Dating a Stripper
hotwheels
Minnesota
After that things really weren't going well with my wife and we ended up meeting every month or two. This went on for a couple of years and she started telling me she loved me but she kept having other boyfriends which really pissed me off. I knew it was irrational for me to care about this because I didn't even want to have an exclusive relationship but it still bothered me. I was encouraging her to go continue with the junior college she was in and was paying for DMV stuff etc. I really was hoping she would get her shit together. She came from a background in which her father abused her. What I was giving her was not a lot of money for me and it was definitely something she really needed. But unfortunately she started getting less interested in sex the more she got attached to me. But her life kind of kept going down.
I think part of the problem was that she was old enough (she is 38 and I am 56) that she could not work as a stripper anymore and that was her only income.
About 6 months ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce, which by this time was kind of a relief for both of us. Interestingly this had nothing to do with infidelity. I was really careful about keeping my stripper/mistress relationship private and I think my wife really was past the point of caring anyway. I know I was.
So now I am telling my stripper/mistress I am done with helping her financially. That feels really good.
I have met a lot of other strippers and considered starting a relationship so my take on this that many of them are wounded people to begin with. Also, they have grown up trading sex for intimacy and money. So be ready for that.
So if you have a relationship with a stripper (I won't count it out), you have to stay strong and keep it arms length. Watch out for the drama. The drama with the girl I dated was pretty over the top. Get ready to be submitted to all the female BS and doubletalk you can possibly imagine.
But the sex can be mindblowing.
Oh yeah. One more thing. Make your stripper GF give take an STD test at least every 6 months and give you a copy. She is having sex with other guys.
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You know they are a liar
Drivin' down your freeway
Midnight alleys roam
Cops in cars,
The topless bars
Never saw a woman...
So alone, so alone
Having a stripper not having her shit together is kind of the norm rather than the exception – when dealing with strippers one cannot afford to give them the benefit of the doubt – it’s best to assume that dealing with them on a personal level will bring a high level of drama and instability – better to see it this way and hopefully be proved o/w (but the o/w is hardly ever the case).
It’s best to keep it p4p – i.e. as a “business relationship†and not get personally or emotionally involved – almost every time one cannot help them improve their lives b/c they are unwilling or unable to do it themselves - and in the end they often end up turning the guy’s life upside down if he gets too involved.
Seeing this from the inside, I must say sadly many dancers are wounded people, but not all, but going to a strip club thinking you will find a wife is like going to a gold mine thinking you will find a diamond. It is possible, but highly unlikely. As a dancer, we are suppose to sell a fantasy, not the actual goods, however as adults, I understand feelings may arise especially if you have a customer that you see on the regular and there is a mutual attraction and connection. However, as you stated it is always best to keep business….BUSINESS! That saying should not apply to the strip club scene either, any business. I see first hand what happens when relationships in the office go sour. It is never pretty.
On the other hand, a sex-less fantasy is also part of the deal, it's just a matter of minds will meet and how the hands will shake.
Both cases they are considered business.
Sounds like he wasn't paying her, just "helping her financially". :-)
Still, it sounds like you were just straight up paying her for the sex which doesn't really differentiate this from standard p4p and you titled this article "dating a stripper." sounds like her hustle was being romantic and saying she loved you.
Ah, the classic rationalization. Do people who say this really believe it, and can't see the difference or do they know they are just trying to fool others in hopes of fooling themselves?
But overall I am not sure I would repeat it. It was a mixed bag for sure. I was going through a slow dissolution of my 20 year marriage at the time, so I guess you could say it was replacing something that I wasn't getting at home. But no, it wasn't fulfilling in a way that was lasting. And the more entangled I got with this girl's life, which was not so great, the more stressful it was for me.
In my particular situation my stripper GF and I were definitely emotionally involved. And as the individual with the more resources in the relationship I was happy to help her out financially. If you want to call that P4P I am fine with that. I am just trying to lay things out there like they happened for me.
I am about to stop helping her financially and I am very interested to see if she dumps me.
If anyone would like to weigh in on this we can do a little survey and I will report the results in a couple of months.
Question: Will my stripper/mistress/gf of four years dump me when I stop paying her DMV etc. bills?
You aren't dating this person, you're using her services as a prostitute.
