tuscl

VERY (VERY!) IMPORTANT NOTE TO FOUNDER (everyone please read!)

Thursday, July 10, 2008 12:09 PM
Dear Founder (and everyone who I hope is reading this): It so happens that I have an enormous cock, probably the biggest cock on this board, 14 inches and as thick as the blunt end of a wine bottle. I'm not trying to brag or anything like that. It's not big deal, some guys just happen to have huge dicks. And mine is gi-normous. That plus the little tinge of nonmonogamy horn dog vibe, and believe me I have about 3 or 4 chicks in the 9.7 range using my cock as the stripper pole every time I walk into a club. But when I tell the other guys on tuscl about my 14" slab o' meat, they have the audacity to suggest I might be exaggerating a little. They mock me and say I just have a little weiner. And they're always calling me a liar. Look, who else can I talk to about my big dick other than my fellow tusclers -- people at work? This is the place I expect to get reaffirmation (like, "yo, njscfan, your cock is SO big!"), but instead peoople are constantly suggesting I'm delusional or something. It's all a guy can take. Sometimes when you've been called a liar so many times, you reach your breaking point. And I've reached mine. So all I'm asking is that we do a simple cross-check, so that I can finally prove once and for all to everyone that my penis is about the size of a Louisville slugger. First step, you send me your home address. You don't need to give me your name, just your home address. No big deal. Next step, I show up at your house and pull out my dick. Third step, you take a polaroid photo of me in all my glory. Final step, you post the picture on tuscl, and then the naysayers will finally be silenced. I'm sure you can understand how vitally important my privacy is to me. Nothing is more important than hiding my personal identity. That's why I post all the time on the discussion board available to the general public. And that's also why I write such long posts, in case anyone recognizes my writing style. It's also why I tell everyone where I'm from, and some of the places I've been to. And last but not least, my passionate desire to keep my identity secret is why I'm willing to come to your house in person. Of course, I will be wearing a mask. I'm sure that there will still be crazy conspiracy theorists who will say I'm making everything up, and the masked guy who came to your house with the big dick isn't really me. But I mean, really, how can I win with people like that? Thank god we have jarblake on this forum, because he believes everything I say, and understands what I'm all about -- just a regular guy with a 14" johnson that drives all the girls wild. No big deal. Plus he always writes those carefully reasoned, cogent posts on my behalf. When you have such a clear headed, sensible guy like jarblake on your team, you know you're doing well. But as for the rest of the cynics, STFU! Thanks, Founder. Hope to hear from you soon so we can do the "cross check."

