Subtle Hints a Dancer is Totally Not into You as a Customer

Don't waist your time with strippers like that.

Sounds like she speaks English, so I'm guessing you weren't at Vivide. Was this an ATL club? Maybe she's getting use to desperate customers since Vivide went to shit this week.

It was at Tattletales. I have no idea of her name. Long dark hair and a well-tanned white girl. Thin.

Usually u can go to management and tell them she’s not doing her job. I’ve had girls try to avoid me but once I tell the club manager it usually fixes that right right away

Why would one want management to force her to dance for you? She is an independent contractor in Georgia. She can choose not to work. She can quote whatever prices she wants to. He is not her boss.

Lots of other dancers.

If you did force her, boy would those be great dances. NOT!

Maybe you offended one of her ugly club friends.

Take the hint and move on . Thanks for the info . She won’t last long with that attitude

It's a universal annoyance for dancers, that there are a good number of customers who will neurodiverge in a bad way just because a dancer asks them if they want a dance. Dancers look for hints if somebody wants to be asked, and they often get it wrong. If you don't feel OK about approaching her directly, it's fine to get another dancer or staff member to let her know you're interested. But, if a manager tries to force a dancer to dance for someone she (for whatever reason that she doesn't need to explain) has decided to take a pass on, he's a pimp, not a manager.

I saw this happen with a couple different dancers the few times I've been in TT. I'd rather they just shut me down than take my money and do nothing. Another reason I never approach dancers I don't know on the floor.

@wallanon I've had this happen. I turned down a chick at Blaze and she told her whole click of dancers I don't spend. But that's not my loss, or at least I don't think so.

We get to choose, and they get to choose. As said above, there is no point in trying to force an unwilling dancer. That's not the type of dance I want.

As I think shadow said I’ll beg for pussy and I’ll pay for pussy but I won’t beg to pay for pussy

^^ That was lopaw

On wall street they say never marry a stock (On tuscl it’s never marry a stripper). You bought or were going to buy some shares in TnA and it didn’t pay off. Say buh bye and sell that stock! There’s too many other attractive stocks to invest in.

If I tell her I’m trying to get dances/VIP I shouldn’t hunt her down after that. I say that to her and then she goes and sits by herself or with a customer for an hour. After that there’s your sign it was probably gonna suck anyway.

Not everyone clicks. Her initial comment about the $800.00 would be such a turn-off to me that I would never waste another second looking at her; however, to be fair I would have said, "is the $800.00 because I am old, or because you give such a shitty dance, I would never spend another cent on you"?
The OP is right that you never want a dance from a dancer that someone has to force to dance for you.

I think everyone on this forum has been turned down by a dancer for one reason or another. It happened to me up in Oz this past week. Jane, a smoking hot, young, brunette was on stage. I went to tip her, we recognized each other from past visits, she said she would find me for a dance after the stage and never showed up. I turned down other dancers on the 2-for-1 and told them I was waiting for Jane. It's frustrating, but it's good to know so you don't waste more stage tip money later or pay for lackluster lap dances if she's desperate.

How could such a young lass turn down an ATL Legend like Goldmonger????

I’ve been turned down so much I’ve lost count. One of the biggest reasons I’ve been told why I was turned down was because I was just too handsome. Also in the past I was told I looked too much like a cop. This of course was in my late 20s throughout my 30s.

I always thought “I don’t look like a cop,” but I guess clean cut, no tattoos, dressed “professional” means I look like a cop. Or at least that seems to be the universal stripper explanation to turn me down.

Also I always thought when I was younger dancers assumed I was broke. Now that I’m middle aged they still assume I’m broke. It’s like “ladies I’m a baller, I came in my own Uber (not a shared ride) and I printed out the coupon for $5 off cover charge using my own printer AND color ink.

one time a real nice one from 2001 odyssey tampa came up to nyc to dance a few times during one year. whenever i would signal some interest towards her she would just keep walking. i gave up after 2-3 visits.

a couple of years later i'm over at the 2001. that same nice one comes up and hangs out with me for almost an hour over at the bar. she asked me, "how come you never asked me for dances?"

I had a Reese Witherspoon look a like at Follies tell me "all men are ass holes".

Oh my...please don't tell the other dancers I didn't spend money on you, causing them to not want to take my money. Comical.

"We'll show you....we won't dance for you". Suit yourself, honey; more money remaining for future club visits.

Negotiation is a difficult-to-master skill. Many people think their only options in negotiation is to either be a total asshole or to cave. Applies as much to PLs as strippers.

