OT: Online Dating

Pretty much the same experience as Heaving. I gave up on online dating.

I get a steady stream of civvie dates, at least 25 in the last year. 3 in the next week, all from online.

What are you looking for? One nighters? Dates? Marriage? That will influence what app you use. Some are good for different things, some are a total shit show.

I should make an AMA about online dating. Ask away.

The problem with online dating sites like Match for men is that it is quite common for some guys on these sites to send out dozens or sometimes even hundreds of emails. That means at the receiving end you have women looking at their in boxes and seeing lots of emails. This leads to female ego inflation, not a good thing. I've had quite ordinary looking women I work with brag about getting 25 emails a day on these sites.

Real life tends to not be like that. For example, if a guy went to a bar and went around trying to approach every female there the women he approached would not be flattered by the attention since they could see he was being unselective. Women only like it when a guy pays attention only to them. Because of this, most guys in bars and other public places are selective in who they approach in order to increase their chances of success. Women on dating sites don't see men paying attention to other women than them so they get a false idea about their desirability.

Eventually many women do figure out that most of the guys emailing them don't have a high level of interest in them, become disillusioned, and drop off the site. The women who stay tend to be attention whores who like getting a lot of emails. Good luck trying to form a relationship with them.

^ There's a numbers game element.

You have to search for the newest women to join. A lot of them create profiles, get spooked by creepy guys, and either abandon their profiles or delete them entirely.

Yes, any woman who doesn't look like ass is going to get a lot of attention. If you're open and witty and not creepy, you can stand out from them.

There are some girls who go on Tinder looking for random guys to buy them shit off their Amazon wish lists or just Venmo them. One was honest about wanting money for a pair of DDs. I almost gave her a few bucks as thanks for her honesty lol. Lots of escort profiles there too.

Stick to places like Match, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel. Actually get some decent photos taken by a professional, put some effort into writing, and don't feel like any woman is out of your league. I've dated some who would put any stripper to shame.

@Tetradon

One night stands don’t really appeal to me.

So mostly looking for dates.

Like someone you can introduce to your friends as your girlfriend/boyfriend.

You both get to travel & do couple things together without her expecting any form of payment.

^ Then the apps I mentioned are good ones. I prefer older ones like match where I can search on my set of preferences rather than just swipe.

Get out there and message. Never take rejection personally. And above all don't be a creep because those ruin it for the rest of us.

I don't think my experience with Seeking Arrangements is going to help you.

i just ride into town and lasso a cutie. Since she is the only one I used a lasso on, she knows my attention is only going to her.

I have had good luck but I'm tall, white, educated, decent looking, not fat, full head of hair and decent text game. So I make it through the filters.

Acknowledge your demographic. Everyone is chasing the 21 year old 8s and 9s. 30-35 year old women, especially divorcees are great for online dating.

I'm not a fan of dating apps. I think women go on there for attention more than anything. And the ones actually looking to meet aren't all that.

My best online experiences with women came on yelp. You learn a lot about girls from their reviews and it's easy to suggest trying a new restaurant or bar.

Instagram is good too.

Technology is a big part of our lives today especially post the smartphone - seems to me a lot of people are meeting via apps these days and getting into relationships that way

@Icey, you're partially right on that. There's a lot more women wanting attention or guys to buy them shit. I've had a few say they just want a guy to take them shopping or buy them stuff.

That said, it varies by app. The swiping ones are the worst, especially Tinder. The relationship ones like Hinge can be paradoxically bad too. But some, like Match, don't seem to attract that type.

When I run into one, I tell her we're looking for different kinds of relationships, and bid them farewell.

^ Oh, and Tinder has a lot of fake profiles. They fall under a few categories:

1. Women selling sexual services. Escorts, camgirls, all those. When I was new to the app, I found one escort, and progressively suggested more disgusting sexual services. When I got tired of the game, I said "eww, you'd really do that? Gross. No thanks."

2. Women looking for "generous" guys. Not sugar daddies, but aforementioned types looking for simps to take them shopping. They leave their Venmo or Cashapp or Amazon Wish List in the hopes that random guys buy them shit.

3. Women looking for Instagram followers. The most common type. Everyone's an "influencer" nowadays.

4. Women looking to trade Bitcoin or Forex. Actually, they're based in China and want you to pump capital into their system, so they suggest a trade and rip you off.

Tetradon how can you call guys simps when you pay for sex?

