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joesparty

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There have been a few recent threads about whether a dancer and a customer can be friends, or whether the relationship is really, when you get down to it, just about business. And then there are the regular discussions about whether Dancer X is in love with Customer Y, whether they should date, etc. etc. etc. I realize I open myself to some ridicule by sharing my own recent experience, but I was one of those guys who recently asked for advice, and maybe someone else can learn from my mistakes.<br />
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I am relatively new to the strip club scene. I started going to clubs a little more than a year ago in a city where mileage was pretty low. Visiting the club was a new thrill but fairly safe, as there weren&#39;t any real opportunities to go beyond tame, low contact lap dances. Within a couple months, however, I found myself in the Midwestern club mecca of Detroit. I avoided extras for a while. Not to sound moralistic, but I am married and was worried about the slippery slope of extras. That concern quickly dissipated as I began visiting some of the clubs that are especially well known for extras, and the little head began to take over the thinking duties. I was addicted (both figuratively and literally) and spending a lot of money--more than I could really afford.<br />
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About four months ago, I started noticing one particular dancer at one of my regular clubs. Let&#39;s call her Becky (not her real name or her stage name). Becky is drop dead gorgeous, has a wonderful smile, can carry on a great conversation, and makes you feel like you&#39;re the only guy in the place. She had a steady stream of regulars, but I was able to get her attention by tipping generously at the stage. Fast forward a few weeks, and I was her #1 regular (or at least it felt that way). She would make a beeline for me almost as soon as I was in the door and would spend a lot of time just sitting with me. And the private dances--oh, the dances!--were incredibly intense. Without going into too much detail, I can say that she met my every physical need.<br />
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About two months into our ITC relationship, she suggested I look her up on Facebook. That&#39;s when I came here for advice. I was attracted to her and the idea of knowing more about her real life (she gave me her real name and real FB page). My concern was finding a way to get to know her without anyone in my life knowing what was going on. Some of you suggested using a dummy FB and e-mail account to communicate with her, but most of you advised me to let it go. Nothing good can come of this, you said. It turns out that the majority was right--well, mostly right.<br />
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I created a dummy FB account and she quickly accepted by friend requested. Next time I was in the club, I gave her my dummy e-mail, and she was e-mailing me, both innocent chatting and naughty pictures, within 24 hours. She invited me to lunch, and over to her place one evening the next week. I always paid for our dates out, but I only paid for her &quot;time&quot; on the rare evenings I kept her from work. We saw each other once a week (or more) ITC and multiple days OTC. She told me upfront that she didn&#39;t want a boyfriend, and I (obviously) didn&#39;t need a girlfriend. But we quickly became emotionally attached.<br />
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I knew I was in trouble when I saw a review here on the site with her name in it. The review wasn&#39;t specific, but I was literally sick to my stomach at the possibility of her having sex with other guys. I couldn&#39;t get the thought out of my mind. I wasn&#39;t sleeping well, I was distracted at work, and the stress was making me ill.<br />
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About six weeks after our first OTC date, I didn&#39;t hear from her for 2 or 3 days, which was unusual. I finally got her on the phone, and she let me down really easy. I wasn&#39;t ready to end our OTC relationship, but it was obvious to her that we needed to. She had the decency and kindness to be nice about it. She wasn&#39;t mad, she wasn&#39;t going to out me to friends and family, and she said she still cared about me. I believe that, and I still care about her. Maybe there was something else going on too (perhaps another guy already), but it could have ended much, much worse.<br />
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I still miss her. I think about her nearly every day. We aren&#39;t FB friends any more, which is good, because it&#39;s one less way I can obsess over her. I haven&#39;t been in her club in the few weeks since we last talked. We texted once last week on friendly terms, and I think that may be the last time I hear from her, unless I get the guts to go back to her club.<br />
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This entire episode was a huge wake up call for me. I had a lot to lose here--one of the comments I received from you all was to be prepared to be standing on the shores of Divorce Land, waving bye to half my stuff. That didn&#39;t happen, for which I am very lucky.<br />
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I don&#39;t regret my time with her, but I&#39;ll never do it again. OTC, sure, if the opportunity presents itself, but never another relationship. Always keep it business. It&#39;s harder to get attached when you&#39;re always paying for it.<br />
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I know each of us handles himself differently, but I hope my experience is helpful to someone else thinking about doing the same thing. Don&#39;t do it, unless you are seriously and honestly prepared for it all to blow up in your face. I&#39;m lucky it didn&#39;t, but I might not be so lucky next time. That&#39;s why there won&#39;t be a next time.<br />
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