• articles >
• JAprufrock

JAprufrock

Did desertscrub's mom suck you dry, too?

I was having a rough time in my life after I separated from my wife five years ago. She essentially left me and took the kids after our once-blissful marriage turned into an acrimonious relationship for several years due mainly to meddling by family.

I was miserable and in a rut. At age 50, I had no desire to seek another relationship only to be burned again. I was experiencing a volatile mix of emotions – sorrow, self-pity, deep regret, guilt and anger. There were many days when I questioned what I had to live for because I was so depressed. Seeing my kids on occasion was the only thing that kept me going.

I started drinking again and that helped, though I wouldn't recommend it. I did a little strip-clubbing, got the occasional lap dance but nothing more. I just can't get into conversations with women half my age who I have nothing in common with, and while I enjoyed the occasional titty grope or suck, it really doesn't do much for me (except for the one time I went to Club Hong Kong in Tijuana, which is another story) I pondered seeking a prostitute or hitting a massage parlor for release, but I don't want to risk being arrested. I wouldn't be able to handle the consequences – the embarrassment and further upheaval in my life by losing my job in all likelihood.

Channel surfing one day I ran across a show that mentioned Jamaica and some nude resorts, including Hedonist. It piqued my interest so I did some Internet research. Cost was more than I wanted to spend and it seemed to be geared more towards couples or single women. During my research I stumbled upon reviews for nude/clothing optional beaches. Sounded interesting. Something I never tried. I'd never vacationed alone but I needed to get away, needed to so something to shake-up my miserable life, so I decided to check out Gunnison Beach near Middletown, New Jersey, not far from NYC.

I went in August 2015. Long story short, I loved it. Like-minded people of all ages, races and shapes naked under a warm sun and enjoying the outdoors with no hang-ups and no one judging you. I was alone and anonymous, no trepidation of being nude in public since it's all legal and no concerns about running into anybody I knew. Only mistake was underestimating the need for sunscreen as my shoulders and upper back were burned in the record-high temperatures during the three days I was there.
Since then, I've been to Haulover Beach, just north of Miami Beach, a few times (highly recommend) and once each to Black's Beach in San Diego (so-so) and Hanlan's Point in Toronto (can't recommend – too many young people in large groups, many of whom don't even get naked). Haulover is my favorite and I'll likely go again.

Initially, my main motivation was to check out naked women. I still enjoy that aspect (without being creepy by staring), but more than anything, I just enjoy being naked outdoors under the warm sun and letting it all hang out. I enjoy being naked in front of women. Knowing that dozens of them have seen my cock and balls gives the exhibitionist in me a thrill. I thought I might have a constant erection, but that's not the case at all. As long as I'm not thinking about sex, I don't get stiff. Erections and staring at naked women also go against nude beach etiquette.

It's a great stress-reliever. I usually keep to myself but have engaged in casual conversations with women while naked. Feels so natural and uninhibited. Nobody knows of my interest – not friends, family or co-workers. It's my little secret and nobody's fucking business. In a weird sort of way, being completely naked outdoors, surrounded by other naked people, feels like I'm giving a big “fuck you” to all those who've made my life so miserable – my ex-wife, my uptight family, the assholes I work for and any other cock-sucking mother-fuckers I happen to come across. It's my way of not conforming, being outside the box, and fuck anyone who would look down on me for it. Clothing-optional beaches are the extent of my nudist activities. I'd like to eventually visit a nude resort or participate in some other nude social gathering, but they seem to be suited more for couples and single women.

Here's the other side benefit of nudism: a commitment to exercise. I was in decent shape before I started going nude, but this new adventure has motivated me to take my exercise regimen to a higher level. I'm in the gym two hours a day – not like I have a family or significant other to come home to every night – and highly committed to being in the best shape I can for when I shed my clothes. I know it's not easy for a lot of people to exercise or lose weight, but if you're physically able to do this, I can't recommend it enough. It has done wonders for my sagging self-esteem and confidence. Walking out of the gym after a good workout is a tremendous feeling of accomplishment and really lifts my spirits.

I have a long way to go to find happiness or even peace of mind. I hate being alone. I miss having someone to come home to. I miss sharing my bed with someone special. I miss having someone to comfort me during bad times and vise versa. I miss being an everyday dad and seeing my kids grow and being there for them. I don't know if I can continue living this way. I feel bad for myself because I know I'm a good person and I don't deserve this. I miss so much the wonderful family life I once had. I would give almost anything to have it back. But I know it'll never happen. I have to make the best of an awful situation. My foray into nudism has at least helped in some small way.
I know this isn't directly related to strip clubs or mongering, but I figured there might be some overlap.