But a lit of girls have a heightened sense of entitlement. Because men cave in to them thinking money is the key to their heart. It isn't. I'm seeing a girl with a sugar daddy. Him paying her bills is just what she expects and takes for granted. But she gets excited and happy if I do little stuff like ordering her tacos when she's at work. And look at rich men like kanye....he had the biggest gold digger and money wasn't enough.

But meeting girls in person is better. The grocery store beach bar...strip club. Anywhere

^ Because you get guaranteed sex out of P4P--an honest transaction--rather than buying clothes and jewelry in the hopes that she MIGHT deign to fuck you.

Agree that little stuff is better than being her ATM, and in person is better. Quality of online has gone down in the last 5 years.

Tetradon. It makes sense.

Hoes I know use shopping trips and trips etc as a codeowrd for p4p on dating sites. Or when they say they like generous men.

The worst part of dating to me is how women have a stable of men to meet different needs. And how society is teaching them nothing is ever enough or good enough.

It's a mind fuck. I've had a girlfriend who was upset and wouldn't have sex when I got her a Burberry bag instead of a Dior one for her bday. Then I've dated hoes who were some of the most materialistic hoes you'd ever meet. But would skip work to drive around all night smoke weed and talk make love. Had a girl I gave the world to on a silver platter leave me for a broke bum. Had a girl who was a gold digger with other men but was submissive and wanted to choose up real bad. A girl with a sugar daddy old enough to be her grandpa paying all of her bills and buying her whatever she wants and with me she appreciates every little thing and told me I spent too much on her Christmas present.

One thing it comes down to is its not about logic. It's about how you make them feel and then the feelings they associate with you. When they can't get that emotional fix elsewhere they keep coming back.

^ For me, P4P is a different thrill, that of doing something fun but illegal. Civvie dating is for emotional connection and the thrill of seduction.

I don't have a ton of time to date, so if she acts materialistic, I move on. I'd rather take a girl out to a nice restaurant/bar or a comedy show.

And I date good girls, smart girls. Because 99% of the time we aren't fucking, and if she can't carry on a conversation, it's painful.

Agree it's about the emotional connection. Women are not logical creatures, hence why they keep coming back to guys who beat them and treat them like shit. I avoid them; I'm not going to stoop to their level.

Tetradon. Thats interesting. I like learning people's views on things like this.

My thing with p4p is my ego gets in the way. Even with lap dances they're fun to get but they hardly ever turn me on sexually coz I know its just something I paid for. I get offered p4p all the time in clubs but never take it. When I started clubbing the thought of it was exciting and kind of a thrill. But I could barely get hard and cum knowing I was paying for it. I get turned on by women wanting me. That's why picking up strippers is so fun. Its an ego trip having what others pay for.

I don't think a woman or person has to be smart to hold a good conversation. I like conversations and quality time that connects people. Creates bonds.

I donno if good girls exist. I've been with church girls who were really freaky and dysfunctional and not even jn a good way. And I think most strippers show love by wanting to choose up. The first stripper I dated eventually started getting me to wear jewelry and called me daddy lol

Women stay with abusive men because they don't love themselves. It's like punishment that reflects how they feel inside. Loving a woman like that is one of the hardest things. Not giving up on someone who gave up on themselves will kill you.

But most women seem to crave being submissive and some mistake an abusive man for a dominant man.

∆ lol. Spoken like a nine year old.

If all her pictures are skyview of her holding up her camera and pointing down, she will be larger than she appears.

@icey, for a little context on P4P, I was a super good kid and very sheltered growing up. My parents were and still are very Catholic, with all the attendant sexual neuroses. High school, I was laser focused on academics. College, I dated a little, and it’s debatable whether or not it was “dating.”

Like some guys here, I discovered P4P ITC before dating. Strip clubs were a thrill since I got a lap dance on my 21st birthday. But P4P ITC was an even greater thrill. The fact that it was illegal (there goes the “good kid”), societally frowned upon, throwing it in the Catholic church’s face, and getting to bust a nut with an actual woman was awesome. Working for an especially horrible woman who once said if she caught me or the other associate in a strip club she’d “drag us out by the collar” made it even more fun.

I never got into escorts. Like I’ve said elsewhere, too much shit can go wrong. Rip-off, not the girl in photos, police sting, robbery setup, blackmail setup, I’d be too nervous to pop a boner, let alone enjoy it.

