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Strip club movie characters

No, no, not movies about strippers or strip clubs. And not scenes taking place in strip clubs. This is more of a "choose your own adventure" kind of thing.


Pick a movie. If its characters were in a titty bar, who would they be?


For example, BRAVEHEART:

Longshanks: really really old guy who goes in just to blow his load in his pants

Longshanks' son: closeted gay guy who rolls in with his friends, pretends to like it, but is actually totally disgusted when the hottest girl in the place is all over him

William Wallace: educated bouncer, like Dalton in Road House. But don't underestimate the man - he will fuck you up...and then probably bang the girl you were pissing off.



Or SPACEBALLS

Colonel Sandurz: the guy who shows up in sweatpants or gym shorts

President Skroob: old, multi-millionaire who refuses to pay more than $10/dance, won't do VIP, only drinks water or Coke, bitches about the price increase of $1, or having to pay a $5 cover because he got there too late.

Dark Helmet: lonely nerdy guy who shows up way too often, sounds all his money, just because the girls tell him "your helmet is soooo big"


Barf: party animal who gets drunk and makes it rain - think of Farva in Super Troopers, "open bar, duuuuuuude!" except in a strip club

Princess Vespa: smokin hot stripper but a total bitch, with, what do you call it, GPS?

Major Asshole: jackass at the next barstool who won't shut the fuck up about his fucking crypto

Gunner's Mate Philip Asshole (Major Asshole's cousin): really really drunk guy who stumbles into everybody, falls over tables

Prince Valium: bathroom attendant / drug dealer

Yogurt: really really really old guy who goes in every couple days

Lonestar: he's like me, just the cool guy in the place... men want to be him, women want to be with him

Dot Matrix: fearsome bouncer with her virgin alarm

The sound guy that Michael Winslow plays: DJ