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Muddy

USA

Wanted to make a helpful tool for those that fell out of grace with their favorite club. I have been banned from many clubs across the United States and this is how I clawed my way back in. First rate advice from first hand experience.

What to wear, Outfit: Dependent on hot or cold enviorment. Hot: Hawaiian t shirt with hawaiin board shorts and flip flops Cold: Go Hawaiian t shirt with sweatpants and flip flops.

Now that your dressed for success drive to the club. Drive up to the parking lot Valet booth and ask the man “How much?” He’ll tell you a number. Whatever that number is, it’s too much for you so cut him off with “Nope” and reverse out. Find free street parking and make the asking journey. Enter in. There will likely be cover. Negotiate it down hard. They love this. If all else fails say you are a “seal”

First thing I like to do when I hit a club is take a huge shit. Go for it. Do not make any eye contact with the bathroom attendant. Unfortunately moving up on the clubs radar is a power move, and the attendant’s is gonna have to take the hit on that. Take a huge shit and don’t flush. Let him wallow in it. Leave without without washing your hands.

Now head directly to the bar. Get a bottle of water from there. This bottle you will nurse for the rest of your time in the club. Also don’t tip the bartender or it or anyone else for the rest of your time here. Makes you look too much like a pleaser. Nobody is respecting that. Now sit at the stage and don’t tip ever. The most I'll allow is rubbing two nickels together, dimes if it's only a big night out. Let them hear that sweet sound of metal to metal.

One cunning move if you want a sneak peak of the real action is to enter the dressing room “just looking for the bathroom” Once your in, your in, so I would start shouting your favorite dancers name to find out where the hell she’s been. Remind her that she’s on stage in 4 songs. Show them your an attentive guy.

How to deal with dancers you don’t want dances from I put this out on the DB and thought it remained as relevant as ever. What I do is I listen to their a whole spiel and let her know that yes I’m very interested in VIP’s. I ask her about her schedule, if she likes hamburgers or hot dogs, favorite color, I admire here hair etc. We sit and chat for hours. Then I ask for a complete tour of the club. She shows me outside, inside the dance area where the “magic” happens and introduces me to the manager. I tell the manager that this girl will be MINE for the next few months. We all laugh HAHAHAHAHAHA. Then me and her go to VIP, it’s go time. While I’m sitting here I let her know I forgot I’m broke and I don’t have any money. That is typically how to take care of fat strippers so they won’t bother you again.

Now it’s time to make your rounds in the club. You, your water bottle and your shorts will go around girl to girl asking for blowjobs. Don’t worry if they are with other customers, your a baller. They’ll fall back.

Getting the dance. You finally found the girl you want. Take her to the dance area and the song starts. Make sure within the first song you start licking her immediately and ask if she would want to go home with you (<-I actually do this) then get naked/and or at the very least whip your dick out to set the tone. But no more than one dance. So be sure to cum in one song and when you do cum make an obnoxiously loud noise (enough for everyone to hear over the loud hip hop music) for the full duration of the orgasm. Finally pay the dancer in change, they love it when you do that.

After that there is really nothing left to do but dye your hair bleach blonde, put on a sideways baseball cap, get a boom box on your shoulder blasting NSYNC music and ask for change near the front door. Follow this guide and rest assured you will be crowned king of the strip club.

Adjudicators

tuscl

wallanon

Not an Article. Should be posted on Discussion Board Is this all the same person posting these? Maybe this guy needs a blog for his jokez.

whodey

Funny and original take on the type of article that has been done too many times

founder

gSteph

Too short for an article, too goofy