By the time I started dating in earnest, P4P already had a place in my heart. I’ve never cheated in a relationship, call it my concept of honor, but if I find myself longing for a little P4P, that’s been a good sign that the relationship is past its sell-by date. Unlike a lot of guys here, I haven’t given up on finding a one-and-only and leaving strip clubbing (let alone P4P) in the rear-view mirror. But until then, I’ll take that thrill.

I don’t care to date strippers; nothing anyone (you or others) say here makes me want to do that. I don’t want their drama, I barely drink, don’t smoke weed (I react horribly to hallucinogens), and have no interest in other drugs. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll talk to them and be a person, but I don’t want more than that. Even OTC, I don’t want to pay for a hotel room or bring her back to my house.

Most of my dating has been online. Good girls. And even good girls, if they’re comfortable with you, want the D. It’s a lot of fun to bring the inner slut out of a doctor or executive, to tease them until they’re about to burst, then take them to the bedroom and do sweet naughty things to one another.

And P4P keeps it balanced. I tolerate a lot less bad behavior from a woman, being boring or stupid, if I know I can get drained elsewhere. Sometimes I do more, sometimes I do it less. Honestly I’m a bit bored of it lately, as my major clubs aren’t bringing in new variety. Part of a natural ebb and flow.

Hope this gives you some context on where I’m coming from.

Tetradon. My family is very catholic too. And your reasoning for p4p makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of what I did was to rebel and partly survival in the environment I loved in. My intro to p4p was girls in junior high who fucked for money or shopping trips. They went for older guys and their hustle got them a certain level of respect. My first time I almost paid a hooker was when I was 16. I was heart broken coz my crush was pregnant. So I went to the neighborhood hoe. She was in her late 20s. She refused telling me if she fucks me it'll just be sex with no feelings. That I can jerk off. That I should be with a girl my age who really wants to do it. That really stuck with me.

You really had to be a little thuggish to survive there.. And sports were a huge thing for me. That and being an athlete in high school really helped with girls. I didn't have to try. I literally had my pick and even now. I've never been rejected by anyone I really wanted. The downside is it fucks with your ego and becomes a game almost. That's why I love picking up strippers. It's the thrill of the conquest.

And my intro to strippers was when I was 17. A girl I was dating started dancing illegally and wanted me there for emotional support. It turned to me helping her with her hustle and ended with me telling her everything to do and her paying me. After high school a lot of girls started dancing and that was my social circle. Her friends wanted my advice too. I was making good money lol

I have a close friend who went to college on an athletic scholarship and getting laid was really easy for him.

I agree about it being fun to shut girls out. I've done that with church girls legal assistants nurses. A few rich college girls.

I just fell into dating strippers because I knew so many and was used to them. At first it made a huge difference to know these girls throughout high school before they started stripping.

The worst women in my view are instathots. They're starting to repulse me. Most are so lost in their fake ig lives that they're like plastic dolls and caricatures more than actual people. Every single thing is about portraying a fake image. Picture being on a date with a girl who tries not to talk or move her mouth coz she wants to look perfect with her caked on makeup. Her body feeling less real and less soft than a sex doll. It's an ego boost fucking them but they're just too vapid.

My favorite girls to date are young latina strippers. I don't have to try with them. It's that easy. People exaggerate stripper drama. The big problem is their age and having fast money. The influence from hardened hoes.

@Icey, yeah, strip clubbing isn't "normal," so I figure most of us are going to have an "origin story" (as writers call it) like you and I do.

Instathots hold no appeal to me. While we've locked horns on a lot of things, I recall us agreeing about what vapid shitheads most "influencers" are (male or female). From friends connected in that community, I guarantee it's worse than any outside thinks.

I find that online lets me filter out women I won't have much in common with. If someone's directionless, dumb as a doorknob, doesn't care about bettering herself, has no curiosity about the world, I like finding that out before we waste each other's time.

^ And as for dating strippers, I have little in common with them. Not so much because of their profession (though I would have jealousy issues), but their age.

I'm not a partier, don't smoke weed, hobbies are fairly introverted, and I'm at a "serious" phase in my life.

Maybe a handful of strippers I've talked to that I'd hang out with outside in a non-sexual context, and most were from years ago.

Tetradon. The main problem I have with online dating is the quality of women. I'm not into single moms looking for a dad for their kids. Women with mental illness. Women lying about their age. Ugly women. Those are the types I've had respond the most. Last time I tried it a morbidly obese girl scolded me for not replying to her.