21 comments

  • njscfan
    •
    16 years ago
    Founder: As you can see by the time stamp on the posts, several minutes have passed, and you still have not sent me your home address. I really don't understand the cause for delay. This is vitally important. This is (see topic heading) a "VERY (VERY!) IMPORTANT NOTE." The "cross check" will only take a few minutes, as I unfurl my flagpole. So please hurry and get back to me right away, ok? Thanks.
  • Clubber
    •
    16 years ago
    Still laughing!!!
  • njscfan
    •
    16 years ago
    Well, Founder said he won't do the "cross check" no matter how much I begged. He said it was a "board matter" and should remain a board matter, and so he won't intervene. He also said something about me needing to see some kind of therapist, but I don't know what he was talking about. Anyway, the fact that I've gone to such great lengths to verify the size of my jimmy proves that I'm telling the 100% truth about everything. I suppose I could also post lots of information about strip clubs and amps like you could find on [view link] or utopia guide or a million other adult oriented websites, and that would only further prove that my cock is bigger than yours, but I don't need to. I've proved my point. Anyone who still doesn't believe me is obviously an asshole. Jarblake, do you think you could now post one of your lengthy essays about how your troubles with the government somehow show that everything I'm saying is true and that my joystick must really be 14" after all? Thanks, pal.
  • jablake
    •
    16 years ago
    "Jarblake, do you think you could now post one of your lengthy essays about how your troubles with the government somehow show that everything I'm saying is true and that my joystick must really be 14" after all? Thanks, pal." Hi njscfan, I'd LOVE to, but unfortunately I got a call from one of my attorneys this morning and I need to prepare for the emergency meeting scheduled with him this afternoon. He had good news and bad news and way more bad news. The good news is that he is increasing the hourly rate he is charging me from $400 to *only* $480 per hour, which will save me $$$ in inflation adjusted terms. The bad news is that in addition to the usual bogus government charges like drug conspiracy, kidnapping, armed bank robbery, etc., which the two-bit government normally levels against me, now it's added non-bogus charges of seeking GFEs from hot dancers ITC, OTC, and IMH. The way more bad news is that Gambling dancer is the government's star witness after it bribed her with UNLIMITED betting privileges at the Hard Rock Cafe (located on a Native American Territory) as well as footing the the bill for her dining, dancing, and other hotel accomodations; each count of GFE consumated or not carries a 25-year sentence in a government prison. :( My attorney smugly suggested that didn't I NOW wish that I'd married Gambling dancer as she had wanted? Boy, I gave it to that SUCKER with BOTH barrels. Marriage is a LIFE SENTENCE and additionally you lose ALL ASSETS as well as your diginity and piece of mind----at least when the two-bit government AND you get done with me, I might be left with a pack of Wriggles Gum and a new article for The Wall Street Journal.
  • jablake
    •
    16 years ago
    And, it only gets worse? :( I just got a lachrymose filled call from Gambling dancer. She said the government deal was just too good to pass up and besides *I* have only myself to blame for seeking GFEs from hot dancers. Never occurred to her that perhaps the government is to blame for criminalizing GFEs. Then she says that if she wins any money at the casino she'll share it with me 50/50 so that I can pay the "reasonable" attorneys' fees. I HUNG UP on her . . . We share bodily fluids for over 7 years and this is how she repays me? Apparently, for Gambling dancer it's ALL about the Gambling. :(
  • njscfan
    •
    16 years ago
    Lord.
  • parodyman-->
    •
    16 years ago
    njscfan, I hope your cries to the founder are answered. God knows the importance of everyone believing every single word on TUSCL.
  • jablake
    •
    16 years ago
    "Lord." A simple ovation with plenty of applause and LOL!s would have been sufficient. :) I did actually see my attorney this afternoon, and did have to prepare. Unfortunately, another lawsuit is on the way. :(
  • jablake
    •
    16 years ago
    Anyone, attorney or not, care to give a little R.E. legal advice? The problem is a deed and its wording. One attorney says the place in the document is all important. My attorney says the placement is fine. IMHO, sometimes it is important and sometimes it ain't. :) "To Have and To Hold a life estate in the above described property. This Deed is executed pursuant to and in the exercise of the power and authority granted to and vested in said Trustee by the terms of said deed or deeds in trust delivered to said Trustee in pursuance of the Trust agreement above mentioned." The Trust agreement specifically limits the life estate granted so that the grantee (life estate holder) can't evict the Trustee. The estimated attorney hours to litigate in court? 40 hours. Anyway, I will be getting another opinion. :(
  • casualguy
    •
    16 years ago
    Sorry to hear the bad news. Since the average vagina only stretches up to 9 inches according to this web site [view link] you have a problem. Good news, I found some solutions for you. This topic and the solution "penis reduction surgery" has been discussed on yahoo already. [view link] The problem as discussed on yahoo was "every girl i have sex with eventually bleeds after or has stomach problems for awhile. i was wondering if theres anything i can do to make it fit a little better.?" Possible solutions 1. Get a new ruler, your old one broke. 2. "What you do is, you meausre your coc'k from the base of it to the top, not from your toes to your coc'k" 3."dont worry about those damn bitches bleeding, Its there problem not yours! lol just enjoy it and do them up the A-hole" Solutions were from yahoo not from me.
  • njscfan
    •
    16 years ago
    casualguy: The thread is a satire of David9999. *sigh*
  • jablake
    •
    16 years ago
    Hmmm . . . casualguy didn't recognize that? I thought his own satire, lifted in part from Yahoo, was adorable.
  • njscfan
    •
    16 years ago
    Jablake People on this site are pretty humor impaired. Always remember the sad but true fact: an IQ of 100 is an average.
  • Clubber
    •
    16 years ago
    Satire, some never have a clue. Also, sarcasm.
  • casualguy
    •
    16 years ago
    I recognized it was satire. I guess using additional satire goes over some people's head. I tend to forget not everyone is as quick to see when I'm using satire or sarcasm as well. My father used to occasionally tell jokes to people but say it in a serious way and they thought he was serious. You should have seen the look on one strangers face when he said that smoking was killing him and he estimated he only had 2 weeks left. The guy looked very worried and asked what he could do to stop it.
  • casualguy
    •
    16 years ago
    njscfan, I thought your thread here was amusing so I was simply trying to keep it amusing. Admitting that it is satire takes the fun away if you can't see it for what it is. Adding some additional satire keeps it funny in my opinion. I'm sorry if you actually thought I was serious. I didn't mean any offense about my post earlier in the thread. I thought it was all in jest like yours was.
  • casualguy
    •
    16 years ago
    No offense intended to guys with big dicks either. Just ignore me and go ahead and scare those strippers with your monsters. Got a 2 footer running down your leg? Tell the stripper it's a new rubber duckie type of toy and have her squeeze it trying to figure out what kind of toy it is. Sorry if you feel your thread has been slightly highjacked njscguy, I wouldn't have made any more comments except I felt like you didn't understand my post was in jest just like yours was. I'll stop with the jokes on this thread.
  • njscfan
    •
    16 years ago
    I guess then the satire was over my head. lol
  • mmdv26
    •
    16 years ago
    Well shit. Does this mean ya won't be stoppin by the house!
  • jablake
    •
    16 years ago
    "People on this site are pretty humor impaired. Always remember the sad but true fact: an IQ of 100 is an average." There is average and then there is average. :) I was reading, who knows if it is correct, that an American with a 100 IQ would only score a 86 IQ in Switzerland while in the Sudan it might be a 130 IQ. IOWs, I don't think average needs to mean brain-dead. :) The average American, imo, is very slow mentally to the point of seeming like an imbecile. :) "Some U.S. lawmakers are trying to pass legislation to remove former South African President Nelson Mandela from a U.S. list of terrorists by his 90th birthday next month, officials said on Thursday." [view link] "The bill now heads to the White House, where it is expected to be signed by President George W. Bush in time for the anti-apartheid leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner's 90th birthday on July 18." [view link] My litmus test for imbecility comes from The Wall Street Journal. They were pushing the concept that "one man's terrorist is another man's terrorist."
  • gk
    •
    16 years ago
    Too much hearsay about size without verification for this board. I propose that the U.S. Census Bureau begin establishing national metrics on this subject starting in 2010. We already have the SIC codes the and NAICS codes for manufacturing etc. We could call this the P-scale or the D-scale or somethinbg like that. And with this new data in hand (no pun intended) the federal government could then look into the equal opportunity side of it. Every guy in America should have the right to be borm with a BIG penis and now your local politician could be empowered to do something about it, comparative wise, that is. And for the women, think about the possibilities, use the data to choose your man on the P-scale. Forget dating services. This would put the lie to those that say nothing good could ever come from the strip club hobby. Thank you njscfan for being the inspiration for all this.
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