People who were sexually abused as children often react to sex with a weird combination of fascination and hostility. Common for them to end up in sex work, and maximal earnings is not their top priority.

Don't want my money? I'll find someone who does.

Never had anything like that happen but I did have a couple of odd experiences at TT. Not long ago a girl spent a few minutes with me, we didn't click much, told her I didn't want a dance. She had quoted $20 (this was when most girls gave them for $10). The next time I was there, she walked up to me as I was at the bar, I looked at her, and she said, "oh. it's you" while giving a huge sarcastic smile, then turned to the side where i could still see her face, dropped her smile to a flat out nasty look on her face, and then walked away. TBH it was funny as hell. All I could do is chuckle and ask myself wth is wrong with these hoes. Actually I think I was just too nice to her the first time. Sometimes I get lazy and forget how to handle these IG-lookin bitches.

Never force it. There's no refunds in the strip club. I can think of plenty of girls over the years that I found attractive but they didn't want to dance for me for whatever reason. Maybe because I got the meanest resting face, maybe I'm too fat, too old, too white, too whatever. I matters not because we turn them down all the time too. Working or not, these girls are human too and not everyone is going to like me, just like l am not going to like her just because she sat next to me. She did you a favor by brushing you off

A good comparison is, when someone is renting a room in their house, the laws about housing discrimination on the basis of race or having children don't apply. Because, dumb as the gubment tends to be, they get it that forcing the Grand Dragon of the KKK to rent a room in his house to a black person would never be a good deal for the black person. Renting a room in your house involves a higher level of intimacy than the typical commercial transaction. Likewise with a lap dance.

I have difficulty distinguishing among the various rejection and/or unavailability signals. For example:

A. Is it me? Am I undesirable and she's looking for other types of guys as customers? I would like to know why, so that I can adjust whatever is necessary, though I'm of course not expecting such a type of constructive feedback at strip clubs.

B. Is it her? Is she presently not giving dances to anyone at all? Maybe a sugar-daddy is coming in?

C. Or is it just not right now, but will be fine in a little bit of time? She needs a drink, she needs to get warmed up, she needs to cool down, she needs her security guard to get out of the loo?

In some cases I would be willing to chase after her later (or soon) if she does not disapprove. In other cases she would probably disapprove. But because I don't know which case is which, I tend to err on the side of caution, by simply interpreting any (all) stand-off behavior as indication of rejection for the entirety of her shift. Depending on the club, this can be fine for the girls (tons of other money-making opportunity). Or can be a total loss of income, because it does usually turn out that I'm willing to spend when and if I do get warmed up, but the warming up has to come in significant part from the dancer.

I'm fine with approaching, but if she's playing hard to get, in fact too hard to get, so hard to get that nobody gets her, then that's her mistake.

If you're desperate for a dancer who's giving you the brush off, give her some $ as a tip. But be ready for it if she just takes the tip, and continues to give you the brush off. DON"t dog her or otherwise be rude to her. There will likely be other dancers who will dance for you but not others. You wouldn't want the customers she takes a pass on to aggravate her, and cause her to quit the occupation.

@ilbbaicnl Yes, your suggestion sounds roughly like my present strategy. Chat a bit, stage-tip, initiate flirtation / conversation. But then drop it. Really I wrote my post not to learn a solution, but just to indicate that there are difficulties of interpretation running in both directions. Dancers would find many men in the club to be confusing, "does he want me or not?" but men find the dancers similarly difficult to interpret.

She's totally not into you as a customer when after a minute or two of she says, 'll be right back" an then leaves. And I'm supposed to wait for her return. Nope, after she leaves I'm on to the next dancer.

I usually give them at least 5 minutes when they'll "be right back". Even though, 90+% of the time, they'll never be back. Unless they come back to complain you didn't wait.

Gee I can’t wait to hear steipperlovers777s response.

I have too much pride to chase after anyones affection, let alone a stripper. Immediately move on.

Customers make snap judgments about dancers all the time. Makes sense that they do the same thing.

Lack of eye contact. Sullen, dismissive, or passive aggressive attitude. Struggle to keep a light conversation going. No flirtatious or light touching.

Some combination of these things will cause me to cut a dancer loose regardless of how hot she is. There are other dancers and I won't waste my time or money on resentful, mechanical dancers.

I try not to have hard line rules for my club fun. General tendencies, sure. If I want a dance and they don’t want to or are luke warm I’ll usually avoid. Sometimes though, a dancer is so hot and/or dance prices are so low or values are so high I’ll try to make something happen even if the best signals aren’t there. Sometimes it works surprisingly well that I’ve learned not to have a rule about it.