We had a lot of fun together, I helped her with her bills, and to me it was a lot more honest relationship than the one I had with my wife. See, my wife and I got married because we were "in love". Well in the end it turned out that the love part kind of wore a little thin. And when that happened I started to understand a little more deeply what was going on. See, she married me because I came from a family with some money, I went to a good college and I had good prospects. I am not saying she didn't actually love me, or we didn't get along or weren't in love because we were. There was just other stuff going on in the background that I was not really getting. In the end she left me because my salary didn't rise high enough for her to quit her job which she really wanted to do. She wanted to have a career as an artist. She told me I wasn't supportive enough and I was too worried about our finances. But we didn't have enough money because we sent our kids to private school, took nice vacations, etc and these were things which were her ideas! Ironically, in the end, it was her job that made it easy for her to walk out on our marriage.
And to complicate things a bit further here, I don't have any regrets. My wife is a fine person in most ways and she was a great mother to our children. We are still close and we are good friend. And once she pulled the plug, I was ready to go along.
To all of you young men out there that think marriage is about love, you are being very naive. Women are a lot more practical than that. Be careful.
Answer: You just don't think about it because if one simple concept which is called Schroedinger's cat ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOYyCHGW… ).
In my case, I just take day-to-day. What I did was turn the situation to something she would not like and see how she reacts. Did that last week and it turns out she adjusted to the new reality. Interesting to note we are still together.
So, what's the tentative observed behavior here? It could be she made the decision to stick around no matter what. See link below for my points.
1) http://bit.ly/1pJcDLi
Why do us women let men treat us like shit and still stick around to take more later?
2) http://bit.ly/RTfKVc
Why do women stick around with men who treat them like crap?!?!? Bugs me sooo bad!
My response, when dealing with a partner in this kind of situation is to remember a couple of choice phrases from Wittgenstein.
"If a lion could speak, we would not understand him"
Which for me leads to another Wittgenstein quote.
"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent"
I have tried to talk things through many times with the women in my life and sometimes it is better to just let go of it and act. I think they appreciate that more anyway.
You should marry her, bro. I think she is the rarest ones out there.
To me, that's proof positive she is not dysfunctional.
"So if you have a relationship with a stripper (I won't count it out), you have to stay strong and keep it arms length. Watch out for the drama. The drama with the girl I dated was pretty over the top. Get ready to be submitted to all the female BS and doubletalk you can possibly imagine.
But the sex can be mindblowing.
Oh yeah. One more thing. Make your stripper GF give take an STD test at least every 6 months and give you a copy. She is having sex with other guys."
That is one of the most ignorant and idiotic things I have ever seen on this site. Are you aware that the girl working at the local Target or Walgreens could cheat on you a thousand times and give you an STD????
ANYBODY could cheat on you and give you an std. Just because a girl isn't a dancer doesn't mean she's clean and is not going to fuck other guys.
Yes, I'm aware there are plenty of strippers who do extras. I've met and worked with plenty of them, but to say every single stripper is doing extras and fucking other guys is completely ignorant. You can't just lump people into one category. I know just as many girls who don't offer extras or do anything on the outside. I know strippers who are married and have never fucked another man outside of their marriage.
Forcing your partner, no matter what job they do, to take an std test every 6 months is not only disrespectful but cruel. If I were dating you and you told me you want me to take an std test because I MUST be fucking other people because I'm an exotic dancer, I'd dump your sorry ass immediately. If you lack respect for somebody to that extent, don't date them. Period. Easy as that.
Maybe all strippers aren't like my stripper gf but like I said in a previous post this is a strip club website so dudes on the site are kind of looking for stereotypes and that is the way I see it. Sorry if you dont agree.
I just don't see a lot of girl next door types in the strip clubs I have been to.
Again, I was in this for the sex, and in this regard she did not disappoint.
This is already a given.
In my case, even before we met she was fucking other men. I'm not that newb/naive who will believe she not doing it.
We have this line we do not cross about not discussing who we are having sex with. She is so secretive about it, I don't know why. I keep pressing the idea that is OK for her to tell me how the sex went and she would look at me with that Dagger Eyes, saying "I am not a whore."
But if I so much as mention that I might be going out with someone else, she freaks on me. She gets totally jealous and pissed.
It is all a mystery to me too.
My ex stripper gf has not been returning my texts since I refused to pay her car insurance. She is stupid.
You said, watch out for the drama. Yes, women often use drama to manipulate. It is not just strippers.
Yes, if you are telling them that you care about them, then you should be concerned for their well being and what troubles they might get into. But all too often they are staging situations, in order to make you extend yourself and to make yourself more committed to them.
This is how I did exactly what I though I would never do, get married. And my wife was nothing like a stripper. She was a conservative living girl. But she latched on to me, because I encouraged it, but also because she found by trial and error that she could manipulate me with emotional terrorism. Of course, when it really got ugly, was immediately after we were married, and not one second before.
SJG