Should I let her go

18 comments

• DougS

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  17 years ago

  Jpac: If you enjoy her dances and company, why do you need to let her go? I think all you need to do is lower her ranking among your girls; she obviously doesn't deserve to be your #1 girl.
• jablake

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  17 years ago

  Hi Jpac73: It could be she feels uncomfortable taking your money because you're her type. Or she might want to see how aggressive you are. My women friends who aren't in the business and are just average looking seem to have one main complaint: Men aren't aggressive enough! When they finally do find an aggressive man then he is either trouble (a user) or he's not their type. Of course, sometimes they play a little too aloof with a man they like and then he gives up just when it was getting interesting from her POV. I've had dancers sit and talk with me (and it wasn't because they really liked me, btw) over sitting and talking with a man they knew would buy dances solely because they didn't want to work. It is like a dancer who is truly all upset the rent is due and I point out she had plenty of money earlier in the month and could have paid the landlord early. Believe it or not that wouldn't be as satisfying for her. The drama of being forced to hustle or face real consequences is just too much of a rush. It is like people who jump out of planes. So it may NOT seem logical to you, but it is satisfying to the dancer. I don't like working so I can understand a dancer who prefers loafing. If you like her company, then I wouldn't let her go. But, heck I'm fairly sure my needs are a lot different than yours. Just remember people have their little quirks. She may cry at a wonderful joke and that is just the way she expresses laughter. Everyone, ala a chandler, may be negatively "empathizing" with her when they see her cry thinking she is very unhappy. ;) (just joking chandler, please don't take offense.)
• chandler

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  17 years ago

  I agree with Doug. Don't chase her down anymore, but don't rule her out, either. There's no reason you have to formulate a policy on this girl in advance. Just try not to think too much about her, and when she comes around and asks for a dance, go with your gut feeling at the moment.
• FONDL

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  17 years ago

  Make it 3 votes for the middle course - don't avoid her but don't chase her either. I once had a similar situation and finally concluded that the girl was trying to share the wealth, she wanted me to spend some money on some of the other girls too, so she took her time getting to me even though she knew that's why I was there. Some dancers get a little uncomfortable if you're only spending time and money with them. Don't take it personally, it's not about you, it's about them.
• DougS

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  17 years ago

  Fondl: Good point. I think you hit upon a part of what my ATF was thinking when she finally relented and agreed to meet OTC. She was getting flack from her fellow dancers for hogging me, when I was in the club, even though it was MY choosing to be hogged. She's also mentioned feeling guilty about me spending money on her, saying that she doesn't want to be (or feel like) the dancers that drain guys wallets, and doesn't want me feeling like those guys that are taken advantage of. She's told me about at least two customers of hers that she's told not to come back to see her, because she felt like they were spending too much time and money on her. So, of course, since she hasn't told ME to stop seeing her, does that imply that there's more to it than a business transaction, or am I not spending enough, or does she view me as more than a customer? (stripper shit?!)
• chandler

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  17 years ago

  I think by far the most likely reason a stripper would be uncomfortable about one customer spending all his time and money on her is that he might monopolize HER time, and keep her from her other customers. Besides, she knows that he can't keep spending at that rate, so she doesn't want to become too reliant on a guy who's headed for a burnout. I think strippers develop a sense for when customers are spending beyond their means, and their discomfort with that is not entirely altruistic - it's good business. I doubt if this has any bearing on Jpac's situation, though. He shouldn't concern himself with what makes her act the way she does towards him, just whether he enjoys it.
• casualguy

