An Attraction to the Darkside

DougS, I think it's quite normal. We all enjoy being someone different now and then, and enjoying the seediness is a big part of that experience. It's a reaction to being told since early childhood to follow the rules and be a good boy. I'm the same way. It's part of our fantasy (just like being a good boy is part of another fantasy of ours.)

What seems weird to me are attempts to whitewash or deny all of it. Thanks to that, we have the banality of gentleman's clubs, not to mention domesticated ATF monogamy, addiction rationalized as a hobby, and strippers who aren't supposed to be called strippers.

The darkside is more than a colorful atmosphere. Anything that feels this good comes with a cost. Some of the casualties are more obvious, but I don't believe any of us come away unscathed. To act as though clubbing is some namby pamby adult Disneyland is whistling past the graveyard. (Excuse the mixed metaphors.)

Of course, if we really had the courage for a seriously dangerous brush with the darkside, we could find places to get it straight up, without the attendant pleasure, as the news reminds us daily.

I like seediness, too. In fact, I pretty much don't enjoy sex unless there's some kind of novelty to it. It doesn't need to be circus-act novelty (though I might look into that!) but it pretty much has to be a locale or a girl I wouldn't otherwise engage.

What I find amusing is that I like some types of seediness but not others. Sort of a sanitized seediness. Which is sort of the point that Chandler was making. Wasn't there a movie or song about "a walk on the wild side?" That's how I always think of a strip club visit.

Now that would really be a "different" type of club, FONDL. "Walk on the Wild Side" was a song by Lou Reed mostly about gay subculture, although most people take a broader meaning from it, like you do. The book and movie, which came long before, are unrelated.

Sanitized seediness? Isn't that an oxymoron, like "chaste raunchiness"? I mean, I don't want to get any on me, but not because the possibility has been eliminated.

I never really gave this idea much thought. Maybe I move around too much or dancers are constantly interacting with me. Compared to some dark side dreams I've had, strip clubs are a rose garden.

When I'm bored and my mind starts daydreaming, I start imagining myself in a sci-fi future with gadgets and abilities that most people haven't even imagined. One thing I can't seem to stop thinking about involves a levitation effect. Some of my dreams are almost instructional as if someone is telling me if you use this device and float across a room a few inches above the floor, this will have the effect of scaring the living daylights out of most people watching. I can dream up some weird stuff. One very cool parlor trick in some of my real dreams (not daydreams) is to hold out the palm of my hand. Then I let everyone watch a nuclear blast go off about an inch above my palm (very miniaturized). It rises a few inches high and forms a neat mushroom cloud. No radiation, no deafening shock wave, and no blinding light from my little demonstration. Maybe I saw too many "need a light?" commercials.

A couple of times I might have thought "this blonde girl reminds me of the 3 blonde alien females that took me aboard their ship for a wild night." Of course that was only a dream I had one night.

I tend to not talk about my darkside thoughts. Those are scary.

If you really want to talk about getting bored and daydreaming, I could tell you what I have thought about while in church. It involves a soldier in futuristic sci-fi type armor and gear suddenly materializing beside me in the middle of church. Then he tells me "commander, sorry for breaking your cover but we need you to join us in the battle at Ja-Kzar" or some odd place. Then another couple of soldiers materialize out of thin air. The first one slaps a plastic armor wrist band around my arm and suddenly a bunch of futuristic gear and armor materializes around me. Then he injects me with nanobots to make me remember everything. Then I tell my relative I'll be back soon. Then, I disappear in a temporal vortex into the future. See what happens when I get bored?

I've also had a terrorist daydream involving church. That one wasn't pretty. Daydreaming can be a fun way to pass the time.

Chandler, of course "sanitized seediness" isn't real, it's fantasy. Which is why we go to clubs. It's like watching a movie or TV show where we can experience "danger" without actually experiencing it.

And speaking of movies and TV, casualguy, you are definately watching way too much of it.

I have daydreams of a particular power, too. :) I fantasize that my hands have some kind of "magic vibrator effect" kind of like King Midas except instead of turning everything to gold it turns every girl to orgasm. :) So then they all get desperate to have a lap-dance with me, and they're paying me for the privilege, and of course one thing leads to another and they're desperate to service me. Pretty straightforward, that one ...

ROFL. I'm going to use this line: "You remind me of the third alien from the left who abducted me last month ..."

FONDL, the difference is that I often like clubs where the seediness is real.

Chandler: Then you should like SNL in Indy where our "mutual friend" dances. Can't get much seedier than that place.

Actually, Doug, I thought SNL was more dreary than downright seedy. The facility itself was fairly neat and orderly compared to some dives I could name. The clentele may have lacked refinement, but I didn't get the feeling they were the worst the darkside has to offer. Maybe that's why I didn't much care for the place.

I don't think I've ever been to a club that didn't have some real seediness. No matter what the club is like there are always some seedy customers there. I often find the clubs that try to be really fancy to be the seediest of all, what with the creepy bouncers, DJs, men's room attendants, valet parking etc. all with their hands out. To me that's as seedy as it gets.

FONDL: agreed. The least "seedy" club I've ever been in, is Penthouse in New Orleans. Somehow they manage to be nothing but clean-cut. And this is an advantage and a disadvantage. The contact during the lappers is minimal at best, by national standards, for example. The girls are visually hot but inaccessible, so what use is it for them to be so dang hot?

Many clubs that try to be "un-seedy" (as in, "classy" gentlemen's resorts) often have tattered upholstery, or secret dirty corners in the bathroom that haven't been cleaned for generations, or some other dirty edge to their exterior. It's all a stage set, with a patina of glitz and glamour on the surface. Just don't look backstage, you'll find all the rats and spiders and rotting garbage ...

