Dancer's Violent and Abusive SOs

14 comments

• MisterGuy

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  17 years ago

  A lot of them are threatened and beaten to the point that they fear leaving more than staying (I think that might a key part of battered wife syndrome). One of my former ATFs was apparently left all day in a locked room for hours on end while her bf (at the time, they were married after they had their first child) was out "working". He still kept a hold on her even after she moved out with her two kids. He would babysit for her, steal money from her, yell at her, beat her to the point where he literally thought she was dead, but occasionally he would break down and "cry" when she would seriously talk about leaving him. She ended up just having to up and leave the area without his knowledge to get away from him. One phone call to the authorities would have landed him firmly in jail, where he belonged. It's all about deluding one's self and not having much self-worth I think.
  
• FONDL

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  17 years ago

  It's also sometimes about not knowing there are other options. Many of these girls grew up in homes that were the same, so they think it's normal, they don't know that most relationships aren't like that.
• harrydave

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  17 years ago

  Well, obviously, those SO's are alpha male seed spreaders and the girls can't help themselves.
  
  Lord, I'm sorry. That was wrong.
• MisterGuy

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  17 years ago

  Let it go harry, please...lol...
• wondergrl5

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  17 years ago

  look whos talkin misterguy
  
• BobbyI

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  17 years ago

  They consider it a major project and something they can "fix".
• motorhead

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  17 years ago

  I don't know if this is the norm, but with my ATF, she never lived alone so was afraid to leave. At 17 she left went from living with her mom to living with her boyfriend and never experienced the joy of independent living. They have been together for almost 10 years now, and while he has abused her in the past, she was afraid to leave because she didn't know how to live on her own.
• chitownlawyer

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  17 years ago

  Just last week, a dancer was telling me that she lost a fairly lucrative contact with a "sugar daddy" when the stripper's boyfriend found the stripper's cell phone, called the "S.D." and told Mr. SugarDaddy (, Esquire) that the boyfriend was going to stomp his sorry ass.
• Dudester

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  17 years ago

  I was horrifically abused as a kid. My mom let the monster move in when I was seven and the abuse continued for seven years. She always defended him, always. I left home (private school-scholarship) when I was fourteen, and she made him move out three years later (Don't know how she found the strength because I never went back). Anyway, in my case, the abuse stopped several months before I left. Some adult friends noticed how beaten I was and they stepped in. He wouldn't touch me after the intervention, but he would look at me with murder in his eyes. Years later, I met a gal, and long story short, she needed an abusive jerk gone so that we could have a relationship. I knew where he lived. I ambushed him outside and convinced him to leave town-pronto. So, if you're really interested in this chick, all you need is a way to frighten him out of town. I leave it to your imagination, but in the case of the guy I made leave, I actually scared him so bad he peed on himself-learned behavior from the monster.
• harrydave

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  17 years ago

  Dudester, I hope you can break the cycle. They say abuse is passed down through the generations. When I had kids I wondered how much of the old-fashioned "spare the rod and spoil the child" approach I learned from my parents I would then inflict on my kids. The short answer, not much. But it was very challenging to think of appropriate discipline at times; it would have been easier to hit the little f***ers.
  
  Normally I don't buy into the psycho-babble. But is there any truth to the observation that women who stay with abusive men may have been victims or witnesses themselves in childhood? My experience with strippers suggests they have a lot of that kind of baggage.
• gk

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  17 years ago

  A favorite dancer of mine has five kids (believe it!) with the same guy who continually beats on her. For years she's talked of leaving him, but always came up with a reason not to... for example 1) he was the father of her kids, 2) they had great sex, 3) she has never been alone, 4) she's afraid to make the move. Customers and dancers always pushed her to take the step, she always said she would, but never did. Perhaps this was a come-on game she played for many years to create sympathy. But last week she learned the hard way that there is a price to pay when youy procrastinate with common sense--he beat her again (bruises are obvious), but this time put a knife to her throat and almost killed her. He probably would have if she hadn't fought and got away. Now he's in jail and will likely be sent away. In the meantime, she gets sympathy from the dude's father. I'm convinced the only thing that stands between many of these girls and a more normal life is a normal man.
• Dudester

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  17 years ago

  I didn't think of it until I shut down the computer and went to bed, but in the case of women in abusive relationships, they have other problems too. For instance, the gal-whose louse I made leave town-our relationship ended 18 months later because she had a problem I couldn't fix-drug abuse.
  
  A lot of women today don't want to be rescued. They want to remain in that relationship. My mother kept the monster for ten years. My mother, like her mother, had been the youngest child. Both loved to party and dance. Both ended up with very poor opinions of men.
  
  In response to harrydave-I never married and never had kids. I'm too old now to think about kids. My younger brother broke the cycle with his kids.
  
  In response to gk-women like that don't need a normal man-they need to find the strength within themself to end the relationship, then be alone for at least five years to figure out what they really need. It's noble as hell to rescue women, but like I said, they don't want to be rescued.
• parodyman-->

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  17 years ago

  I think when a woman does nothing to protect herself she invites these kind of relationships. If she isn't willing to improve her situation then why should I care. These women are supposed to be entertainers not someone to make a pet project out of.
• motorhead

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  17 years ago

  chitownlawyer: I guess different personalities is what makes this world. My ATF's boyfriend knows she has my number and it's OK with him that we talk. He knows we are not "boyfriend/girlfriend" and even makes sure she calls me at least once a week. I wouldn't have an ATF whose S/O wasn't OK with me. The minute he called and threatend me, I would be gone. No girl, stripper or not, is worth that.