The Sirens' Song

JackKash
New York City
To escape, to forget my troubled married life, my stagnant - frustrating work life and fill the time instead with distraction has been the reason for my club forays for over 20 years. I am more myself and at a level of peace when the stars align for a good venture.

I travel a fair amount and the already emotional aloneness of home and work is compounded with the physical aloneness in a new city. The clubs offer me solace in the latter and even some in the former when it is right and devastating reminders of my solitude when it is not.

Most often, my visits are short enough that it's a night, maybe two at the same place. Maybe I'll see the same girl(s), maybe not. Other times on longer trips, I'll club hop because I'm not finding the right mix to satisfy me, to lull me, to dull me, to bring me to the point of my most forgetful. All is distraction. Transience allows me to live in the moment. Any personal, emotional, human connection greatly tempered by my temporary condition. The nature of my travel therefore is conducive to these fleeting acquaintances. I leave with the depression of my imminent return to the restrictive unhappiness of my “real” life while the club experience in that city is already tucked away as a faded memory rekindled briefly when I write my TUSCL review. “$20 cover, reasonable drinks, girl next door types, gave a bit of chat, good grind, YMMV…”

I'm a soul stealer, my gaze fixed in the dancer's eyes throughout her dance, stage or private. What I am pulling through them to myself, I don't know. Something. Life force, energy, a connection to try and fill my abyss. I've freaked out a few dancers with this stare. Many more have returned that gaze with similar intensity, similar hunger, taking from me for themselves. I enjoy the trade and do not avert my eyes. These dalliances never fill my emptiness but they put it at bay for the moment and allow me to live in this different place, away from all I know and with the lie of being free.

Longer trips though, a few days, a week give me a chance to get established at a club I truly enjoy. Or if I'm back in an oft traveled city, a return to the clubs I am fond of in hopes of and sometimes succeeding in finding a dancer from the past. The girls - the dancers - the strippers – my sirens of mythology emerge. Unbeknownst to them at one time or another they have called me to dash my ship against the rocks. I have a litany of names.

The first of them was Jonatha, in New Orleans. Julia, Joe, Christie, Peresia, Jennifer are from various visits to Las Vegas over the years. There's been a few others with a lesser degrees of impact; Amanda in Las Vegas, Kitty in Los Angeles. And then there is the most recent, Veronika in Seattle, whom I think I pine for more than any of the others and the reason why I wrote this article. Like the others, over the course of a few days we talked, had dances and even her stage dances were focused on me much to the chagrin of the guys tipping on the other side.

I'm not too cynical to think that there wasn't some honesty in our mutual attraction and satisfaction in being in each other's presence. Nor am I as naïve as newbie and understand that nothing will ever come of this. I know that as she was touching my face with one hand I (figuratively) was putting money in the other.

And so the sirens sing. They find the emptiness inside me and promise to fill it with the emotional connection I crave if only I bring my life closer to their shore, “dare, leave, join us here.” I don't. I know ruin awaits but that knowledge doesn't make their song any less sweet nor give me the ability to stop hearing it.

8 comments

  • looneylarry
    •
    10 years ago
    Interesting take. Good analogy. I think we all would acknowledge the siren's call, and to a great extent we play into it. Maybe we get a thrill out of seeing how close we might come to the shore. Many do crash in the rocks. Some of us don't think we ever will, but we get fooled. Once the glare of the sun and the reality of the baby-daddies and druggie boyfriends emerge again, we can easily steer clear.
  • gawker
    •
    10 years ago
    Yesterday I got played badly by a dancer who I thought I understood and who I almost trusted. It wasn't a lot of money, but the emotional rejection and the obvious lies hurt me and disillusioned me. It made me re-examine why I was in this position in the first place and reading this article allowed me to look at "my troubled married life" and the loneliness which comes along with it and work related travel. Rather than seek escapism, I thought, why not address the causality? Are the causes irreconsiliable? Is the escape better/easier/less expensive? How much do I really enjoy what I'm doing? There are plenty of "fish in the sea" and plenty of twats in the clubs. Why is one demonstrably better in my mind? Why am I trying to be the White Knight? These are not easy questions to answer.
  • SlickSpic
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    10 years ago
    Great article. I'll leave it at that.
  • shailynn
    •
    10 years ago
    Very insightful. You guys seem to need more to expand your desires than a strip club. You've outgrown those... I would suggest trying heroin
  • alabegonz
    •
    10 years ago
    Married life, loneliness, fleeting moments in the SC are what the thesis is about. Great article, I was able to get it and clearly see what it is.

    Just like you, I crave for these sirens as well. Their song numb my senses and time slowly backs away only to return me to reality when I step away from these places.

    Yesterday night I went clubbing again. I saw her walking towards me and immediately sat on my lap. Good convo, nothing that would indicate a bad moment, she was definitely doing everything to keep me around. She was sitting next to me and all the time she was talking, watching her lips move, this dancer two tables away started eye-fucking me. I couldn't let go of her stare until she brought me back to the convo. Again, shifting upward, her game went up a notch, I felt the intensity of her wanting to have the dance, so I obliged and we went there. She was totally off the charts in there. After the dance, we exchanged numbers. I thought she would walk away and forget me, but she didn't. She sat next to me until the shift was over. She was implying OTC but played it down. Maybe next time.

    When I got home, checking my smartphone, my CF texted me several times wanting to know where I was. I texted back then went to sleep.

    Back to reality, I oftentimes reminisce. I know this is not healthy for me as it only dopes my imagination.

    Maybe I should...maybe I should not.
  • MidWTraveler
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    10 years ago
    Very good post. Older fella here, yes there are some sweet Sirens, only been clubbing for a couple of years. Have had favorites retire, off to other clubs unknown, maybe a rejection after what I thought was a connection...Seems like there is always another to take their place. Guess I'm feeding a void.
  • hotwheels
    •
    10 years ago
    Yeah. I have started spending a lot more time in clubs since my marriage headed down and is now almost over. I feel relaxed and good in the company of a pleasant women, and her being half naked makes it even better. Really I just go to clubs to talk and have a drink. There are a couple of reasons for this. I have a couple of lady friend hook up dates so I am getting what I need from them and it isn't costing anything. Paying $20 for a lap dance seems like a rip off. And I really just like getting to know the girls. Maybe some day I will be back in a real relationship, but until them the clubs and my hook up gfs are satisfying me enough.
  • hotwheels
    •
    10 years ago
    Actually though I am in no hurry to be in a committed relationship. The freedom and peacefulness I am starting to enjoy after 20 years of marriage is blissful.
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