Apple event
mark94
Arizona
CUPERTINO, CA—At a highly anticipated press event at its Silicon Valley headquarters Tuesday afternoon, tech giant Apple officially unveiled to the public a panicked and completely idea-free man.
The white, ultrathin man, who exhibited such features as artificial excitement, a fully quavering voice, and what appeared to be a near total lack of inspiration, was put on full display for thousands of shareholders, industry insiders, reporters, and fans today in what Apple hopes will be a game-changer for the multinational corporation.
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Trillion dollar companies don’t take those kind of risks nor should they.
They announced an expanded news service, and what publications would be included, but not which content. For example, will it have select articles from the WSJ, or its entire library of print and online articles.
The entire event seemed a half-baked attempt to distract from its hardware disappointments.
CUPERTINO, CA—In what was arguably the highlight of Apple's product event in Cupertino yesterday, the company unveiled its new single-use Lightning cables.
As soon as you get one charge out of the cable, it will disintegrate into a fine powder. Your phone will then automatically order a new one from Apple's online store for $49.99.
"The thing people like most about using Apple products is spending more money on Apple products," Tim (Apple) said at the event. "Well, get ready to spend even more money. You wanted it, you asked for it, and we're the first company in history to give it to you: single-use cables!"