The reality of influencer culture is a lot worse than people imagine. Everything about it is fake and they get so enraptured in it they lose all sense of self. They're empty shells akin to hardened hookers.

A lot of strippers are much less wild than their club personas. Sometimes it feels depressing that guys get to pay them to look sexy and made up and they're around you in sweats no make up...talking about how they had diarrhea

@Icey, that hasn't been my experience on most sites. Tinder, yeah, it's a freak show. On places like Match or Hinge, I just skip by or don't respond to women I'm not attracted to. Nowadays if you don't match, you can't exchange messages.

Average quality has dropped off over the years. Not because the good ones have gone, but like we've discussed above, the proliferation of freaks, mooches, camgirls, escorts, etc.

The bigger problem are the flakes. I, and lots of friends who do online dating, match with a lot of women who either never read or never reply, they just ghost. I accept it as a cost of doing business.

The good news is, with enough sites out there, you can play the numbers with a minimum of effort.

My aunt and uncle met via online dating in LA and they're now a multimillionaire power couple with two kids. It can work.

Heaving. Its not so much about who you match uts about who gets back and actually wants to meet up

Tetradon a lot of people make profiles and never get back to them. I know girls who would get so many messages they would just not bother going through them. I know a girl who got 35k hits on tinder in 2 days. I tried a pay site once a few years ago. I don't remember yhe name but it only let you talk to matches. My only match was a 57 year old librarian in Montreal. I tried plenty of fish before. They were weird. I met 3 girls...a broke stoner who just wanted someone to get high with and fuck. At least she was good looking. A chubby girl who with really low self esteem who was into being dominated. A bat shit crazy girl who wanted to be hate fucked for her sins. One older woman said she'd fuck if Iet her husband suck my dick. Things like that

I have a friend my age, good looking guy, can talk serious game to women who pulls a lot of dates off on Tinder to this day. His age range is 35-45 and I’m guessing there aren’t a ton of decent looking guys out there in that age range.

I’ve played with Tinder over the years while traveling looking for one night stands and some cities are flush with attractive women on there where others they are a needle in a haystack. Still it’s exciting finding someone on there, I’m thinking “how is this woman single, she’s flawless.” Then some light stalking you find her Facebook profile and you’re like, “hmmm she used her 4 best photos ever on her Tinder profile and in reality she’s just an average looking girl.” Still there are true stunners out there, but work has to be put in.

@Icey, yes I think a lot make profiles that they never get back to. Nowadays you can see if someone's a subscriber or when they last logged in, and filter on that.

PlentyOfFish isn't quite Tinder for freak shows, but A LOT of fat women, ugly women, single moms looking for a baby daddy for their 3 kids. I have an account that I haven't logged into in ages.

I've never really used online dating for one night stands or hookups, mostly for relationships. That might change if I'm both single and traveling heavily for business again (hasn't been the case for 8 years but could change shortly). It takes a lot of trust for me to go to someone's place or bring her to mine.

" It takes a lot of trust for me to go to someone's place or bring her to mine."

I've done it and I still have both my kidneys. Usually I've talked to someone for weeks before we have met up, plus I always have a hotel room at my disposal. Yeah I'd never bring someone on a first date to my krib even if I was single, but girls do it all the time. Women over 35 usually DGAF and know what they want.

Bringing someone home or going to their place isn't that big of a deal to me. I've done it the night we met.

I think the best connections are unexpected. With dating sites or apps there's an agenda and a motive.

Plenty of fish is disgusting. I've had fat bitches straight up ask me to come fuck them. I only did it once lulz

^ I've brought girls home or gone to their places, when I've been thinking with the little head and quite intoxicated. Part of it is trust, and part me not being a spontaneous person.

I fucked one fat woman off of PlentyOfFish. She was 10 years older than me, and wasn't super fat (i.e. I could introduce her to friends and not feel ashamed). In the dark I couldn't see her cellulite, only feel her gorgeous, gigantic G-cups.

Strip clubs have definitely made me more of a titty man.

The fat one I fucked was .....fat. but still had kind of a shape. You could tell she'd have a nice shape if she lost a lot of weight.

And she had a fucked up way of flirting "I'm used to black cocks hope you're not intimidated "

After fucking her I couldn't get rid of her so I just blocked her number and closed my account.

I didn't feel bad. She was an obnoxious bitch