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  17 years ago

  If a dancer is ignoring you, that's an obvious sign to stop paying attention to her as well in my opinion. Enjoy the other dancers. If she gets interested in you and sees that you are busy and wants to talk to you, she'll have to keep checking to see if you are free. If you stay busy, you're probably already having more fun than you can handle without her. There are a number of reasons a dancer may talk to someone for awhile and she isn't dancing right away. One might be she wanted a break from dancing. Another might be she has fun talking to the guy. He may be a smooth talker as well. He could be one of her boyfriends as well or she may know him as a regular friend. Another reason might be is she believes in talking to a guy for awhile to make him feel comfortable before he buys lap dances. She may simply be building a rapport with a regular. Another reason she may be getting to you later is that she respects you and is working so she wants to satisfy the really big spenders to make her normal income and then she can give you her remaining time without it feeling like work. Maybe a stretch there. I did have a dancer in your shoes as far as I was concerned. However she got mad at me. I had slept with her the previous weekend and she started acting different after that. I didn't even realize she was watching me the whole time I was in the club because I thought she was working. She was angry like a hornet when I spent too much time with one of the dancers just talking away. Maybe she was waiting for me to be free so she could talk and dance for me. I don't remember anymore. I just don't recall a dancer acting so pissed at me for spending time with another dancer. She got over it rather quickly after I told her I wasn't sleeping with the other dancer. Some dancers are strange.
• casualguy

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  17 years ago

  I thought the above was stripper shit or drama queen material especially when she shouted across the strip club at me. Of course I could imagine a few guys might smile if a dancer angrily yelled "are you sleeping with her too?" Don't put all your eggs in one basket if you can avoid it. My example was stripper shit.
• Pete22z

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  17 years ago

  I love my favs. I love seeing them light up when they see me, joking around, talking, ...the dances are almost secondary with them. But I know that they're on the clock. As attached as I am to them, ultimately it's still a business relationship at the core of it. Don't get too attached (at least that's what I keep telling myself).
• jablake

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  17 years ago

  I was thinking. This is the same dancer that seemed to really upset you a little over a week ago? If so, then you might be feeling way too much. Of course, I think you're a younger guy and in that case ENJOY. :) I hate to say it but there is that old saw about there being plenty of fish in the sea. Thanks to strip clubbing I've gotten to spend time with hundreds of women. Really there were only a few that were special to me. Most even if they were making me feel fantastic were interchangeable. That's why some people can't "empathize" when you get all crazy about one particular women. It normally is sound advice--just find another and you'll be just as happy or moreso. Another thing if you're the type of guy that likes to see the same woman over and over, then it is more difficult to just swap 'em like car batteries.
• Jpac73

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  17 years ago

  I understand what you guys are saying, but if my club had more quality women I wouldn't be having this discussion. Essence(My #1 fav) is one of maybe 4 or 5girls that I would want to spend money on at this club. One of the other dancers seems to be a little bit more sincere and a little more higher mileage but I just have a thing for Essence. It's bad when the stripclub world resembles everday life. You like a certain girl but she pays you no attention, yet there is another girl who likes you but you aren't "feeling her" the same way.
• jablake

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  17 years ago

  Hi Jpac73, Thank you for clarifying. That makes a lot of sense to me. And, then you find quality and she is a PAIN. :( Personally, I would rather take the PAIN and SUPER HOT rather then have PERSONALITY and ATTRACTIVE.
• Book Guy

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  17 years ago

  I had a PAIN AND SUPER HOT last night but she was such a pain I eventually just got up, said my respects to the cool dude who is a floor manager, and then left the club. Soon I got accosted by a State Trooper who thought I was trying to wine-and-dash, when the waitress chased me out of the place to try to get me to pay for the drinks that the dancer had ordered. Staff, manager, and Trooper we all eventually cool about it, once I explained myself and they heard the other side of the story (no money changed hands) but still, to be held back by four Troopers in the middle of Bourbon Street, to be the object of everyone's gaze ... that's more than a dancer should inflict on any customer.
• jablake

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  17 years ago

  Over at Angels a young bouncer was gunned down and a young customer is probably serving a long prison sentence because a dancer complained about him not paying her. I saw her at the funeral home, I'd gone to pay my respects to "white boy" as he was affectionately known. She was really broken up and kept repeating it was only $20. She stopped working. She was definitely SUPER HOT and felt she caused a lot of PAIN over nothing. What would make this story even sadder is if she was trying to pull a petty scam never thinking it would cascade. :( The young bouncer left behind a young wife and new baby. Thinking further Book Guy depending how the police behaved you could have had your life ruined.
• Book Guy

