Retiring from Retirement
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
As of today, I am retiring from retirement.
I’ve been retired for a year plus a couple of weeks. I gave retirement a fair try.
But now I am sick and tired of retirement.
It has been a struggle not to rush out and buy myself a brand new, chrome encrusted Harley Davidson Fatboy with Screaming Eagle pipes. But I’m daddy to a couple of 10 year olds and it would be epically bad form for daddy to fall off his Harley Davidson on a Houston freeway and cut his whole body off.
I’m also sick and tired of Mrs. Hornibastard asking me to help her vacuum our humongous house. When I do magnanimously agree to help her vacuum the house she always ends up telling me I didn’t do it right.
It’s not my fault! I was out sick the day they covered vacuuming in law school.
I met with my financial advisors last week and discovered that I don’t need to work another day for the rest of my life if I don’t want to. But I truly detest retirement.
I can always take a break after I’m dead!
So in a little while, I will once again put on my attorney costume, make the long arduous drive on Houston’s traffic-choked freeways and take a seat in an office on the 65th floor of one of those hermetically sealed monstrosities in downtown Houston.
Happy mongering to one and all!
If I don’t see you again before the holidays, please remember to keep the XXX in X-Mas!
https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=3036
I’ve been retired for a year plus a couple of weeks. I gave retirement a fair try.
But now I am sick and tired of retirement.
It has been a struggle not to rush out and buy myself a brand new, chrome encrusted Harley Davidson Fatboy with Screaming Eagle pipes. But I’m daddy to a couple of 10 year olds and it would be epically bad form for daddy to fall off his Harley Davidson on a Houston freeway and cut his whole body off.
I’m also sick and tired of Mrs. Hornibastard asking me to help her vacuum our humongous house. When I do magnanimously agree to help her vacuum the house she always ends up telling me I didn’t do it right.
It’s not my fault! I was out sick the day they covered vacuuming in law school.
I met with my financial advisors last week and discovered that I don’t need to work another day for the rest of my life if I don’t want to. But I truly detest retirement.
I can always take a break after I’m dead!
So in a little while, I will once again put on my attorney costume, make the long arduous drive on Houston’s traffic-choked freeways and take a seat in an office on the 65th floor of one of those hermetically sealed monstrosities in downtown Houston.
Happy mongering to one and all!
If I don’t see you again before the holidays, please remember to keep the XXX in X-Mas!
https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=3036
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18 comments
“ I’m getting ready to retire in a few years. I’m not looking forward to it.”
I understand how you feel. But give retirement a chance. Lots of people love it. If it doesn’t grow on you, you can always return to work later.
But it does allow time for that strip club thing
Another factor which I expect you’re taking into consideration is that you’ll be about 103 when the twins graduate from college. So instead of enjoying grandkids, you’ve got a chance to pamper & spoil your own children. My offspring went and got lots of academic degrees and then HAD to start their careers, then they had my grandkids. So it’s more difficult seeings how I’m old enough to be their great grandparent.
Finally, retirement is a wonderful opportunity to have either a mistress, a sugar baby, or a fuck buddy. I’ve tried all 3 and rediscovered the pleasure of a nooner, the worry of an STD, and the relief when she says, “ well I’m pregnant but it’s not yours.”
But it sounds as if you’ve already decided to return to the land of $85. neckties and squabbles over minutiae. At least have some fun and leave a Writ of Dumas Penis under the door of one of the partners.
Personal hobbies and my bucket list require attendance. Please refer to this cartoon as to my perspective on the matter....
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/bb/54/1b/…
https://www.amazon.com/Three-Boxes-Life-…
You want to blend Education, Work, and Play, together. That is how I live, and that is how it will be in my organization.
SJG
“ Why on earth are you going back to lawyering?”
Because, despite my valiant efforts, I was unable to land a position as a “Strip Club Extras Trainer & Quality Control Expert.”
Maybe something less than full time, Rev? Maybe let the hiring team know that you specialize in negotiating over long lunches and cocktail inspired evening events. You'll have to pull your weight but less than full time will also create a path to post work SC buffoonery.