discouraging in the amount that I recieve it in the place that I am in. I need a "Yes" from time to time, and if I have to pay for it, so be it.
She was gorgeous, if a little sketchy on the attitude front. Once we got down to business though everything was great. She took care of me and talked to me and was incredibly affectionate. For the completely uninitiated, it was very "Girlfriend Experience". That work trip was a few weeks long, so I saw her again a couple times when I had the time and money. Now that we had both established that she wasn't a cop and I wasn't a murderapistburglar, I opted for more time (at greater cost) and she was much more relaxed and comfortable in my bed.
Honestly, it was completely worth it. I drove four hours to see her on my birthday a couple years ago because she just makes me feel that good. I know it's all fake, but she does it so well that all of those needs for companionship and affection and intimacy (even if it isn't true intimacy) are fulfilled. Unfortunately I feel like she's the exception to the rule.
My time and money could very well have been invested in finding a "real" woman, and the opportunity would be very welcome. But, obviously, investing time and money and emotion does not guarantee an equal and mutual result. I've definitely invested the time and the effort into pursuing relationships with the people I've found worth pursuing, but this hasn't panned out. Like I mentioned earlier, I lack the charm and the looks to appeal to the people I'm interested in.
In the meantime all of those dead end first dates, the unacknowledged OkCupid messages, the text conversations that never materialize into coffee meetups and the girls rolling their eyes at me at the bar have added up. It's said that confidence isn't knowing the girl will like you, it's knowing you'll be ok if she doesn't. I'm not there yet. I've accepted that that is how I must look at the situation, but whether or not I can handle rejection is a whole other question.
I'm not here to make excuses for myself. Ultimately no matter why I am the way I am it is my responsibility to become a more compelling and appealing person. I will say there have been setbacks. While my divorce was legally and financially kind to all parties involved, the break up and the events leading to it had me on the mat for a long long time. The relationship is over and I'm over her, but I am not over what I suffered because of it.
In the meantime while I'm sorting all of this out and trying to become a better person and being someone worth liking, I take what I can get. Affection and touch and sexual release are basic human needs, and the lack thereof can be a lot more damaging than people give it credit for. For now, I hear a lot of "No's" and that's crushing and discouraging in the amount that I recieve it in the place that I am in. I need a "Yes" from time to time, and if I have to pay for it, so be it.
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gammanu95
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2 comments
Again, don't be so hard on yourself and in moderation there is nothing wrong with paying someone to temporarily attend to your needs whatever they may be.
Good luck.
I agree with @BabyDoc in that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself in terms of your looks. We share some similarities in that it took me some time to get over a broken marriage, and I enjoy GFE more than anything else.
I don't know how old you are, but one piece of advice I'd give you to boost self-esteem and self-confidence is a dedication to physical fitness, if you're not already into it. I have worked out vigorously for more than five years, lost a lot of weight, have excellent endurance and I'm in the best shape of my life. Friends have said they don't even recognize me from how I was before. Feeling good about yourself is a huge step toward recovery.