tuscl

dancer in mourning.

M.B.
I have a delicate question I hope you can help with. I heard from another dancer at a club i frequent that my ATF suffered the death of a close relative in sudden circumstances. I expressed that if she saw her to give her my condolences. Anyway my question is when I see her should i let her bring it up or should I assume the message was passed and offer condolences. Secondly, I care for her and would feel creepy getting dances from her, even though i know her financial needs are pressing now. Any advice. M.B.

6 comments

  • casualguy
    •
    17 years ago
    I would tell her your condolences when you see her. She may not remember and I don't think that hurts to show you care. Then I would not discuss it anymore unless she does. Death is a painful experience and some people may not want to talk about it or not talk about it with people outside their immediate families. If she's working and in the club, she may want her routine to get back to as normal as possible. This is just my opinion but I've experienced the death of someone close and know of one dancer and a co-worker that both lost someone close.
  • chandler
    •
    17 years ago
    I agree. I would say something at the first opportunity, regardless of whether the other dancer had passed on your condolences. No need to wait for her to bring it up. Obviously, don't linger on it unless she wants to. She'll probably want to move on and resume with the kind of fun you usually have together. And you won't feel creepy anymore by that point.
  • FONDL
    •
    17 years ago
    I agree also. I'd mention it the first opportunity you get. That gives her an opportunity to talk about it if she wants to. But if she changes the subject don't mention it again unless she brings it up. Some people like to grieve by talking about it, for others (like me) it's a much more personal thing and they'd rather deal with it in their own way.
  • Cooks02
    •
    17 years ago
    Offer you condolences but make sure you make it a big night.. Meaning $$$.. Then she'll forget about it.. Be thankful.. And love you for your generocity..
  • Book Guy
    •
    17 years ago
    If we were truly Machiavellian we'd figure out how to take advantage of her during her time of need, by manipulating her emotions to the point that she felt dependent on you and therefore offered some kind of service for no payment at all, perhaps even dating you outside the club "for free." But then, we aren't that manipulative, are we? :)
  • ThisOldManPlayed1
    •
    17 years ago
    M.B. - Don't be afraid to offer condolences to your ATF. I lot of people worry about offering condolences to very close losses. My wife passed in 2004 and I attended a few grieveance classes. Believe me when I say this, "we" don't mind talking about our lost loves and sometimes rather enjoy speaking of them.

    As far as the dances, play it by feelings, yours and hers.
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