A Variable Speed Turd Processor
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
If you’ve ever had a water-saving toilet you know what a debacle they can be. Water-saving toilets might be acceptable in the homes of those malnourished, gluten-avoiding, vegans of indeterminate gender who litter the west coast, but they are woefully inadequate to handle the magnificent, man-sized turds produced by a chimichanga-eating Texan like your humble monger, the Most Reverend Hornibastard.
Water-saving toilets don’t really save any water any way. You must remember to flush a water-saving toilet after each and every turd. If you don’t, you risk ending up with a smelly overflow “situation” all over your bathroom floor.
What the world really needs is a toilet that can handle manly, difficult to dispose of turds and STILL save water!
I was recently perching productively on my fancy water-saving toilet, dutifully flushing after every pinch of my anal sphincters. I could hear Mrs. Hornibastard #3 in the kitchen using one of her many state of the art food processors to make herself a smoothie.
That’s when I had a flash of inspiration!
Kohler and Cuisinart should form a joint venture to produce a variable speed turd processor that could chop, dice, grind, mince and purée even the most monstrous holiday season Yule log down to flushable proportions and still save water!
They could market a deluxe model with a special “wood-chipper mode” for the severely constipated!
https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=2263
Water-saving toilets don’t really save any water any way. You must remember to flush a water-saving toilet after each and every turd. If you don’t, you risk ending up with a smelly overflow “situation” all over your bathroom floor.
What the world really needs is a toilet that can handle manly, difficult to dispose of turds and STILL save water!
I was recently perching productively on my fancy water-saving toilet, dutifully flushing after every pinch of my anal sphincters. I could hear Mrs. Hornibastard #3 in the kitchen using one of her many state of the art food processors to make herself a smoothie.
That’s when I had a flash of inspiration!
Kohler and Cuisinart should form a joint venture to produce a variable speed turd processor that could chop, dice, grind, mince and purée even the most monstrous holiday season Yule log down to flushable proportions and still save water!
They could market a deluxe model with a special “wood-chipper mode” for the severely constipated!
https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=2263
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6 comments
Log onto Westmarine.com and look for macerating toilets and macerator pumps! 😀
Amazing!
As usual, my brilliant ideas are too late!
Somebody else already beat me to it.
... but do they come with a special “wood chipper” mode for the severely constipated?
😱🤢🤕😵