That's what I meant by attempts to whitewash the darkness and seediness that all clubs eventually reveal one way or another. The garish plushness of upscale clubs reeks of ill-gotten gains like no dive ever could. When it comes to richly evocative seaminess, however, nothing beats a filthy, rundown joint where your shoes stick to the floor, and you don't dare think about using the restroom. Maybe it's sentimental of me, but that's my ideal setting for a plunge into the darkside.

I think that's what I dislike most about Bourbon Street clubs in New Orleans. They're "officially seedy," which means that (a) they charge you a LOT of money but (b) you don't get a lot of sexual contact with the girls.

I actually think the least seedy places are the small neighborhood bars that have dancers. They seem much more real than most other strip clubs. There's less hustle and stripper shit, and none of the phoniness of the typical GC. That's why they're usually my favorite kind of place.

I have fallen asleep with the sci-fi channel on. I forgot to set the sleep timer in case I fell asleep. I may have had one or two weird dreams as a result. Most of what I see on TV and the movies is actually a lot less exciting than what I have seen and experienced in my dreams. I could produce a ton of ideas for movies or tv shows. I did read a lot when I was younger though. I think that is where a lot of ideas came from in my dreams. Some of my dreams seemed so real and vivid it was like I was in a different reality. That can be a blast.

I tend to avoid the darkside since I have seen some weird stuff happen in real life. Maybe that was back in the days when I used to be possessed. haha, just joking.

Now you guys are talking as though seediness is a bad thing. You need to decide, are you with the darkside or are you against it?

REAL seediness = good, as long as it remains safe enough that I get my business done how I want it to get done

FAKE seediness = bad, because it implies more money spent than necessary for me to get my business done

INADVERTENT seediness in a place that thought it was fake seedy but turns out to be real seedy = either extremely good, because I'll get my business done in a pleasantly upscale setting; or extremely bad, because I'll pay a lot of money but never get my business done

Well, I'm glad we've straightened that out. Actually, the darkside is less about the setting and more about your state of mind. To me, it means knowing what you're doing self-destructive, but doing it anyway, and relishing it more for that. And knowing the same goes for the crowd you're getting mixed up with.

"Actually, the dark side is less about the setting and more about your state of mind." Agreed but the setting helps me achieve that state of mind. I enjoy the pretend dark side but have no interest in the real one. Some strip clubs are a great place to do that.

Speaking of the dark side. I remember once thinking to myself, "To hell with the cops and with physics, I'm going to find out" (something). I don't know what I was going to find out. But then my next memory is of sitting upright at the wheel of my car, having just been awakened by the sound of squealing tires. I was facing the wrong way in the middle of a four-lane suburban residential road at about 4 in the morning. Jaegermeister had been involved.

Does that count as self-destructive behavior? :P

I think the "find out" or "test the limits" instinct is inside all of us. I know that it is the most common portal through which I have traveled whenever I wanted to investigate the dark side.

Exactly, Book Guy. Of course strip clubs are set up perfectly for that. To go without ever testing the limits is like smoking without inhaling.

I smoke a (tobacco) pipe and therefore almost never inhale ...

Poser.

I've been accused of worse. I really like the tobacco pipe, honestly. I do it alone in my home quite often, without anyone around to see, so I can pretty much be sure that it's not about posing. In fact, it kind of feels like I look like a total dork, with one of those things sticking out of my face. Like the sorts of dudes who memorize (and quote ad infinitum) Monty Python, or Gilbert and Sullivan, in the hopes of picking up chicks ...

Just kidding, Book Guy.

BG, I don't use my pipes as often as I once did. Mostly because I never seem to have fresh tobacco. I don't think I ever smoked it in public, probably the dork factor you speak of. But one question, isn't it supposed to be Keats and Byron you memorize to impress chicks if you are smoking a pipe? After all any nerd worth his pocket protector knows Monty Python.

Chandler, one virtually never inhales from a pipe, or rather only once, similar to a cigar and distinct from the more "recreational" smoking material. But I agree, the fools who didn't have the stones to say no or wanted to look cool by hanging with those partaking, but wasted it as the smoke came around were posers. Not that I have any experience with that.

If you live in a big city there's always some tobacconist trying to get rid of pipe paraphernalia and rapidly staling (so they think) tinned tobacco. Great thing is, most pipe tobacco blends generally age well in a tin, so if they've got a fire sale, buy buy buy!

I'm getting bad about my pipes. I had about fifteen, but then in a fit of pique I gave up smoking altogether. I mailed them all, plus any unsmoked tobacco, and my lighters, off to the American Cancer Society. They sent me a congratulatory note. I sent them a small check. This was when that TV anchorman had just died of lung cancer in late-summer 2005. I must have "given" them $1000 worth of stuff.

Within a month Katrina hit and I was totally stressed, worrying about family and my city. I was smack back to smoking.

Now I have about ten pipes, again, and another on the way from EBay. Can you say "addicted" ...

BookGuy / AbbieNormal: So, because I grew up a Monty Python fan, and cam recite several skits (didn't memorize on purpose), I'm a dork and a nerd?!

I fart in your general direction. Now go away before I taunt you a second time.

AN, BG - I hope you both understand that pipe smoking is as harmful to your health as cigarettes. You are inhaling the smoke whether you "inhale" or not. Cancer of the mouth is also quite common among pipe smokers.

Studies suggest otherwise ...