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  17 years ago

  Indeed, Mr. Jablake. I am always QUITE circumspect around any form of cop. They could have all told the story of me killing a dancer (I'm sure there's some murder vic without a perp somewhere in this city) or of puking my guts out, they could have taken me around the corner and beat the shit out of me, they could have anything. They like the power trip. Sad but true fact: of the 100 or so cops, troopers, and other officers of the law whom I have interacted with when they were in their official capacity of "making sure" others weren't doing wrong in any manner, exactly zero have treated me with respect and by the rule-book that should have respected the civil liberties of an accused but not convicted individual walking America's streets. At parties and other social functions, of the 50 or so cops, troopers, and other officers of the law whom I have interacted with when they were off duty and socializing, exactly zero have impressed me as intelligent, competent, dedicated to public service, or largely uncorrupt, and exactly 100% have admitted at some point or other in some manner or other that they signed up for law enforcement because they like beating people up, it gives them a rush. I keep holding out for that one honest man in blue, but so far ...
• jablake

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  17 years ago

  Hi Book Guy, My experience is a lot better than that, thankfully. :) I have had some bad experience, but in total consider myself lucky the experience wasn't much worse. And, easily it could have been. The court system, imo, is complete garbage. An extortion rackett more than anything else--an extremely violent extortion rackett. I would easily trust most cops over most judges. It is NO contest imo that cops are much higher quality. Of course, overall my experiences with cops isn't negative (usually it is just my fear)--It is just so easy to get in caught in the meat grinder. And, since I know what the court system is like police officers represent judge, jury, and executioner; to me that is reason to be afraid. If you do get caught in the meat grinder, then grab the plea deal. The system doesn't care if you're guilty or innocent. Probably the lowest scum I've ever seen in action are judges. Of course, I've seen judges that actually care about people; the exception to the rule. I think the traffic judges are normally very good for whatever reason.
• Book Guy

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  17 years ago

  I like the few "family court" judges I know -- they got into it because of a desire to "help kids" and get the kids OUT of the system, but they're admittedly a very very rare anomaly. I haven't otherwise dealt with many judges. One guy on the next block is a judge so he got his entire street exempt from taxes after Katrina, that's about all I know about judges. The cops I encounter are always in one of two settings. A. They're on the edge of starting to rough me up because they perceive that I am a criminal and that I am resisting them. In general, this is just because they were yelling "Hey, you dumbass get the fuck over here!" from behind me and I didn't know they were talking to me. Usually I am able to smile, say "Oh no I'm sorry were you yelling at ME? I didn't know," and then indicate I am willing to cooperate. At this point, they should basically state what they want and things will go fine (but they never do -- at this point, because I have conceded power, they choose to escalate, ALWAYS, but that is a different issue). B. People at parties hosted by workers whom I know at plumber and carpenter contracting businesses. In these instances, the cops are frustrated with life and "the job" like the rest of us, and venting. In both those instances, I think I'm dealing with PEOPLE at their worst. But it's still telling, that cops can be people people at their worst in the first place.
• jablake

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  17 years ago

  Hi Book Guy, I believe that I have a few things going in by favor: 1. I'm short 2. I'm white (race of officer unimportant). 3. My appearance is conservative. 4. I speak standard English. 5. Normally, I try and quietly avoid confrontation. 6. I don't believe I have any rights. . . . I remember in one case (traffic) a police office told me not to worry because he wouldn't show. Said he wanted to save me $$$. I would have liked to believe him, but I just have very little faith or trust. After he got clobbered in court and the case was dismissed he runs into me outside the court room and says you got an attorney?! I replied icily you showed, looking him straight in the eye. And, then added sorry, I've learned to trust nobody, no matter how earnst they appear to be. He shook his head and walked away. I was very afraid of that officer for at least a month after that. I'm sure I have stories of cops doing good deeds, but I tend to remember evil easier.