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NBA All-Star Game in NOLa -- anyone coming?

Book Guy

I write it like I mean it, but mostly they just want my money.

If there are any dudes coming to New Orleans for the NBA All-Star game, let us know here on the board! Maybe there can be a minor TUSCL meet-up on Bourbon Street.

New Orleans mongering hints:

1. "Where the locals go" strip club: Visions, out from downtown a long way. Use TUSCL to get the details, but it's really a long way and you probably would prefer driving yourself, instead of taking a cab. They may be running a limo from the French Quarter for the weekend, check with them.

2. Downtown / French Quarter strip clubs, mainstream: I personally prefer Deja Vu's Barely Legal, Scores Mansion on Bourbon, and Penthouse. The first two are on Bourbon Street along the "main" portion; Penthouse is juuuust around the corner from Bourbon, on Iberville (the first behind Canal). These clubs will be more expensive than in most cities -- almost nowhere is there a $20 dance deal, except dancer by dancer; official price is $40 per song everywhere. I recommend trying not to pay any cover charge in the FQ; you can likely get a coupon from a street bouncer, or the desk clerk will just let you in if you threaten to walk out to the club next door.

3. Downtown / French Quarter strip clubs, dive: Big Daddy's is a "classic" Bourbon Street location. It has a pair of legs swinging out of a first-floor window, you've seen it before. I've had a few nice extras experiences here, but it will be hard to find a private spot during a high-volume weekend. Temptations has a screen onto which silhouettes of active dancers are shadowed onto the street; but the inside is much less interesting. So too Rick's, which is part of the national chain but probably the worst of all of them across the country. All the others are really pits. The one run by the ageing dancer Chris Owens might be interesting but I suggest against it.

4. Downtown / French Quarter strip clubs, extras service: at the intersection of Chartres and Iberville (use a map!) you can find three or four clubs that are likely to be open. The dancers will negotiate up-front and will quote an accurate cost, but you'll find the price way high and the quality of women way low and the imposing security thugs way scary.

5. Other mongering: I can't really guess where a streetwalker might be. This city has pretty much eliminated that, except on a few suburban strolls that are hit-or-miss even at the best of mongering times. For full service, visit one of the Asian Massage Parlors in the city. Prefer "Tokyo" on Chef Menteur Highway (way out by Visions) or "Asian" on Canal at Broad. There are a few other good ones, but those two are fairly well guaranteed.

Dining:

Nice restaurants recommended by me in the French Quarter: Palace Cafe, Bourbon House, Bacco, Bayona, maybe Gumbo Shop, definitely Galatoire's, Antoine's, Arnaud's.

Nice restaurants recommended by me outside the French Quarter: Cochon, Herbsaint, Brigtsen's, Ralph's on the Park, Upperline, of course Popeye's Fried Chicken. I don't like the Emeril's restaurants at all. And Mother's po-boy shop is now a total tourist trap. For po-boys, I prefer Domilice's or the Parkway Tavern (use the phone book and a map). Another tourist trap is the food-side of Pat O'Brien's, do NOT eat there!; but they're fine for big fancy Suthrin' drinks.

Breakfast at The Old Coffee Pot, in the French Quarter at St. Peter between Bourbon and Royal (next door to Pat O'Brien's); or way Uptown at the Camellia Grill, Carrollton and St. Charles. Or your hotel room service at 4 pm :) .

And of course, Cafe du Monde, smack in the middle of the middle of the middle of the Quarter, nothin' but coffe 'n' donuts.

Aquarium and Zoo are worth the trips; Wax Museum and Voodoo Tour are not; my favorite "secret" thing to do in New Orleans is ride the Canal Street ferry across the Mississippi River and back, I think it's like a buck or two. The Magazine Street shopping district is strictly girlie, except Aidan Gill For Men (a traditional barber and English groomer haberdashery).

Fun nightspots have kind of moved down from the Quarter to the Marigny, between Esplanade and Elysian Fields Avenues on Royal, Chartres, Kerlerec (use a map -- this new fun neighborhood is next to the French Quarter).

For real traditional jazz -- Louis Armstrong style small-combo "hot" pre-swing era music -- go to Fritzel's on Bourbon or The Palm Court on Decatur, depending on who is playing. For interesting other acts, Donna's on Rampart often has a good act. For rock blues funk, if there's a good act at the Funky Butt, at Tipitina's, or at the Mid City Rock 'n' Bowl Lanes, then those are great venues. But, depends who's playing. I've never gone to the chains: Bubba Gump's Shrimp Company, House of Blues, Hard Rock Cafe are all out-of-town interlopers, to me.

Drinks: you don't need my guidance here. If you can't find a cheap quick drink on Bourbon Street then you're too much of an idiot to have read this far.

Welcome to my city. Laissez les bon temps rouler!