“ Struggle to keep a light conversation going. No flirtatious or light touching.” Yes, sometimes warning signs I guess, but sometimes it just means she’s a bit introverted or lacking in confidence. I’ve taken a chance with girls like this and had a great time. Sullen, dismissive, or passive aggressive is a definite no go.

The cost of a dance is the cost of a dance. If a girl walked up to me and said what goldmongerATL heard, if she's hot enough and I'm bored enough I might just "challenge" her to a single dance. Some dancers will refuse and say sorry I only do VIP. Others will take that challenge and it's awkwardly fun to watch them try and back up their smack just to get cut off at one dance. Or rarely it ends up being actually a quality set.

That's me being on topic. Now for the mopey emo moody awkward girl who's just not lighting my fire...if she passes the pants test (or again if I'm bored enough) I'll take a flyer on her. $20 or $30 is nothing to find out if you're the customer who turned her shift around. I don't know how many dancers didn't seem that great who ended up blowing my mind (and ya know other stuff).

I once ran into a girl so shy that it was her second day and she had not done a lap dance yet. She had only made some tips on stage. I took a $10 chance. She opened up more and more. Ended up get 5 or 6.

There can be a hundred reasons why they may not want to do lap dances with you. Last weekend I had a dancer tell me she would be over in a few minutes when I asked her for lap dances. After watching her wander around the club for 20 minutes, I decided I had waited long enough and left.

The top three reasons I've turned guys down for dances are they are just too unkempt looking like they haven't taken a bath in a week all the shoveled and stuff and this is not to say contractors and guys that work outside I mean I could see that they're clearly coming in for their lunch or right after work two number two either from my own experience or the other dancers saying so that they're cheap and I'm talking really cheap like trying to grab you in just about trying to have sex with you while rubbing up against you and giving you five bucks so they can get their load off and three you just don't like how they act rude or obnoxious drunken given the bartenders or other dancers a hard time about this that or the other thing

Where I go I usually have to fight the dancers off.
Maybe it’s just me

🤩

Maybe my evil doppelganger is back. I'm not joking.

For a long time, I would go into clubs and dancers that I have never seen before would act like they knew me. They would talk about the last time I was there or the last time we did VIP. Sometimes it was only a week or two before. Most times they realized after a while I was not who they thought I was. But some dancers were never quite convinced I was not this other guy.

It seemed the overall sentiment about this other guy was negative. Dancers would approach me with a slightly angry or annoyed attitude until they realized it wasn't him.

"Maybe my evil doppelganger is back. I'm not joking."

Have you tried tying yourself down during a full moon?

Now can't get Warren Zevon out of my head.

Howwwooooohh!

I just let the girls come up to me, I'm way to shy to talk to girls anyways

I had a dancer a few months ago that I walked up to and asked if she was busy and she said "yes" and I wasn't sure I asked the question right and asked again and she confirmed she was busy. She was just sitting at the bar by herself not doing anything. Some dancers simply dislike you for some reason. My motto is "there's ALWAYS someone better."

"She was just sitting at the bar by herself not doing anything. Some dancers simply dislike you for some reason."

So do you remember how long she was sitting there? For the sake of conversation, here's things I've seen for "stripper at a bar doing nothing" but won't sit with you...

1. She's waiting to go on stage
2. She has a regular coming
3. She's only there because management is making her work an alt shift so she gets the shift she wants...and isn't happy about it
4. She's working an alt shift because "reasons" and isn't happy about it
5. She made her money and is mentally done for the shift
6. She has a customer is in the bathroom, vip, etc
7. She doesn't want to talk with you

It's a random list, but I put she doesn't want you at the bottom because that's what I tell myself if the girl I'm looking at gives me the Heisman. Couldn't possibly be rejecting me lol...

How you dress is important to some dancers. If I am in Rhode Island for work and wear a suit and tie to the club, a lot of the dancers with whom I never have any interaction will come over to me. Waste of their time because no one gets a lap dance or a room with me when I am wearing a suit. It just takes one cock shaped rub mark on a $2,000.00 suit, to make one see the folly of having serious pressure applied from both sides on fine wool. Conversely, none of these dancers seem to recognize me as the same person when I am in my usual homeless, got this out of the dumpster at LLBean, attire. They assume suit and tie me has money and wants to spend it, when only the first part is true. They ignore shorts and t-shirt me who has money and wants to piss it all away. On those occasions I thank Jesus that the poker room and sports betting is just up 146.