If you can't get a laid in a morgue, have you tried the Home Depot?

Wait a minute. Those women are looking for a Husband ! Yikes !

Don’t knock it ‘til you tried it. I recently had a truly first-rate three way in the lumber section. This rick definitely had a woody.

Or so I was told. Truth be told I was in an alcoholic fog. Thought I was in a strip club bangin’ seriously hot female hairless apes. Who the fuck really knows what went down? Not this rick…

ROAR!!

I never thought about Home Depot. I spend all my free time at the grocery store chatting up the ladies that are spending waaay too much time picking out their zucchinis and cucumbers. (pro tip: Take a pass on the ones wearing flannel shirts.)

Not looking for a husband, but a woman at Target in Houston approached me once and told me if I bought her an outfit (I think it was less than $40), she would give me a BJ. I had a business meeting in about 30 minutes so it was an easy pass. I went back to that Target a few times after that. No more BJ offers.

Reminds me of this joke that made the rounds a while back.....


A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.

I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy tops.

It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'no' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also February 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot.

Lol good one Dolfan!

This reminded me of a few things.

1. While in college my wife new a few “crazy” girls. A few of them would camp out at the library on the med school campus to find a potential med student “husband.” Well, two of them ended up marrying doctors and both are now divorced. Both marriages didn’t even make it 5 years.

2. I’ll often run in the grocery store at the end of the work day no matter what city I am working at. I’ve noticed if you go to the nicest grocery store in that area (whether that is a Whole Foods or even a little local chain in some areas) the amount of babes in there after work is astounding especially if it’s near a place where a lot of people work - like a hospital or large office complex housing several businesses.

I'm a single male home owner but how many single men do own homes and shop at Home Depot to make repairs, etc to their homes?

I don't know. It seems to me that there are a lot of studs that inhabit Home Depot...way too much competition...although I understand they are a bit stiff until someone plus them with liquor! 😏😁

Thrice damned autocorrect "someone plys them"